Daily Local News Starts Tricky Advertising Campaign

I went into my Wawa this morning and as I reached for my USATODAY, I was stunned to see a piece of paper on top of the stack which read, "Ax Murderer Trial Begins in Chester County - read about it in today's Daily Local News".

Are you kidding me? Has the Daily Local sunk so low that it needs persuade readers with this trickery? And why is Wawa tolerating this?

What's next? - Let me just reach over and get myself a tasty Snickers - oh wait.... what's this sign over top of the Snickers bars? 'Snickers make you gay, enjoy a manly Zagnut'.

Wawa and Daily Local News - you've been put on notice. I do not want to see this again.

Johnnie Cochran Rises From Grave In Anger Over Eight Limbed Baby Surgery

Johnnie Cochran rose from the grave this morning as a direct result of the surgery of the eight limbed girl. Urged to take the case by numerous Octopus groups, Cochran's disgust over the surgery and "death" of the Octopus Princess was the final straw that made him rise from the dead.

Never at a loss for words, Cochran, with Octopus President Malbo by side, simply shook his head and said, "This is an extremely and utterly felonious situation."

Visit this link to see photos of the Octopus as depicted on Pulp covers: http://francesca.net/pulp.html

Leave It To the Japanese

Nothing helps one learn about crime in the US like watching Japanese girls repeat the key phrases in English while "dancing" to catchy tunes.

Phoenixville Pool Supplier Wins Hero Award

That Blue Yak would like to give this month's hero award to Phoenixville's Barto Pool and Spa for the courage to put a huge frickin' blue blowup gorilla outside of their business.

While neighboring businesses cowardly choose to announce sales with boring signs and banners, the fine folk at Barto use a big assed ape. Are they afraid that some customers might be afraid of the ape and not enter inside to see the potential discounts on pool and spa supplies? I do not know.

I'm sure there was concern that some potential customers might worry that there are more apes inside and their lives would be in danger if they entered. I'm sure the decision to inflate the "monster sale" ape was debated for months by the employees. ...we will never know. We also don't know if the Main Street business is getting pressure to remove the ape. We hope not - because as we all know, if you can't advertise spa and pool supplies with a big ole' balloon ape, the terrorists have won.

West Whiteland Tomato Thief Confession

The following is a confession by West Whiteland Tomato Thief: Denny Throckmorton:

Yes. I admit it. I walked to the back of my property in my West Whiteland home and saw something that I couldn't ignore. In the area by my fence, where I keep my skull collection, I found a tasty treat - tomato escapees as seen in this picture. I have no guilt. I will be chopping off the the sweet fruit and make a tasty salad. I will then march up to my vegetable journal and note that I need one less Burpee seed packet next season. After that, I will kick the door open in my basement and tell my imaginary wife of my accomplishment. She will be proud. We will proceed to the Exton Michael's store and make very sensible purchases of 3 oz votives - (totally unrelated to the tomato story above -but..that's how she is) . We will then retire for the night.

Bishop Shanahan Goes Green With Yearbook Deletions

It looks as though Downingtown's Bishop Shanahan High School will be going green in a very unique way. According to faculty, the PA Catholic school will be doing it's part to help with the environmental problems by cutting back on the unnecessary practice of publishing yearbook photos of both individual pairs of twins. An unnamed teacher put it this way,

"We all know that twins are pretty much the same person. It makes no sense that we have to see Ted Norris AND Billy Norris. It's redundant. We have not calculated the amount of ink and paper that will be saved, but I'm sure it will add up."

The school is first in the Philadelphia Archdiocese to participate in this test program. The hope, according to church officials is to make such a great impact on the environment, that the possibility of An Inconvenient Truth PART 2, will be ruled out.

Early Sam The Butcher Work

How many times has a complete stranger approached you and asked you about Sam the Butcher and his pre-Brady Bunch work? And you feel like a fool because you don't have an answer don't you? Until now.

