My Thoughts On Car Magnets and Stickers.

I'm not a fan of car bumper stickers, magnets or stickers. Thoughts:

College - These are OK I guess.

Sports Teams - I can kind of understand these but only use one.

Honor Student - Retarded. Even more retarded are the ones that say, "Blah Blah school honors ALL of their students."

Beach Destination (ie: OC for Ocean City) - These are OK if you actually own a home there or go there almost every weekend.

Cartoons showing how many family members you have - Stupid. What happens if someone dies? Do you take one off? Maybe I should sell halo and wing stickers that can be used in this case.

Political - I really hate these. And if your candidate loses take if off for God's sake.

Magnets saying which breed of do you love - I hate anyone that has one of these. Why do you have to advertise you have a Yorkie?

OK that's about it.

Mr G And His Movement Piece Full. I LOVE THIS!!

Oh my God my brother just told me about this show called Mr G! I've got to see this!!

Loving The Max Tall Commercials. Anyone?

Have you guys seen the commercial for Max Tall? I like the very first scene where a few guys are going out to lunch and shorty isn't invited. And what happens if you meet some chick and she thinks you're tall then later realizes you're a shrimp? I guess it's just the same as those chicken cutlet boob lifters.

And I would like to wear them for a day so I could walk around being 6'6". A giant man. Towering above the Lilliputians.

Oh, and the second video is pretty good too. I love how they portray the shame of being short. The dude walks up to the hottie in the bar, then stops in his tracks, "Oh she's....she's tall. Let me just...let me just go back and sit down."

And I love the third scene where the dude is at the store and he can't reach the thing on the top shelf so the girl reaches it for him. Look at the expression on his face! HA! And I have a feeling she wouldn't be going out with him even if he was tall. She doesn't look like she's into Mexican dudes. Just a hunch.

THIS POST IS NOT FOR BABIES! The Devil Inside.

If you know me you know I love horror movies. And my favorite are Satanic movies. But to tell you the truth I'm usually disappointed in horror movies. I'm always hoping to be super scared then it's like, "Meh."

But when I was seeing a movie with my daughter a few weeks ago the trailer for The Devil Inside came on. And maaaaaaaan it looks creepy and scary!

And not to scare anyone but if you have a heart condition PLEASE don't watch this trailer. I've made sure to get all of your locations and have placed a doctor outside of your houses just in case you start getting all heart attackey but you've been warned.

Weird Thing About When I Eat Pistachios. Odd Food Habits.

So here's the weird thing. I have no problem not cleaning my plate. Most of the time I eat a meal I won't finish everything and I have no problem throwing it out. I'll throw out 30 percent of my meal. No problem.

But then certain foods it kills me to throw them away. Pistachios are an example. When I'm eating pistachios and I get to the random ones that I can't open I'll put them to the side and then when I'm done I'll actually get a nut cracker. A FULL SIZED NUTCRACKER and open them and eat them.

I also can't waste beer, wine, ice cream, shrimp and steak among other things.

Anyone else have these issues?

Robert Plant With Rockpile.

Check out my man Robert Plant with Rockpile in 1979.

THE 3 STOOGES MOVIE IS COMING! West Chester Man Prepares.

HAHAHA!!! Check out this Trailer for the 3 Stooges movie by the Farrelly brothers! Coming soon. And my favorite stooge Larry looks hysterical. He's played by that dude from Will and Grace.

I saw the trailer in the theater and totally guffawed over it. What do you think?

I Hate Making Bad Food Ordering Decisions. Downingtown Wegmans.

Mmmm. Look what I had for an early lunch. In that container you got your...

- Gorgonzola stuffed olives.
- Feta stuffed olives.
- Artichokes.
- Mozzarella cheese
- Cherry pepper poppers (ham was used instead of proscuitto which should be a crime)

So I'm eating it in my car and got kind of pissed because you need something to alternate bites with all the salty/olive oily stuff. I usually get some almonds and a piece of crunchy bread or another type of cheese but didn't.

So then I found myself eating it and getting kind of pissed at myself. Kind of like when you go to a restaurant, meals come and you look at the person next to you and think, "Damn it! I should have gotten THAT!" And the person knows they made the better choice and is all, "This is REALLY good!"

