I thought the opening day of school in the West Chester Area School District would be a good time to start TBY Confession Mondays. The theme of today's confession?:
Accidents in school. Here's mine:
In 1st grade, at Ithan Elementary School in Wayne, PA (Radnor Township School District). I wet my pants. As it happened, the kids around me stared with curiosity and pulled their desks away. The teacher was good with discreetly shuffling me off to the nurse.
The next day, nobody said anything except for this one jerk who was stopping older kids in the hall and saying, "He wet his pants. HEY. He wet his pants."
This made me laugh aloud. Please stop distracting me.
ReplyDeleteFalwless: I write my first serious post in weeks. And you think it's funny? Man your heart really is made of coal. Imagine my FEELINGS as this was happening. Sheesh!
ReplyDeleteMy turn? Oh, man. Alright--here goes.
ReplyDeleteIn--actually, I'm not telling you what grade, because it's too embarrassing. Anyways, at one point in my early academic career, it was almost time for recess, and I was feeling a little "off." And when I say "off," I mean "explosive diarrhea." In a serious act of poor planning on my part, I decided to half-heartedly join a game of tag, and in one fateful moment, one of my classmates pushed me into a flag pole, and after the little "ching" of my zipper hitting metal came the more alarming sound, nay, the deafening roar, of the entire contents of my body emptying into the seat of my pants.
Try living that one down. No really, I dare you.
I feel your pain Dr. Zibbs. Without going into details, let's just say that as a second grader, I treated myself to my own little golden shower. Luckily, it was after school and the only one around was the teacher, but still.
ReplyDeleteI ran at the swing set at top speed, intending to leap through the swing, as if it were a hurdle. I didn't catch enough air, my lagging foot hooked the swing seat, and I did a face plant. I chipped a tooth.
ReplyDeleteDon't let this convince you I'm not graceful.
I chipped my other tooth running up the street and doing a face plant on the asphalt.
I think these incidents happened within a year of each other.
But I'm graceful, really.
I pissed myself in public once, but as it wasn't in school I guess I don't have to share it.
ReplyDeleteHere's a good one. As a high school student, I had a cold, along with the accompanying bunged-up nose. In the lunch hall, I was chatting with my mates and had to cough. I suppressed it, and instead of coming out of my mouth, it came out of my nose, along with the entire contents of my sinuses. My face, from nostrils down, was covered with nasal mucus. I had no tissue, no handkerchief, and the entire room watched me run out to the toilets to get something with which to wipe off the gunk. That was a great day for all.
I'm still laughing at this. I'm sorry, man.
ReplyDeleteHow can you not laugh at the part where the other kids pulled their desks away? Sounds like something out of a movie!
ReplyDeleteI have to remember to check your blog at home, so many videos, can't watch videos at work=(
I "became a woman in a menstrual way" at track & field day when I was 12. I never wore terrycloth shorts again.
ReplyDeleteGod, I STILL remember the kids who peed their pants (or, you know- pooped) in elementary school. That shit (no pun intended) will follow you FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
Baring your soul to the internets feels good, doesn't it?
Bubble up.
Falwless was that kid, wasn't she?
ReplyDeleteMo: Very sad indeed.
ReplyDeleteKirby: there you go.
Enc: Sorry - doesn't count.
Falw: still heartless.
Lyla Lou: please come back indeed.
WM: That's even more horrifying than mine.
Chris: The Falw wasn't spawned from the depths of hell when I was in first grade.
Farted.
ReplyDeleteLoud.
Really loud.
Really, really loud while trying out for a part in Alice in Wonderland when I was in the 5th grade.
The teacher (Nun) laughed so hard, snot came out her nose.
Yes. I got the part.
Chris: The Falw wasn't spawned from the depths of hell when I was in first grade.
ReplyDeleteThat's right. It took Satan an extra long time to craft the likes of me.
You've all got me trying to suppress a laugh at work and I just might fart instead.
ReplyDeleteMine: In 2nd grade I brought Hershey's chocolate bars for my birthday treat. While walking from the back of the room to give the teacher one, I tripped on my own feet and was flayed out face down on the cold floor while the whole class broke out in hysterical laughter. I've never liked Hershey's chocolate since.
Tommy Bardelli, in second grade, shit his pants on the park slide. I'll never forget the sight of oozing poop sliding out the seams of his white nylon shorts. You know the ones that make a crinkle sound when you move? No one used that damn slide again for years cuz legend said the ghost of Tommy Bardelli's ca-ca was lurking there ready to smear all over your face. That was a lot of shit for a tiny kid let me tell you.
