"You're going to help me pick up girls Dr Zibbs?"
Yes I am friend. But I'm not going to tell you how to do it The Pick-up Artist Style. Sorry Mystery. I'm gonna tell you Zibbs style.
Step 1: First of all, you need to be a bit familiar with the song Sexual Healing by Marvin Gaye.
Step 2: You need to get two men to play separate characters. Try your local community theater. You'll find many no talents that will jump at the chance of an acting job.
Step 3: Find an attractive lady in a bar. If she's very dumb it will be a snap. If she's not a dummy, you may have to work a bit harder. I didn't say this would be easy did I?
Step 4: While hiding out of sight - maybe behind a potted plant, have actors one and two approach the lady - one actor on either side.
Actor #1: (dressed as weird professor he leans into the lady's face and whispers really loudly) Get up, get up, get up......
Actor #2: (dressed as a longshoreman or lumberjack he leans into the lady's face from the other side and breaths into her ear as creepily as possible) Wake up, Wake up, Wake up........
At this point, you come barreling out from the shadows.
You: Stop! (use the International "stop" motion of holding palm outward) I want you two jerks out of here! PRONTO!
(The actors flee. You coolly sit down next to her - make sure you've showered and you're well groomed).
Bartender: What do you want to drink Mac?
You: I'll take a scotch on the rocks. And for the lady, she'll have some (pause, look at her and cock head).... sexual healing - FROM ME - not from you.
Good luck! And to hear the Sexual Healing song and really get it into your blood, click here.
So that's my Friday send off song. And the shout out this week goes to new readers Belle from Fawty.com, Vic from the blog What Were You Thinking? and Cameron from Get The Stink Off.
Check out their blogs and tell them who sent you. Me. That's who.
If I had a dollar for every time that routine's worked with me.....
ReplyDeleteexcept, I don't know, Paul Bunyon's pretty hot (and BIG, did I say big?) - I might just get distracted by the lumberjack.
Thanks for the shout out, Dr. Z! (Consider yourself adored.)
Vic - and I - you. Adore that is.
ReplyDeleteIs it moist in here or is it just me...
ReplyDeleteZibbs - have you thought about running for president...plenty of Pennsylvanians aspire to great things. The odds are stacked in your favor.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to go try this pickup technique on my wife(s sister) right now. Wish me luck...and thanks for the shout out.
"Make sure you're showered and you're well-groomed."
ReplyDeleteDoc, you're a master of details.
If I read this correctly, the key thing to have when you swoop in to save her is the "cock head".
ReplyDeleteIf only someone had tried that on me...I would have totally caved!
ReplyDeleteYou should write a book
ReplyDeleteThanks for the tip Doc. So far me singing "You've lost that lovin feeling" isn't cutting it!
ReplyDeleteYep, that works on me. Every time.
ReplyDeleteZibbs, you are such a weirdo. kiss, kiss.
ReplyDeleteCan you help me pick up men too, Dr Zibbs?
ReplyDeletePlease?
I'd cold-cock anyone who tried that on me...I hate that song! lol!
ReplyDeleteThought this through, did you?
ReplyDeleteMy wv is biles. Interesting.
Ok this totally made me giggle!!!
ReplyDeleteI love your sense of humor today!!!
Love
Stlaker
stop it! you're ruining one of my best pick ups!
ReplyDeletePlease do a post about what girls should do to pick up men. I don't know that pretending to be Marvin Gaye will work.
ReplyDeleteMichelle - just today?
ReplyDeleteSlyde - I almost fell off my chair with that comment.
Always a Bridsmaid - I just may do that.
"Sexual HEELing?"
ReplyDeleteReally?
HEELing?
Is this some sort of secret foot fetish thing you have that I didn't know about?
Gwen, I mean "Healing". Damn it!!
ReplyDeleteI can't tell you how many times that particular bit has worked on me. I never even knew I was being played...
ReplyDelete