"Oh good. So is this." (Yeah right.)

Oh well.

DAMN IT I SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN SOMETHING ELSE!! *looks for someone to blame*

Best Book Cover Ever Found at Exton Barnes and Noble.

So I'm walking through the Exton Barnes and Noble the other day and this stops me in my tracks:



This is a real book. And it was in the adult science fiction area. This is NOT a kids book. I would love to have hung out all day to see the type of person that sees this book, skims through with interest then purchases it. Can you imagine?

Chester County Blogger Declares This Video Swishy. Neil Sedaka.

Uh yeah. So uh...the thing is uh.. Neil Sedaka claims to be straight but this is some of the gayest shit I've ever seen. With the hips and the mom jeans... I mean come on now. Out of the closet with you already.

And this is from The Midnight Special too. How disappointed do you think you would be if you showed up and saw this nonsense?

West Chester Blogger Sees Slobby Lady Eating A Sandwich.

Not saying that all women have to be super feminine but Jesus Christ! Here's the lady I just saw eating a roast beef sandwich:

- Bleach blond hair. 290 pounds.
- Sitting at table with legs spread.
- Chomping on sandwich while talking on phone. Talking LOUDLY. With mouth full. Phone is between shoulder and ear so she can have two hands free to shovel food in mouth.
- Food drips on shirt. She continues to talk and eat but wipes the food into her shirt then pulls sweater over shirt in an attempt to conceal it.

I'm not kidding...she was like Mel from Alice. Come on people. Just...come on. At what point do people just say, "I give up."

WEST CHESTER BLOGGER CELEBRATES BLOG ANNIVERSARY! THAT BLUE YAK.

*Confetti falls from ceiling*

Today is a very important day.... It's the 5th anniversary of my blog! A little blog called THAT BLUE YAK.

1455 posts later and here I stand*. A changed man. It's hard to tell how many laughs have been generated or how many lives have been changed. But Jesus Christ...FIVE YEARS!!!

Please leave your reflections in the comements** area.

*And only 2 posts were stupid!!
** "comments" intentionally spelled wrong to celebrate 5 years of typos.

This Is When I Run For The Hills. West Chester Baby Needs Tissue.

"..Uh baby? You have something like right here....No..right like..under your nose...Yeah I think you need a tissue."

West Chester Blogger Shares Thanksgiving Tradition. Bobo The Clown.

I love traditions. I'd like to share a bit of my Thanksgiving tradition with you the reader. Above is a picture of last year's Thanksgiving. The day before actually. That's Charles the Turkey.

Look at him go!

We like to cage the bird and pamper him for a few hours before....well...you know.

So we give him special treats, sing traditional Pilgimy sounding songs, dance around his cage and taunt him playfully with sticks.

Then, it's time for Bobo the clown to begin his slaying. So he slowly circles the cage. The bird senses something is wrong. And starts darting all over the cage. During this all the kids pull a feather from the Negro Indian head (total fucking heirloom and valuable as shit) and hand their feather to Bobo.

Bobo picks the smallest feather and the child that gave him that feather gets to hold the gobbler to the stump while Bobo chops his head off.

We then give the turkey to Nana who defeathers it and cleans it.

What traditions do YOU guys have?

Invention Idea For Secretly Taking Pictures of People. Lookalike At Victory Beer.

So I was out with my son the other night getting some food at Victory Beer and....

Me: Hey look. I didn't know your Uncle Mike was here.

Son: (looks at dude who is actually a lookalike) Haha. I was thinking the same thing.

Me: (referring to his necklace) And looks like the Sasquatch sized Uncle Mike is into jewelry.

Son: Dad, Sasquatch Uncle Mike likes to call it "bling."

And the sad thing is....I would have LOVED to get a photo but didn't know how to do it discreetly. That's what sucks with cameras on phones. You see a perfect, photo ready specimen and you can never get their picture. Sure, you can wear an Abe Lincoln type hat and conceal it in there but who the hell wants to go through THAT trouble? ...and you have to set the timer..No thanks!