ReplyDeleteMemories.
last weekend i was drunk and pissed on the sidewalk. i'm a girl.
ReplyDeletedoes that count?
In 10th Grade I wore those button-down-the-side Puma stripper track pants in gym class. I had forgotten my shorts so just had my little thong on underneath.
ReplyDeleteWe were ready to run down the field and in starting position.
As I started running (FAST) my foot caught my pants and they ripped off with devestating quickness leaving me to sprint halfway across the field before realizing I was pants-less.
Want to talk about the real walk of shame? Heading back to grab said track pants at the starting line where all the other kids were pissing themselves laughing at my ass hanging out.
I peed my pants once in 1st grade too. It's that stupid rule about asking to go to the bathroom instead of just being allowed to run out the door when your bladder is about to burst. Oh, and you weren't allowed to interrupt anyone either. That's why, when I went up to my teacher's desk, dancing around, and she was talking to some other kids and ignoring me, I kept waiting and waiting until finally I just pissed right there by her desk. And you know what that bitch said? "Why didn't you just GO to the bathroom?" Asshole.
ReplyDeleteFirst day of 5th grade I decided I was a big girl and could play soccer at recess with the boys. Brian Quarton (the same kid who trapped a fart in his hand and put it up my nose in 4th grade)kicked the ball. I wasn't paying attention and it ball hit me square in the eye socket. I passed out and was rushed to the nurses office. I had to get glasses after that.
ReplyDeleteBrian is a pediatrician in my hometown now. One of my friends, a pharmaceutical rep, calls on his office. She loves the fart story and threatens to tell him that I still remember and told her.
Wow, what a big ol' sack of losers you people are! I've never done anything embarrassing in my entire life. Nope.
ReplyDeleteFalw - nothing? Nothing at ALL?
ReplyDeleteWhat about that embarrassment of a blog - FAIL
bwahahahahah...
(Please don't hurt me)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
ReplyDeleteHEHEHEHEHE
HUHHUH
hmmm.
NOT. FUNNY.
New to you courtesy of Fawless (should I admit that? I'm not quite sure, based on the comment convos here & there....)
ReplyDeleteAnyway, 1st grade art class. Picked up a boy & held him in the air for ____ minutes? seconds? I don't know. He picked me up. And dropped me. And cracked my head open on the corner of a table. Ick.
Sorry, it's all I got.
Bethh6703 - that was my high school girlfriend's name. Thanks for stopping by the party. As for Falwess, the she's a good gal - a bit of a BS'er but - you know.
ReplyDeleteAww shucks... I'm all blushy & shit!
ReplyDeleteNope, didn't have a thing to do with Fawless' delayed arrival to the GR revolution. Just found her this evening, and you thru her! Me thinks I'm staying - unless you crazy folks kick me out!
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sorry that I mis-spelled her name a shit-ton of times. Clearly I'm not all that observant, as I've had to scroll around to FIND IT and READ IT every time I try to type it. And I still get it wrong!
ReplyDeleteFALWLESS FALWLESS FALWLESS
No. You can stay. If you say nothing offensive within 5 days you're kicked out. And by kicked out, I mean we come to your home - real people you see - and get up in your grill and literally kick you out until you agree to come in and make us snacks.
ReplyDeleteShit - tough crowd you keep around here, huh?
ReplyDeleteSo, a blind guy, a retard, and a priest walk into a bar.....
Never mind. Y'all like brownies?
Beth, if you read through this blog you'll see that you've found home. (and there's a few "unwanteds" I'm trying to bully out but we'll get into that later). In the meantime, step into the lounge and enjoy a nice cold Bubble Up Cola.
ReplyDeletebethh6703: Anything special in those brownies?
ReplyDeleteOooh Beth's baking for us?! SHE CAN STAY! ;)
ReplyDeleteAnd I can barely spell my own name, so no worries.
ReplyDeleteI guess that's what she gets for being so Falwless
ReplyDeleteAnd I LOVE special brownies so if you are dishing those out, I'll take 2 - I'll be the one passed out in the corner giggling quietly (possibly slightly maniacally) in my sleep
I know I am late to the party, but what's with all the falwless lovin' going on. Did someone have a party and not invite me again?
ReplyDelete