Exton Teen Reports on Monster Quest

As punishment for writing "Holinsford's Mom Smell Like Ass" on the side of the under construction "Main Street Exton Barn", Ferder Shaw (Exton 12 year old) reports on the History Channel and Monster Quest .

IT'S TRUE:

- Chimps attack face and genitals. The reason? - to damage. HELL YAA!

- It's not uncommon for chimps to become attracted to humans. Nice. Except I ain't no chimp fag so hands off!

- The Russian military in WWII was working on impregnating humans with chimps. Their goal? to breed a chimp soldier to fight in the Russian army. If I was there, I'd be like, "Yo monkey, you want a banana? Them I'd lead him over to a banana and be like, 'you dumb ass!" and throw it into a lake or something.

- The big dummy Stalin didn't know that most apes have equal strength. Instead of getting chimpanzee semen (sperm), the Ruskies chose orangutan semen (sperm), unaware that the chimp is superior in intelligence (that's book smart to you and me).

- They showed some Bigfoot creature that was some Russian Bigfoot. - then they showed some hairy kid with a dog face. Looked just like the famous Mexican dog faced kid that I saw in some movie,

- Some Russian woman volunteered to be knocked up by an orangutan. They didn't show her face but I'm sure she was a dog or fat. She said she wanted to help science. She at least had to be fat.

- Some nerd science jerk said if they crossed human and ape, it might be a retard. That part kind of scared me because I never met a chimp in real life but my cousin lives next to a retard and they're strong as hell. It attacked my cousin one time and the only way my Uncle could get him off was with a hose (squirting him full force - with hot water) and then with a hammer (hammering). Plus, if the retarded chimp man came at me with chimp sounds and stuff? I'd probably be freaked out. Pretty creepy stuff.

- Some dude named Dr White put one monkey head on another monkey head. Guess what? It frickin' worked. Look it up. If I was him, I'd put a hot chick head on a monkey body or a monkey head on a hot woman body (and have a bag handy for the head).

OK. That's it Mr. Sherman.