So my idea is a camera that's built into one of those nerdy ass bluetooth ear pieces. And you look at your phone to control the direction of the camera. And when you have your photo specimen in view? ...Click. Captured. On your phone.

Seriously don't know why this hasn't been invented. I would have a blog just of lookalikes and freaks that I see. Well, I guess we'll have to wait for the world of tomorrow.

Tina Turner Doin' Her Stuff Holmes! Ass Shakin' Yo!

Here's a song that I listen to on my Ipod. Ike and Tina doing Proud Mary.

And check out the booty shake at 3:46. God Dyaaaaaaaaammm!!!!! Those girls know how to shake some ass holmes!!

I Accidentally Looked In Somebody's Email In Exton. Is God Mad At Me Now?

It's true. I went on a computer at the library the other day and when it said, "Would you like to restore your last session?" I clicked, "HELL YEAH!"

Then..there it was. A stranger's email. Mine for the picking.

Honestly, I would never look in a friend's email or my kid's because I would feel so bad. But a faceless stranger? Meh. I'll take a sneak peek. *taps fingertips together*

And I kind of hit the mother load. It was some chick's email that she uses for talking to people in some porn group. And the porn group was people that were into choking while having sex. So of course I went to the sent folder and there was an email that said, "I miss talking to you. I wish we were having sex now. How are things with you?"

And it was to another chick! Awwwww yeaaah!

But sadly that was the only good email. There were some pictures of chicks being gagged but that was it. But I did Google the girl's name because I wanted to see what she looked like but couldn't find a picture. Damn it!

So would any of you guys do the same thing? And don't THINK about lying.

Something That Strangers Used To Ask ME. Close Your Eyes.

Here's something that's kind of odd that I was thinking of the other day. When I was between about 8 and 11 for some reason my eyelids looked kind of blueish sometimes. I'm assuming it was veins in my eyelids that made them look blueish but it wasn't like you could see veins or anything. It was just that sometimes that looked blueish. I don't know.

And I can't recall if it was only when it was cold outside or not.

But what I DO recall is that at least on 30 - 40 occasions somebody - usually a stranger - would be looking at me and ask, "Are you wearing eye shadow?"

Or worse yet they would look at me with a confused look and say, "Close your eyes for a second."

WHO THE HELL ASKS A KID WHO'S A STRANGER TO CLOSE THEIR EYES??

Then they would either say, "Oh. OK." And and kind of nod their head in a "Just what I expected" kind of way or ask, "Are you wearing eye shadow?"

And nobody has ever said that since I was 11. Has anyone ever heard of this? I never thought to tell my mom at the time so she could ask the doctor so it remains a mystery.

Remember When This Happened In Junior High? West Chester North.

Remember in the 8th grade at North Junior High when Richard Bulls would draw a picture of Paul Lambert's huge, volzwagon hood domed thumbnail, show it to us and say, "PAUL CLUBS SHIT TEETH LAAAAAAAMBERT!"

Remember? This is what it looked like:



Then he would start banging his thumb in a slow motion as if it were a giant hammer and pretend to crush things? Remember that?

BREAKING NEWS CONCERNING MY HAIR! Wegmans.

I was a party this weekend hosted by a Twitter friend of mine. Had a great time and met some great people.

So I was introduced to this one young chippy and she said she followed me on Twitter. But I didn't recognize her name because she doesn't tweet that much (but I did look her up later and I did recognize who she was). She was really funny. Chit chat, riffing and laughs were exchanged....

So she sends me a tweet later that night that say...Are you sitting down for this?...it says: "You're totally hot in person." You read that right. Awwww yeah. I still got it!

I thanked her on Sunday for the compliment then she later tweeted: "I just spent my nap dreaming about the perfectness of you hair."

And now the big news. Please. Remain seating. While spending the next half hour staring at my hair in the mirror and pretending that it was being blown by the wind I made a decision. Are you ready? .....

I've decided to be the spokesman for Wegman's brand styling hair gel #8!! YES I DID! I may also consider endorsing #9 but I don't want to seem like a shallow shill so I may endorse #9 as an alter ego. Perhaps as a pirate. Or as a tycoon in the emerging wind power industry. Not sure yet.

