Tuesday, February 3, 2009

It Rubs The Lotion On Its Skin. An Exclusive Glimpse Into My Bedroom.



I like to show my lady that I still think she's sexy by giving her as little privacy as possible when she's nude. You know, so I can leer at it and make comments about how sexy it is and the things I want to do to it. Like when she's in the shower for instance, I'll sometimes open the curtain quickly and say, "A-HA!" or "What's going on in here?"

Or this morning.

Wife comes in bedroom after shower, puts on panties then starts putting lotion all over her supple, Italian body. I wait in the semi darkness with one eye creepily peering out from under the covers.

Me: (In deep voice) And then the lotion show began.

Wife: What? You want me to have soft skin don't you?

Me: Do you need some help applying the lotion on the upper areas. Right there. On those things.

Wife: Will you stop?

Me: Stop (pause)...or go?

Smooth operator.
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30 comments:

  1. Some GuyFebruary 3, 2009 at 10:59:00 AM EST

    She is one lucky lady.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousFebruary 3, 2009 at 11:02:00 AM EST

    I love the word Supple.

    #1

    ReplyDelete
  3. SkylersDadFebruary 3, 2009 at 11:06:00 AM EST

    Put on a little Barry White next time, repeat as needed.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Moooooog35February 3, 2009 at 11:35:00 AM EST

    I know. She loves that shit.

    I mean...um...

    Good idea.

    ReplyDelete
  5. buffalodickFebruary 3, 2009 at 11:35:00 AM EST

    At my age, a trowel is a handy thing to have....

    ReplyDelete
  6. LisaFebruary 3, 2009 at 11:40:00 AM EST

    Lucky woman. And so nice of you to want to help her out!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Dr ZibbsFebruary 3, 2009 at 11:52:00 AM EST

    Lisa - I know. I'm a giver.

    ReplyDelete
  8. AnonymousFebruary 3, 2009 at 12:15:00 PM EST

    Oh yeah, you are smooooooooooth....

    ReplyDelete
  9. CameronFebruary 3, 2009 at 12:46:00 PM EST

    I can only imagine that she immediately gave herself to you. At least she should have. In reality, she probably told you to knock it off.

    ReplyDelete
  10. JillFebruary 3, 2009 at 12:48:00 PM EST

    Lewis!! Is that you??? Do you have another wife, you bigamist blanket peeper!?

    ReplyDelete
  11. Shieldmaiden96February 3, 2009 at 12:58:00 PM EST

    I guess that's nicer than saying "Look! Daddy's naked!" And pulling back the shower curtain so the cat can leer at Himself's dangly bits.

    Not that I do that.
    Pull back the curtain OR call my husband 'Daddy' when I'm talking to the cat.

    (going away now)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Sarah's Blogtastic AdventuresFebruary 3, 2009 at 1:00:00 PM EST

    Wow You should teach a class. Or something.

    ReplyDelete
  13. CoraFebruary 3, 2009 at 1:23:00 PM EST

    Oh to be Mrs Z....

    ReplyDelete
  14. SouthernBelleFebruary 3, 2009 at 1:35:00 PM EST

    It's one of the best things about marriage, that one's beloved has to forgive one for doing things like that.

    ReplyDelete
  15. WhiskeymarieFebruary 3, 2009 at 1:43:00 PM EST

    Instead of sex, I bet you call it "making love"- right?

    Now I'm picturing you with a moustache and a gold medallion around your neck, for some reason.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Dr ZibbsFebruary 3, 2009 at 1:52:00 PM EST

    Whiskey M - I call it many things, "Gettin' it on", Vodie-o-doe-doe" - you know - all the normal things.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Jennifer and SandiFebruary 3, 2009 at 2:00:00 PM EST

    At least you don't sneak in the bathroom and turn the shower lever to cold while she's in there.

    My boyfriend does it all the time to me and runs out laughing like a school girl.

    HAPPY TUESDAY!
    - Jennifer

    ReplyDelete
  18. GwenFebruary 3, 2009 at 2:05:00 PM EST

    What fraternity did you say you were pledging?

    ReplyDelete
  19. Son of a ThomasFebruary 3, 2009 at 2:19:00 PM EST

    Me: (In deep voice) And then the lotion show began.

    Wife: What? You want me to have soft skin don't you?

    Me: Do you need some help applying the lotion on the upper areas. Right there. On those things.

    Wife: Will you stop?

    Me: Stop (pause)...or go?

    Wife begins to dance like people in video below.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Andy - Instafather February 3, 2009 at 2:24:00 PM EST

    This post could have easily been titled, "Famous last words of a serial molester"

    ReplyDelete
  21. SlydeFebruary 3, 2009 at 2:29:00 PM EST

    thats great! i do the same shit to my wife.. she hates me for it.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Dr ZibbsFebruary 3, 2009 at 2:51:00 PM EST

    Bwahahaha - SON of THOMAS is back with his hysterical comments. That had me laughing out loud!

    EVERYONE GO CHECK OUT HIS BLOG!

    ReplyDelete
  23. dizzy momFebruary 3, 2009 at 3:39:00 PM EST

    Did you really refer to her breasts as "those things"? Lol!

    I don't think any man can watch a woman put on lotion without offering to "help". We must look so helpless...or Sexy HOT!

    ReplyDelete
  24. Dr ZibbsFebruary 3, 2009 at 3:54:00 PM EST

    Dizzy Mom - I have all different names for "those things"

    As for offering to help put on the lotion, you are correct. It like when women are doing the dishes. There's that need to sneak up from behind.

    We can't resist.

    ReplyDelete
  25. dianeFebruary 3, 2009 at 6:28:00 PM EST

    Sounds like a fun relationship to me. That's cool.

    ReplyDelete
  26. J.J. in L.A.February 3, 2009 at 7:51:00 PM EST

    Too lazy to soap her down, were ya?

    I'm just sayin'... ; )

    ReplyDelete
  27. MichelleFebruary 3, 2009 at 7:54:00 PM EST

    If i was your woman i would say GO GO GO!!!!

    Love
    Stalker

    ReplyDelete
  28. rachaelgkingFebruary 3, 2009 at 8:42:00 PM EST

    I love that you tagged this "naked" AND "nude", just in case we didn't get it.

    ReplyDelete
  29. BelleFebruary 4, 2009 at 6:25:00 AM EST

    Clearly you are a pervert.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Miss AlexFebruary 9, 2009 at 8:10:00 PM EST

    Your piggish qualities are endearing.... I'm woooowed

    ReplyDelete