I don't know what he did to Sherwood Schwartz to get the Brady Bunch gig but the acting in this Liquid Plumber commercial is downright awful:



Check out the Brady Bunch Shrine here .

Lancaster's Long Park Art & Craft Festival Review

That Blue Yak's Milford Dean Darlak attended the 29th Annual Long's Park Art & Craft Festival in Lancaster - and boy did he have a good time.

It was great. It was an arts and crafts show but not only didn't I see a single clown as I usually see at festivals, there wasn't a single craft booth selling Popsicle stick yarn art. And sand art? Nowhere to be found. It was the perfect weather in Lancaster Sunday and there were many classy people there. Here are some pictures I took:

This was an Amish gal that I almost hit on the way there. "Hold on there Kinzer Kate. You don't want your bike smashed and I don't won't front bumper damage. So take your time. The pies will still be there when you arrive. Safety first."

Holy cow - a huge dog sculpture with a cut out bone in the middle. Hmmm...perfect for snooping.

When in doubt and feeling like an art rube, go with it with such comments as, "Those eyes in that painting are not even the same size" or "$1200? Are you crazy? I've seen paintings like this at Walmart for $19.99 and they even come with a frame."

Now you're talking. I was all set to enjoy a 100% Angus beef hot dog from Tri-County Barbecue Catering but when I got up to the counter, I noticed it was a foot long. I was too embarrassed to order it because people might have thought I was a gay so I settled for the hamburger. It was pretty tasty.

While doing research for this article I came across an interesting link about the amish and their nicknames. Check it out by clicking the word link: link

Coulhoun Presents West Chester's Mr. Classy With Elvis Reese's Cup

Dear Nana Zibbs,

Not two hours after the Entemann's/Hostess posting I entered the Boot Road Wawa and who do I see? That's right - Calhoun. And do you know what that Delaware County bred hillbilly did? He reached into his overalls and opened his wallet and bought me one of the new Reece's Elvis Peanut Butter and Banana Cream Cups and let me tell you they were downright delightful.

The banana cream resides below the peanut butter and nicely compliments the chocolate. Calhoun's favorite things are Elvis, food and boobs. If Hershey's (producer of Reese's) would just mold the the Elvis peanut butter cups into the shape of boobies I think Calhoun would give these morels and A plus!

Click on the following to read more about this new candy treat:

Slashfood

Junkfood Blog

Candyblog

Ask Nana Zibbs

Dear Nana Zibbs, I was just eating a delicious Entenmann's Cheese Danish I purchased at Wawa. As I was at the stoplight and enjoying it's light fluffy goodness, my friend - let's call him Calhoun - saw me eating it and made fun of me by doing the "international eating symbol" (holding hand up to mouth and munching at the air).

As a back round, I was recently on a trip with him to Nashville where he wolfed down at least 12 hostess cakes in a three day period. As I'm a very classy man, I never mentioned his awful eating habits. I've sent photographs of the actual wrappers for your reference.

How should I handle this delicate situation?

Signed,

Mr. Classy, (West Chester, PA)

Dear Mr Classy, Firstly, your friend Calhoun is a big dummy. The hostess product he chose is a big ole' sugary cake that I can't even find on their website. Even Hostess is embarrassed of this product. I am familiar with this product however and it's awful! He clearly chose it by size, not taste. Your friend Calhoun is the type when asked "Would you like lobster for dinner or coco puffs?" - His answer would be, "Whichever has the larger portion please."

I've studied the photos you've thoughtfully enclosed and found something very revealing with package. The first thing is the lack of frosting on the inner package. The Nashville heat combined with the poor quality of this cake make it virtually impossible that no residue remain on the package. Calhoun was obviously licking the wrapper like a dog to get every sugary crumb. The second issue here are the tears I see right above the letter "t" in the word Hostess. My man eats, then he cries. Very sad indeed.