As I'm sure you may know, I used to use LA Looks brand styling gel but stopped. And did they ever offer me an endorsement deal? No. So they can just suck it. I'm going with Wegmans.

I'll keep you updated on all the details.

I Hate When Movies Have Crappy Bands. Satisfaction. Justine Bateman.

Somebody. Get. My. Spitup Bucket.

Because I just woke up and turned the TV on and the Justine Bateman movie "Satisfaction" was on. Julia Roberts is in it too. I hate when movies have bands and the bands are terrible. And the actor's are getting all into into and you're supposed to believe that they're a great band.

Like in this clip below. They start playing and the people in the audience have these expressions like they're slowly seeing something amazing. Like slowly they're all, "What?..What?...I think we're onto something here. Oh my God this music is unbelievable!" As if they're seeing the Beatles for the first time.

And the chick bands are the worst. They're hot but they're biting there lips and dancing around the way they think rockers should. I bet the director was like, "CUT! OK I need you to do like a shoulder lean in and really get into it. Maybe have a slightly angry expression."

And the other thing I hate about movies like this AND TV shows that have bands are the extras they hire to dance. Every time I see it I look at the crowd and think, "Nobody dances like that."

Oh and they also tortured Elvis Costello's "Mystery Dance. " Sickening. Here's the terrible quality clip:

Do Moms Still Do This? Get That Kettle Going. Ants.

When I was a kid, there always seemed to be groups of ants around. Usually from someone dropping a popsicle or some other food. I remember being fascinated with them. Sometimes I would flick a stick into the group and to see if they'd come back to the food.

Then, my Mom would come out and see the ants and freak out, "Oh no! Get away from the ants! They'll get in the house."

She always claimed that "once you have ants you never get rid of them." But I think she was also afraid people would see ants in our house and think that we're "dirty people."

Then she'd going inside, start the "kettle" - as she called it - until water was boiling. Once I heard the kettle whistling I knew the end was near. She'd then come out and pour the scalding water onto the ants and in a June Cleaverish voice say, "OK. That should do it."

Do people still do this?

My Baby Girl Is 15. Life Is Going By FAST!

Oh my God my baby girl is 15 today!

*big ole' sigh*

That's her when she was little. (Sorry for the crappy quality. I took a picture of a picture.)

I remember when my kids were born. The one thing that people told me is that the time just flies by. And it's so true. So enjoy it. Life is short people.

And now she's a beautiful young lady. I'm finding that girls are harder to raise than boys. I think because I have a harder time getting on my daughter's case. With my son I'd be like, "What the hell were you thinking!" But I just can't bring myself to raising my voice with my daughter.

And the dating thing? Oh my God. It hasn't started yet but I'm dreading it. She's so beautiful and I'm just waiting for her to tell me that an 11th grader asked her on a date. Oh God. I can't even think about it.

YOU CAN WIN!! Chicktionary Contest Everyone! Anna Lefler.

In addition to hobnobbing with kings and being consulted by heads of state I also run in the circle of authors. Take for example my friend Anna Lefler (@AnnaLefler on Twitter).

Well let me tell you, she's pretty darn funny. She also has a blog: Life Just Gets Weirder. (Click on the link to view her blog).

So anyways, she just wrote this hysterical book called CHICKtionary. And she sent me a signed copy (with a note saying that I'm funny AND charming). I've been reading it and I give it a thumbs up. I laughed out loud at least five times before I got through the B's and I don't laugh out loud that often when reading a book. Do you want a copy? Well you're in luck.

RULES: To enter to win, leave a comment in this blog post OR retweet the link that I'll be putting up from my Twitter accounts @DrZibbs and @FatherKelly. I will pick one random person as the winner and will email or DM you if you've won and ask for your address. I You have until 11/13 to enter. Good Luck!

Now check out Anna's promo for the book:

Hysterical Post Halloween Video. Candy.

Dominica aka @MrsMushiMushi tweeted this to me. Hysterical. Especially the last kid.

