I love traditions. I'd like to share a bit of my Thanksgiving tradition with you the reader. Above is a picture of last year's Thanksgiving. The day before actually. That's Charles the Turkey.
Look at him go!
We like to cage the bird and pamper him for a few hours before....well...you know.
So we give him special treats, sing traditional Pilgimy sounding songs, dance around his cage and taunt him playfully with sticks.
Then, it's time for Bobo the clown to begin his slaying. So he slowly circles the cage. The bird senses something is wrong. And starts darting all over the cage. During this all the kids pull a feather from the Negro Indian head (total fucking heirloom and valuable as shit) and hand their feather to Bobo.
Bobo picks the smallest feather and the child that gave him that feather gets to hold the gobbler to the stump while Bobo chops his head off.
We then give the turkey to Nana who defeathers it and cleans it.
What traditions do YOU guys have?
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
So I was out with my son the other night getting some food at Victory Beer and....
Me: Hey look. I didn't know your Uncle Mike was here.
Son: (looks at dude who is actually a lookalike) Haha. I was thinking the same thing.
Me: (referring to his necklace) And looks like the Sasquatch sized Uncle Mike is into jewelry.
Son: Dad, Sasquatch Uncle Mike likes to call it "bling."
And the sad thing is....I would have LOVED to get a photo but didn't know how to do it discreetly. That's what sucks with cameras on phones. You see a perfect, photo ready specimen and you can never get their picture. Sure, you can wear an Abe Lincoln type hat and conceal it in there but who the hell wants to go through THAT trouble? ...and you have to set the timer..No thanks!
So my idea is a camera that's built into one of those nerdy ass bluetooth ear pieces. And you look at your phone to control the direction of the camera. And when you have your photo specimen in view? ...Click. Captured. On your phone.
Seriously don't know why this hasn't been invented. I would have a blog just of lookalikes and freaks that I see. Well, I guess we'll have to wait for the world of tomorrow.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Here's a song that I listen to on my Ipod. Ike and Tina doing Proud Mary.
And check out the booty shake at 3:46. God Dyaaaaaaaaammm!!!!! Those girls know how to shake some ass holmes!!
Thursday, November 17, 2011
It's true. I went on a computer at the library the other day and when it said, "Would you like to restore your last session?" I clicked, "HELL YEAH!"
Then..there it was. A stranger's email. Mine for the picking.
Honestly, I would never look in a friend's email or my kid's because I would feel so bad. But a faceless stranger? Meh. I'll take a sneak peek. *taps fingertips together*
And I kind of hit the mother load. It was some chick's email that she uses for talking to people in some porn group. And the porn group was people that were into choking while having sex. So of course I went to the sent folder and there was an email that said, "I miss talking to you. I wish we were having sex now. How are things with you?"
And it was to another chick! Awwwww yeaaah!
But sadly that was the only good email. There were some pictures of chicks being gagged but that was it. But I did Google the girl's name because I wanted to see what she looked like but couldn't find a picture. Damn it!
So would any of you guys do the same thing? And don't THINK about lying.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Here's something that's kind of odd that I was thinking of the other day. When I was between about 8 and 11 for some reason my eyelids looked kind of blueish sometimes. I'm assuming it was veins in my eyelids that made them look blueish but it wasn't like you could see veins or anything. It was just that sometimes that looked blueish. I don't know.
And I can't recall if it was only when it was cold outside or not.
But what I DO recall is that at least on 30 - 40 occasions somebody - usually a stranger - would be looking at me and ask, "Are you wearing eye shadow?"
Or worse yet they would look at me with a confused look and say, "Close your eyes for a second."
WHO THE HELL ASKS A KID WHO'S A STRANGER TO CLOSE THEIR EYES??
Then they would either say, "Oh. OK." And and kind of nod their head in a "Just what I expected" kind of way or ask, "Are you wearing eye shadow?"
And nobody has ever said that since I was 11. Has anyone ever heard of this? I never thought to tell my mom at the time so she could ask the doctor so it remains a mystery.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Remember in the 8th grade at North Junior High when Richard Bulls would draw a picture of Paul Lambert's huge, volzwagon hood domed thumbnail, show it to us and say, "PAUL CLUBS SHIT TEETH LAAAAAAAMBERT!"
Remember? This is what it looked like:
Then he would start banging his thumb in a slow motion as if it were a giant hammer and pretend to crush things? Remember that?
Monday, November 14, 2011
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Somebody. Get. My. Spitup Bucket.
And the other thing I hate about movies like this AND TV shows that have bands are the extras they hire to dance. Every time I see it I look at the crowd and think, "Nobody dances like that."
Thursday, November 10, 2011
She always claimed that "once you have ants you never get rid of them." But I think she was also afraid people would see ants in our house and think that we're "dirty people."
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Well let me tell you, she's pretty darn funny. She also has a blog: Life Just Gets Weirder. (Click on the link to view her blog).
Monday, November 7, 2011
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Did any of you ever have sex to the song "Hitchin' A Ride?" And you thrusted to the beat of the song? And the expression on your face was one one of excitement? Like wide eyed and mouth open? Like the expression of someone that just walked into a surprise party? But your face frozen in that expression the entire time?
And during it your mate played the recorder part that's in the song?
No? Uh...yeah me neither. I....I never did that. That's just dumb. Yeah. Never did that.
*looks at shoe and kicks imaginary rock then runs away*
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
(I just keep staring ahead).
(I look at him and just nod. I notice he's got this fucked up eye).
And speaking of Fudgie the Whale (see last post) are you guys familiar with Carvel and it's commercials? They were huge on the East Coast in the 70's and 80's. Here are the top three.
Which one do you like? And why?
Cookie Puss and Hug Me The Bear (listen for the slide whistle)
Fudgie The Whale (Have a Happy Day Dad)
Cookie O'Puss (high tech and space age as shit! And excellent use of the word "Puss" in a food product)