Calhoun obviously is a ticking time bomb and when he blows, it's going to be a mess and anyone within 50 feet with him will be covered in food. My advice to you is to find some friends with better eating habits.

Is Gang Violence Coming to West Chester University?

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Two Tall People And One Fake - You Be The Judge

Below are several tall people. One is a hoax. The others are real. Study the pictures carefully and pick the hoax. (for entertainment purposes only - please, not betting)

A) "Hi, I'm Sandy. I'm tall. This is my friend Sid. He sells carpeting and is handing me an empty box that's been gussied up to look like a present. I wish it actually concealed treats. I'm tall."

B) "My name is Bao Xishun. I the tall one.This little rascal I think is a boy, a man or a monkey man. He be put next to me to make me look taller but it do not matter because I am tall for real. Please choose 'B' to keep my family out of danger."

C) "I'm the real tall one. Look, I'm walking next to a regular sized person."

The correct answer is C.

To read advice about how to grow tall by a few uninformed dummies on Yahoo Answers, click here.

Hey Everyone, Look At Those Nuns

Observation by THAT BLUE YAK'S BENJAMIN R. POLISKI

I was eating breakfast at the Happy Days Diner in Frazer and two nuns walked in. And do you know what? I started laughing. I guess it's like seeing your 2ND grade teacher at the mall or a dude in a Speedo when you're not in Canada - it just seems out of place.

But God Bless the little rascals. I decided to let them eat instead of the old days. I would have stared them down for a while. Then I'd walk over and sit down in their booth and not say anything for a few minutes. Then I'd start eating their food or say something like, "We don't take kindly to your type in these parts".

I guess I'm mature now.

Learn more about becoming a nun here

Phoenixville Blues Festival Still a Go Despite 167 Degree Forecast

It's still a go in Phoenixville despite a weather forecast of 167 degrees. The home of the blob is asking all music loving residents to leave the comfort of their air conditioned homes and pools and join them in downtown Phoenixville today.

We're asking that all people that like to complain about the the heat stay home. They will not be tolerated.

Pennsylvania troopers will be on hand in full force to beat, arrest and jail buzz killing festival complainers. So please, come on out and enjoy the great blues but respectfully keep your pie hole shut about the God awful, untolerable heat.


What: New Century Bank Blues Festival


When: August 25, 2007/ 1:00 to approx. 7:00


Where: Bridge Street and Main Street in Phoenixville, PA


What to bring:
- Ice
- water
- reserve cooler with ice and water
- directions to places that sell ice and water
- phone numbers of friends that can bring you water in case the stores that sell ice and water are sold out.
- cute parasol that subtly complements your outfit.

Enjoy.

Presidential Coins Contest - We Need Your Help

The following are the results of a USA Today report concerning the new presidential coins:

- 26% of Americans have seen a new presidential coin.

- 73% have not seen one.

- 1% "have no opinion".

If the presidential coin series gains popularity, the Federal Reserve has estimated that $500 million a year would be saved. We're calling on America to help with the popularity of this very important coin collection by suggesting alternate images for the coins. This is how it will go down:

1) THAT BLUE YAK will start the list and we will accept all suggestions from you - the little people. Please add suggestions in comments area below.

2) Please suggest an image for the "face" side of the coin and for the unimportant B side.

3) Once we've gathered all of the suggestions from the little people, we will randomly discard all but two of the choices and add them to our stellar list.

4) We will type the choices onto a nice stock paper.

5) We will try to get an artist to draw a few of these potential coins for free.

6) We will then send the list and the drawings to Washington D.C. asking for the images to be considered.

Here are some of suggestions from THAT BLUE YAK:

WILLIAM TAFT

Face side: A close up of William Howard Taft stuffing his face with a Burger Kink Quad Stacker.

B side: Tips on how to eat sensibly.

JAMES BUCHANAN

Face side: James Buchanan holding pinkie up to the corner of his mouth. Paul Lynde is seen in the background giving the international "ssshhhh" symbol.

