The Dude That Makes My Pork Sandwich Is A Dick.

So some Sundays I drive and get this tasty ass pork sandwich. And the dude that makes the pork sandwich has a major attitude.Like he’s pissed that he has to make it for me. I should be pissed at HIM. Jerk. I’ve learned the basic questions that he asks so I order in the way to answer the questions he asks EVERYTIME but he still doesn’t listen.

Here’s how it goes:

Miserable Sandwich Maker: So what do you want? (as if I’m taking up his time)

Me: One pork sandwich with cheese and hot peppers.

Miserable Sandwich Maker: Just one?

Me: Just one.

(Then he starts to make it. In slow motion. If he sees something that interests him he stops preparing the sandwich and looks off in the distance at the thing that interests him. Then he slowly goes back to making it).

Miserable Sandwich Maker: You want hot peppers on this?

Me: Yes (even though I already told him)

Then, when he’s done he shoves that bag in my face and with attitude and without making contact says, “Here you go Pal.”

So do you know what I do? When I go in and pay it goes like this:

Cashier: Yes what’s in the bag?

Me: A pork sandwich.

Cashier: With cheese?

Me: No.*

Sticking it. To. The. Man.

Now I know I’m only ripping them off for 80 cents but that more than makes up for the dude being a dick. Don’t you think?

Except I thought I was going to get busted last week because he asked me if I wanted cheese (after I already stated I did) and he went inside. A few minutes earlier he told me to go pay for it while he was making the sandwich. I already told the cashier I didn’t have cheese so I started to panic. Like he was on to me and was going in to check if I stated that I wanted cheese. Then maybe call the fuzz.

But he came back out. Turns out he had just ran out of cheese and was getting more.

If he called me on it I was gonna act all groggy and confused and say, “Cheese? What? Oh sorry. I didn’t know what she was asking.”

Phew!

* Sometimes I feel like getting cocky when they ask if I have cheese and in a loud, bellowing voice say, “Do I have cheese on this sandwich? Not me. Nope. Just pork and long hot peppers. Just those two ingredients. You see… I don’t care too much for cheese mind ya’. Watching the ole’ waist line if you know what I mean. So no. The answer to that question concerning the addition of cheese is absolutely not. I do NOT have cheese on this sandwich. Now please tally up my pork and pepper sandwich so we can settle this transaction and I can be on my merry - cheese free - way.