So Michelle wrote about farting in elevators today and it reminded me of something that happened years ago in Baltimore.
So we're staying at Inner Harbor with about 10 guys for our annual guys weekend. And my friend Flare had been farting* really bad. I'm talking clear the room, what crawled up you ass and died farting.
So the 10 of us are waiting for the elevator. He had just farted in the room - again - and we're still laughing about it. So the elevator door opens and it's almost completely full. Flare steps in and there's only room for one. The doors start to close. As the doors are almost shut and I point to Flare and say to the people in the elevator, "HE FARTED."
This made me laugh so hard because when the doors are shut, you can't turn around to the strangers in the elevator and say, "You see that's a buddy of mine, we're on a guy's weekend and we're just joking around here and........"
No. You just have to stand there like a dope and take the humiliation.
*For the record, this is the first post I've ever done about farting and I've been blogging over two years.
I'm guessing you were kind of wishing that his farts were so toxic that someone (either you, or the random stranger) was actually killed to spare you the humilation. Right?
ReplyDeleteCatherinette - ME humiliated? It was Flare that was humiliated.
ReplyDeletesome things are timeless..
ReplyDeletefarts = funny!
I once farted so bad my dogs left the room. Word.
ReplyDeleteHe got his
ReplyDeleteI haven't farted since 5th grade.
ReplyDeleteI haven't farted since....oops, I farted!
ReplyDeleteDid he laugh so hard he let one rip in the smell-o-vator?
ReplyDeleteI've already copped to farting in elevators on my blog, and have two stories worse in my "100 for 100" post coming soon. (Hint: Think "on an up escalator")
But, you want to do it in the empty elevator, so that the un-holy ghost lingers in the chamber, so when the next person gets in, they are trapped and assailed by the mystery methane.
*giggle*
ReplyDeleteI don't fart. I decompress.
ReplyDeleteMan, the things I could do with a name like Flare.
ReplyDelete"Women don't fart, they toot" as my grandma used to say.
ReplyDeleteAbout 20 years ago, my next door neighbor had her fiance convinced she never farted, ever. She always had to make up some excuse to leave the room whenever she wanted to let one rip.
ReplyDeleteI wonder how long they were married before he figured out she was lying about that?
She probably "Dutch Oven"ed him of the honeymoon.
ReplyDeleteI have never heard of the un-holy ghost. I'll have to use that. Not that I fart; I'm kind of like LegalMist's neighbor.
ReplyDeleteWho doesn't love a good fart story?
ReplyDeleteMy brother-in-law left a silent but deadly next to my sister in the supermarket, and walked away. Anyone else left in the aisle thought she had done it. Nice.
farting - such a sweet release.
ReplyDeletei think you should write about faring more often.
Come on guys, farting is serious business.
ReplyDeleteI always admit when I fart, simply because I would hate people to think I always smelled like that!
AV
http://netherregionoftheearthii.blogspot.com/
http://tomusarcanum.blogspot.com/
http://thingsthatfizz.blogspot.com/
Elevators can be scary places according to Blog World, huh? What with everyone farting in them and Tova jumping up and down in one and breaking it! I'm thinking I'll take the stairs from now on.
ReplyDeleteYep. Farting is even more serious when your office floor shares a common toilet where you one day witness hearing two people on their individual pots seemingly farting in turns. Twice each.
ReplyDeleteFart Attack I tell ya. Dunno how to look 'em in the eye again.
Whenever there's a topic about sex the commenters come out of the woodwork. Now the subject of farts? It really tells a lot about you people.
ReplyDelete"Tells" or "confirms"?
ReplyDeleteI just laughed so hard I farted.
ReplyDeleteI think bodily functions are the basis for any and all great humor - but I'm just immature like that.
ReplyDeleteNext fart blog you may want to consider covering the Dutch Oven.
Call me immature, but I still love a good fart joke. Or a good fart "punk", like you did with Flare!! hahahaa!!
ReplyDeleteMy hubby likes to fart in grocery stores and then blame it on me - loudly - so others in the aisle think I tooted.
Yeah, I love him.
Two years without a post about farts!? How did you hold it in for so long?
ReplyDeleteI hope it's not the last. This one cracked me up.
DUDE!!! I inspired your farting post!!!! WOOHOO!!!! This is inspirational. This is brilliant!!!
ReplyDeleteI have to come clean with you!!! I fart ALL THE TIME!!! Well, i burp more but i fart a lot!!! I find it quite enjoyable!! Farting that is!!! And come on you do too!!!
Thank you!!!
Love
Stalker
Why can't you turn around to strangers in an elevator and explain? I mean, okay, he can't turn around because it's crowded but he could certainly have explained that you are on a day pass from the asylum and have no idea what you are even saying because of the meds.
ReplyDeleteIt's what I would have done.
What the fuck stinks in here?
ReplyDeleteWe have farting contests. I never win, the guys out-stink me bigtime.
ReplyDeleteNow burping is a whole nother story. I can burp like a sailor.
peace
#2
Oh my god - that story is hilarious. I can just imagine the silence in the elevator once the doors shut tight! And by the way, farting = excellent blogging content. Really.
ReplyDeleteHey everyone. It's me, Dr Zibbs.
ReplyDeleteWhat the hell's going on in here? Jeez.
I can't burp - maybe if I have something REALLY fizzy I might burp a little but on command? No way. I've tried, trust me!
ReplyDeleteThis story made me giggle
I don't see why you should even apologize over blogging about farts, and in fact you should both fart and blog about farting more often.
ReplyDeleteThe story is awesome, just the kind of shit I'd do to my friends, however, you would be cut off if you were my friend. that's not true, I can take a joke.