B side: Fashion tips.

ABRAHAM LINCOLN

Face side: Abraham Lincoln, portrayed at his true size of 23 feet 9 inches tall about to crush a cowering Robert E. Lee at the battle of Fredericksburg.

B side: Beard maintenance tips using only a dull razor and twig.

GEORGE WASHINGTON

Face side: George Washington holding his wooden teeth up to the face of a child and saying, "Got your nose!"

B side: Top reasons King George was a dick.

FRANKLIN ROOSEVELT

Face side: Franklin Roosevelt giving Adolph Hitler the Mandibular Nerve Pinch. (Tears can be seen in the eyes of Hitler).

B side: Friendly reminders of the "leave a penny, take a penny" rule.

TEDDY ROOSEVELT

Face side: Teddy Roosevelt holding his ray gun with foot placed upon his most prized hunting trophy -the mighty unicorn of the Belgian Congo.

B side: Mighty Unicorn of the Belgian Congo skinning tips and recipes.

Good luck.

S'more Invention Is Sure To Change The World

The following conversation was transcribed in the THAT BLUE YAK lounge today as part time electrician Edwin the Earl Kennedy bore assed everyone on his new invention

Man have I got an invention for you. Let's just say that after the last post about the marshmallows and the Copeland School Road fire, I got a hankering' for some s'mores. The ingredients were purchased, the fire was made and the s'more's were a flyin'.

Without giving the details away, one of the youngsters put a piece of chocolate in between two marshmallows before toasting it. That's when it hit me - MY GREAT IDEA. I'm afraid you're going to have to wait to hear the sweet details. If I give the details away, I'm sure some a-hole will steal it and be on his way. Once I've developed the prototype and secured a primary and secondary Chinese factory I MAY reveal the details. If I were you, I'd create a tickler file to remind yourself because believe me..it's so worth the wait. As a matter of fact, all of my robot making plans have been put temporarily on hold.

Let's just say that the relatives of Eli Whitney will soon be forgotten.

That is all.

Mr Kennedy then proceeded to reheat his hot pocket in the microwave and marched confidently out of the lounge.

Huge Fire Rages on Boot Road - Area Supermarkets Issue Statement

As a fire raged at the corner of Boot Road and Copeland School Road this afternoon, the Chester County Supermarket alliance issued the following statement: WE ARE OUT OF MARSH MELLOWS!

Robert Norris, Exton Acme Manager announced the following to crowds outside of the Whiteland Town Center in Exton via bullhorn,

"Listen people, there are no more marsh mellows. We have a few boxes of peeps and we will be auctioning them off at around 2:30. We will be accepting cash only"

The fire raged at 1:00 Friday in West Whiteland. That Blue Yak receptionist Betsy Griffin captured these amazing photos after picking up the last bag of marsh mellows at Wegmans in Downingtown and "popping home quickly to make sure her iron was turned off."

Elvis Smelvis - Look At This Sign That Vernon Made

Yes, it's been 30 years since the death of Elvis, but how many years since father Vernon Presley made this crappy sign? On a recent trip to Graceland we took a picture of this simple sign.

The sign hangs on the garage/shed-like "office" that sits in the backyard of Graceland. What or who inspired Vernon to make this sign? The tone, red letters and capital letters indicate his rage. But the pencil marks that were put in place to keep the letters straight show his patience. The unerased guidelines though indicate sloppiness.

Many questions remain. Why didn't he plan the letters more carefully so they wouldn't be all squished in at the end of the line as seen on the words EMPLOYEES and BUSINESS? How did this dummy make no spelling errors?

Who were the non employee loafers? Were they wondering hillbillies? Delivery men? And how many versions did Vern Presley make of the sign before crumpling it up and starting anew?

Was Vernon Presley tired of sitting at his metal desk and lining up pencils so he was looking for a more important task? We may never know - unless we dig up his body - located about 30 yards away and ask the man . But he would not answer. Because he is dead.

