What Happens If I Start Getting Stalked By Philly Area Twitter Nerds.

It's pretty cool being a super popular rock n roll superstar blogger...being all fuckin' famous and shit.

And I've done a pretty good job of keeping my identity private.

I do however love meeting other bloggers in person but now I'm running into a problem because of Twitter.

You see, most people that follow this blog - I assume - follow it because they think it's funny. On Twitter however, I already have over 250 followers and many are in the Philly area. But I think many people follow me just because I'm local to them.

Now I know I'm bringing it on my self because I'll tweet where I am but in the back of my head I'm wondering if I'm being watched. Like lets say in a few months I have a few thousand followers and I Tweet something like:

"Forced to go into Exton Kmart. Hey look at the hillbilly with the wolf shirt!"

Then all of a sudden several of the hillbilly relatives, all that are Tweet followers emerge, surround me and try to beat me for dissin' the wolf shirt. Sure, I'll just jump up onto a pipe, do a mid-air somersault and fly out of there but it's the inconvenience. In a pre-twitter world I'd be able to stare at the hillbilly, then approach him and say, "That's a mighty fine wolf on your shirt, is that the Grey Wolf? I think that's a great choice of shirts because you - not unlike the wolf my friend- seem like a leader...of some pack."

And I've intentionally been following people locally so I can see what's going on in the area, possibly meet some cool people and maybe even have them buy things for me. But for what price? What if I meet up with some of these Tweeters and they're complete nerds? Or they expect ME to buy THEM drinks?

What then? I am open to suggestions for how to weed out the people that don't meet these specifications:

Attractiveness - they don't have to be super attractive but I ain't hanging out with no freaks. Especially huge foreheaded people. You know, belugas.

Attentiveness - they understand that I like to dictate the tempo and pace of conversations.

Generous - they understand that I'm very busy so if they're spending time with me, the least they can do is buy the drinks. I will fight and say, "No, let me get this round" but they will be smart enough to say, "Forget it! I insist. Your payment is the words I'm honored to read on your Tweets."

Fashion Savvy - They don't own a wolf shirt.

Any tips?