Did Any of You Ever Do This While Gettin' It On? Hitchin' A Ride.

Did any of you ever have sex to the song "Hitchin' A Ride?" And you thrusted to the beat of the song? And the expression on your face was one one of excitement? Like wide eyed and mouth open? Like the expression of someone that just walked into a surprise party? But your face frozen in that expression the entire time?

And during it your mate played the recorder part that's in the song?

No? Uh...yeah me neither. I....I never did that. That's just dumb. Yeah. Never did that.

*looks at shoe and kicks imaginary rock then runs away*

West Chester Man Ignores Idiot at Victory Beer. Downingtown.

I've always enjoyed talking to interesting strangers. But bore asses? Forget it. And I'm pretty good at sizing people up before I make initial contact.

But in the days of old if some weirdo started talking to me I would be friendly and talk back. Not anymore. I've aged if you will. Like how I told people in the movie theater the other month to stop talking. So I was in Victory Beer* the other week and some dude sat next to me and this is what happened...like this was his actual opening statement...

Dude: So I was at the Post Office and they take your picture with the white background. My mom said I had to get the picture taken and then I'll send one to my girlfriend who lives in Guatamala.

(I just keep staring ahead).

Dude: (responding to TV) Man this country is messed up these days man. I don't know how they're gonna turn it around. Right?

(I look at him and just nod. I notice he's got this fucked up eye).

Then he babbles on about things. On and on. Probably said at least seen or eight more things. I don't say a word. In the past I would have talked to the dude because I'm so fucking polite but there's no way I'm going to spend an hour talking to this idiot. So finally...

Dude: (frustration in his voice) You know...You looked like an intelligent guy. I was just trying to have a conversation.

This is when I turned and I swear to God I said this...

Me: I'm sorry. I can't hear. (As if I was deaf).

OH YES I DID!! Case closed!

*And that beer pictured is the Victory Beer "Silver Back". It's a combo of Storm King Stout and Golden Monkey. Pretty darn tasty.

Carvel Commercials. Who Will Win? Your Voice Counts.

And speaking of Fudgie the Whale (see last post) are you guys familiar with Carvel and it's commercials? They were huge on the East Coast in the 70's and 80's. Here are the top three.


Which one do you like? And why?


Cookie Puss and Hug Me The Bear (listen for the slide whistle)




Fudgie The Whale (Have a Happy Day Dad)





Cookie O'Puss (high tech and space age as shit! And excellent use of the word "Puss" in a food product)

Paul F Tompkins Appears in Dream of West Chester Blogger. Carvel.

The other night I was listening to comedian Paul F Tompkins* on the Doug Benson podcast. Which lead to this weird ass dream:

*cue wavey dream lines*

(I walk into my parents house and Paul F Tompkins is in a wheelchair)

Me: Hey Paul what are you doing here?

Paul: Hey Jim. How are you? I'm just here for your family's pool party.

Me: Well why aren't you out at the pool?

Paul: I didn't want to ask anyone to help me outside. You know..with the wheelchair and all. It's OK though. I can hear them from here.

Me: Oh OK. Hey do you want to split the rest of this Fudgie the Whale cake with me?

Paul: Sure! And that's funny you bring up Fudgie the Whale because I was just reading an article recently about how Carvel almost went out of business.

Me: Really? Why?

Paul: I'm not sure. The article didn't say.

This is when I just kind of froze. Because I was thinking "You read an 'article' about them potentially going out of business and they didn't say why? Seems like you probably just read a blurb on Yahoo but you're trying to convince people that you read an entire article."

I found it kind of sad in a way.

Me: Hmmm. Well Paul, I'm on my way to Delaware to pick up some crawfish but have fun.

Paul: OK. Bye.

*And yes. As I mentioned before on this blog I know PFT in real life from when I did stand up back in "the day." (Note quotes around the words "the" and "day.")

I STARTED A BAND!! Here's A Video. CORKY!!!

I started a band!!! Here's a video. That's me there on the left.

Naaaaaaaa. Naaaaaa. Naaaaaaa. That's not me. I posted this video on my blog a few years ago and just wanted to share it with everyone again. What do you think?