The Pick Up Artist - Now Here is Some Good TV

A review by That Blue Yak TV editor Billy Melons.

Let me first start by saying that I'm not a fan of reality TV. It's fake and the characters are annoying. The Pick Up Artist on the other hand can be described in one word: Nerdarifick!

Eight lonely nerds are taught how to "pick up chicks" by master pickup artists. The first episode featured the nerds trying to pick up a lady at a nightclub.

If this is what you call a train wreck then take me to the station because nothing is as refreshing as hearing the following dialog from the 45 year old nerd trying to talk to a 25 year old hottie at a club:

Old Nerd: Any Cajuns here?

Hottie: I am. I'm from New Orleans!

Old Nerd: How did your family do in Katrina?

Hottie: Two died.

Way to go Poindexter!

The pickup artists, namely, "Mystery", "Matador"and "JDog" then go into the club and show em' how it's done. Personally, I think most chicks would be creeped out by JDog but his English accent softened the weird look for the ladies I guess. (I ain't no queer so how would I know?)

Trust me, this is a must see. Tune in tonight VH1 (Monday, Aug 13) at 9:00 Eastern time. You will not be disappointed.

Check out the official site on VH1 by clicking the following word: GEEK

Creepy Mom Catches Son Playing With Himself

West Chester, Pa

Busted! Enjoy the following disturbing video as reviewed by cafeteria workers of Chester County's 3rd most influential business - That Blue Yak:




"That robot mom was trained real good,"

- Benny Lewis Crane (mopper)

"I'm concerned that the video shows a sticker of Mickey Mouse on the wall. It's all coming together now."
- John B Lawrence (corn guy)

"WAIT A MINUTE! This video's been edited. What happened to the part where he pulls the knife out and slits his throat?"
- Mary Ann Cornish (Supervisor)

New Zoo Review Outtake Is Pure Fun

Please enjoy the following outtake from the New Zoo Review. If my math is correct, classic cheezeball TV plus gay references equals pure fun. Enjoy

Cruise Ship Bumps NYC Dock; Ship Doctor Suffers Bruised Ego

A cruise ship bumped a pier at the Manhattan passenger terminal on Thursday. No physical injuries were reported, however ship Doctor Adam "Doc" Bricker suffered a bruised ego. Cruise Director Julie McCoy explains,

"Apparently, Doc was just about to 'seal the deal' if you know what I mean with Jaye P. Morgan when John Aston and Raymond Burr come strolling by. Raymond mentions to John in clear earshot of Jaye P. the size of Dick Van Patten's package. Well let me tell you, Jaye P. hears that and she was out of there. Doc just stood there looking like a dope.......Oh yeah, then we bumped the Hudson River Pier."

Sea Isle City Shark Attack Leaves Opening For Finance Director

West Chester, PA

The good news is that THAT BLUE YAK has an opening for Finance Director. Please see job requirements on http://www.monster.com/ and send resume to HR Director Samuel McGrath.

The bad news is that THAT BLUE YAK Finance Director was killed horribly this weekend in a brutal shark attack in Sea Isle City, New Jersey. The terrible mishap happened off of the 54th street beach. Thankfully, the company will receive a quick check from their insurance company for their destroyed wave runner as the horrible mishap was captured on video:

Simpson's Movie Makes $71.9 million - Angry Mob Makes Sure Comic Hacks "Don't Get Any Ideas"

The Simpsons movie has topped the weekend box office pulling in an impressive $71.9 million. The huge payday has sparked concern that other cartoon creators may now be considering the big screen as a vehicle. Just to make sure, angry mobs have been surrounding Cathy creator Cathy Guisewite's home for the last three hours.

Mob leader Mike Barlo explains,

"I was at the opening of the Simpsons Movie and it was great. As I'm sitting there though, I was thinking, 'great, now all the crappy cartoonists are going to try and cash in. I'm sure that Ms. Guisewite is a lovely lady, but the cartoon is horrible. The idea - even the remote chance that that garbage might appear on a theater near me made me pull this mob together."

Mr. Barlo and others have no intention of harming the NCS award winning artist but just want to give her a scare and make sure she, "doesn't get any ideas".

After confirming that he's still alive, the mob will be making it's next stop at the home of Bil Keane- creator of the Family Circus at 5:00. All interested citizens wishing to join the mob are encouraged to bring their own torches and pitchforks as they will be handed out on a first come first serve basis.

Barnes and Noble Janitor Arrested for Spoiling Deathly Hallows Ending for Readers

Allentown, PA

A Barnes and Noble cashier was arrested Saturday for "spoiling" the latest Harry Potter book ending for readers. Ted Denver, a cashier at the Allentown book chain was apparently taping post-it notes to the 3rd page of Deathly Hallows revealing the ending of the book.

Furious nerds heckled the 42 year old as he was taken out of the store in handcuffs. The hurled rocks and plastic promotional magic wands didn't stop Mr. Denver from defending himself,

"You're all freaks! Look at yourselves - you fatso. How old are you? 15? You're wearing a frickin' purple robe!"

According to fellow workers, Denver used to be a huge Star Wars fan until an uncle confronted him and humiliated him back to reality and made him realize that he was a complete nerd.

"It was really eye opening. I was 19 years old and I had never been on a date. Once I stopped obsessing about that Star Wars, I actually got a life. These Harry Potter freaks are even worse. I added the spoilers into the books because I really wanted to 'give something back' as they say."

Heterosexuals Unknowingly Travel To Their Annual Guy's Weekened - That Is About To Turn Gay

A group of heterosexual men packed their bags and flew to Reno yesterday for what they think will be another extended weekend of beer, cards and farting on each other. What they don't know is that the group's organizer, Shawn McClure- (father of two and living a lie) is about to make his move and "try some stuff".

The tradition of an extended weekend with the boys started about 10 years ago and was informally named "YAG" (Young Arrogant Guys). Good time has been had by all at these drink and laugh fests. Last year however, several of the guys started to think Shawn was getting "a bit weird".

Greg Green, one of the holdouts this year explains,

"We're always goofing around and making gay comments to each other but Shawn always took it a bit far. It's hard to explain, but it's like when you're at a urinal and there's some dude next to you and you KNOW something ain't right. It's a gut feeling."

The additional non attendees this year, Jimmy Steinberger, Mike Polaski , Ted Taylor and Len Carnes gathered a few months ago and exchanged stories. Let's just say that all the pieces fell into place. The following is a condensed list that was compiled from a free style brainstorming session entitled, "reasons Shawn McClure is probably gay":

1. "He came up with the name YAG - spelled backwards is 'GAY' ."


2. "I woke up one night and he was standing over my bed, applying chap stick and whispering, 'That's it, that's it'".


3. "We went to a canyon to shoot pistols one year and he kept coming up behind me and putting his arms around my body trying to show me how to hold the gun - you know, the way you do with a chick if you're trying to teach her to golf."


4. "Whenever there's a guy on TV that's a guy that chicks are into, he looks at you and says something like, 'Zac Efron is such a pretty boy, don't you think....Mike, Mike, hey Mike....Mike don't you think that Zac Efron is one of those pretty boys?' Almost like he's throwing feelers out there."


5. "One time, Rick was walking by with a towel on and Dan grabbed him and joking around was like, 'C'mon Rick you know you want it'. We were all cracking up but when I looked over at McClure, he was eating this rib and just staring...slowly eating his last rib. I'm no lip reader but he was slowly saying, 'KNOW....YOU....WANT....IT'. Then slowly went back to eating the rib. It was like the frickin' gay Hannibal Lechter or something."


6. "One time he was reading Sports Illustrated - but it was UPSIDE DOWN! When he went to the bathroom I walked over and behind the Sports Illustrated was the American Girl Magazine. And this is where it gets weird. I think he actually brought it there. The subscription address was scribbled out, but I'm 99% sure that it was his work address"!


7. "He was putting sun tan lotion on Mike's back one one time - which sorry Mike, you may be gay too - and it was like a God damn ritual. First, he stood behind Mike and put the lotion on his hands but kind of rubbing his wrist together a bit -almost like he was about to savor something that he's been waiting a LONG TIME FOR. He then starts putting the lotion on and the look on his face is kind of like the look Rick gets when he's eating something really good. It's like he's holding back saying, this feels SOOOOO good'. Then about 30 seconds into the rubbing he leans over a little closer to Mike and says, 'Wow, you sure are tense'. And to put icing on the cake, he has his sunglasses dangling out of his mouth the whole time."
8. One time we found a pair of underwear in Rick's kitchen drawer that Rick uses as a pot holder - which is a whole different story in itself, but the next day - that underwear was missing. I was like, 'Hey, what happened to that underwear?" Just then, Ted walks in and says, 'Who the hell was putting things in their car at 4:30 in the morning?". I look over at Shawn and he looked guilty as hell. He did the ole eye shift to the right - then to the left - then said, 'Hey what's that over there?' as if he was looking at something in the other room. He then quickly got up and left the room. It was pretty freaky. I think he knew I was on to him."

The YAG weekend continues until Monday. We wish you all well.

Washington University Study is Last Straw for Chimps - US Raises Chimp Attack Threat Level to Plaid

The University of Washington has revealed that walking on two legs is easier than walking on four - according to the National Academy of Sciences. (see story by clicking on the following word: banana ).

According to researchers, walking on two feet uses 3/4 less energy.

Spokeschimp Bobo McGee doesn't give a crap about the study and relayed the following statement via sign language through his human interpreter.

"This is bullshit! Look at Mr. Giggles on that God damned machine - he looks like a clown! We are tired of being dressed up in human clothes - and tired of doing experiments and overall, tired of being made to look like fools. Why the hell are you humans always pulling this crap?"

After being given half an orange, Mr McGee went on to say,

"Oh you'll pay...You'll pay!"

The Department of Chimpanzee Security is now saying that the study has enraged chimps and the alert level has been elevated to plaid since the release of the study.

US officials have been monitoring the growing chimp rage in recent years and believe that the Washington University study is the tipping point. Top officials think a Summer attack WILL happen. That Blue Yak has obtained and exclusive statement from Bill Darlak, an ex undercover chimp operative. Mr Darlak thinks the threats should be taken very seriously,

"I am VERY, VERY concerned for the country this Summer. I was undercover for two years at several chimp training facilities and after you get over the humor of these funny little rascals and their human like behavior, you see the rage these apes have. It is quite frightening. I really wanted to stay with them longer but was alerted by animal experts that my chimp costume was really a gorilla costume. My superiors insisted that I abort my mission"

Officials are asking the public to be on the lookout for the following chimps:

Retarded Wawa Worker Amazingly Knows The Words To The Devo Hit Whip It

A retarded girl working at local convenience store correctly sings Whip It without mangling the lyrics. That Blue Yak Field Anthropologist Jeff Petroski reports:

It was amazing. I was in Wawa, and the girl who replaces straws, keeps cup holders full and cheerfully greets morning workers with a cheerful, "Good Mooornins", knew all the words to Devo's Whip It. It's very amazing indeed when you consider the lines:

"Now whip it. Into shape. Shape it up. Get straight. Go forward. Move ahead. Try to detect it. It's not too late. To whip it. Whip it good"

These are EXTREMELY complicated lyrics especially for the retarded. I've discussed the situation with several associates and we all agree that the song must have been sung at a retarded event or festival. Very patient care takers and trainers probably took months rehearsing the lyrics OVER and OVER and OVER again until the song was second nature. Did any of the trainers quit out of frustration? Did any handlers get mauled during the hours of rehearsal? I don't know as these training facilities are often miles away from humans AND I have a phobia of the retardeds.

I do know this though - it was a very "special" moment. Now please put your sanitized gloves back on before I call the Board of Health.

God Bless.

License to Wed - the Movie - Top 10 Things that will Probably Happen

It's July 6 and another unfunny movie is now in theaters. It's name, License to Wed. Without actually seeing the film, That Blue Yak's movie man Franklin Yearsley will list his top "supposed to be funny" lines that will probably happen in the movie.

1) Robin William (in Southern accent):
"Y'all in love but this just ain't gonna fly (turns head as if speaking to wife) MAW..GET MY SHOTGUN" (then, big smile and talking in regular accent) I am a kidder.



2) Robin Williams (in feminine, gay accent)
"Honey you want to say 'I Do" but those shoes with that dress is saying 'I don't'. "



3) Fat side kick kid (while rolling eyes):
"The Lord sure does travel in mysterious ways."



4) Jim from the Office (almost cursing but then sees Robin Williams):
"HOLY shhhhh........shammy...holy shimmy..has anyone seen my holy shimmy? I...was about to wash my car."



5) Fat side kick kid:
"I told them (shrugs shoulders) but they never listen"



6) Jim from the Office:
"Is it too late to convert to Judaism?"



7) Jim from the Office
"In the name of the father, son....CHECK PLEASE!"



8) Robin Williams (in John Wayne accents)
"You're gonna meet me at confessional at sun down partner and don't forget to bring you sins."



9) Jim from the Office (in confessional confessing sins for first time but unknowingly talking to fat side kick kid instead of Robin Williams")
"Well, I guess there was that time that I snuck into the Cubs game. Wait, does that count as a sin?



10) Fat side kick kid (hiding in confessional)
"For an angel, I sure do feel like a little devil."

That is all.

Blogger Ends 33 Year Soul Train Racism And Creates Fun Party Game To Boot

It was 1974. The dancers were dressed allllll funky and what not. They was doin' their thang. But WHO were those dancers? What were their names. I think we can all agree that it was racism. THAT BLUE YAK will now give these young dancers their proper credit by naming them.

They will now not only have a face but they will have a name. Names that they should where with pride - not figuratively, but literally, on large, bedazzled, name tag buttons. These name tags should be worn at ALL TIMES. Now, enjoy getting down with these brothers as they do their stuff , followed by their new names and a fun game.



Now to have some fun. Gather your friends and yell out the names of the dancers as they do their thing. Pretend you know them and you're all friends. Make up stories about the dancing adventures you've all had together.
Did you perhaps solve crimes with your new dancing friends? Maybe you did.
Were you all asked by the Mayor of your town to pitch in and help with the fight against litter? And then just when you thought you lost the battle you guys got the whole town dancing and then everyone learned a lesson about litter? And themselves? I don't know. The only limit to your adventures is your imagination.

We now give you their new non-slave names:

- Slipper Band Man
- Sir Frogalicious
- Bandana the Tank
- Backstroke Afromatic
- Bus Token Scooper Slim
- The Rich Little of Raj Thomas
- Blue Trouser Howser
- Candy Cane Calf Carl
- The Admiral of Cool
- Denim Da Hip
- (WARNING: This is some white dude disguised as a black dude. He has not earned a name)
- Bell Bottom Swell Bottom
- Tyron "Dease coals is hot but dis lady be fine) Lincoln
- Sidewalkin' Ice Guy
- Sir Twirls a Lot
- Goat Leg the Inner City Centaur
- The Butt
- Bizniss Man Tight
- Jiu-Jitzu Jammin' Jim (aka Robo-martial-artso)
- Gymnastic the Bombastic Flim Flam Lover Man
- Brother Soul Sam the Anti-Man

Repeat and Enjoy.

WARNING: Do not repeat more than three times. Do not go into "bad areas" of the city trying to make new "real" friends.