Look at this book. It's called "Anybody Can Be Cool ....But Awesome Takes Practice". It's a book that teaches teens to be "cool" through the teachings of Jesus.
Huh?
We all know that being cool has nothing to do with the Lord Jesus Christ your personal savior. The only cool gods I've ever seen are me and that elephant with the multiple limbs. What's his name? He's Hindu or something? You know the one I'm talking about.
A reader sent me this link to the book and I had to post it*. Look at that cover. I bet the blond haired dude is saying something about being yourself and using a crazy bible story as an example. Sure looks like he's got the attention of his listeners.
When I was in third grade I got roped into going to a "meeting" by some chick in my class. It turns out that it was some freaky Christian cult. They had us doing fun stuff for a while then started talking about religion. And they were trying to make religion cool. Trying. Very hard. I was in third grade and still knew it was bullshit and was looking for a way to escape. I still ask my parents what they were thinking when they let me go to that thing.
They claim they don't remember. Surrrrrre.
*and you have to click on the link and see what some of the reviewers on Amazon wrote about this book. Classic.
Amazon are doing a combo deal with the author's other booke 'If the Devil Made You Do it, You Blew It! (But It Doesn't Have to Happen Again)'. It's all about how to recognize and overcome temptation.
ReplyDeleteI SO blew it.
Bahaha. I love that title!
ReplyDeleteI work at a university and there are posters everywhere with pictures of Jesus as a cool cartoon with the caption, "Jesus Much?"
uh...yeah...still not cool.
So which of those comments on Amazon were yours?
ReplyDeleteWe know you bought the book.
The blonde guy on the cover- Is that a young John Tesh?
ReplyDeleteDoc
*hiding my copy behind my back*
ReplyDeleteYeah, that book is really lame. I mean, really. Duh. I mean seriously. Who owns those things?
*checking page 42 to see what to say next*
Those Amazon reviews have to be jokes right?
ReplyDeleteps - did you write the one about being awesome now and having your own blog? Kinda smacks of Zibbiness!
Lol. I keep my copy on the nightstand next to my copy of the kama sutra. Another book that made me awesome.
ReplyDeleteRemember, Jesus saves but Martin Brodeur holds the record.
ReplyDeleteMay your soul be saved.
ReplyDeleteThe elephant's name is Ganesh and he is, indeed, Hindu. He can either remove obstacles from your path or put obstacles in your path.
ReplyDeleteBe nice to the Ganesh or he'll keep you from transcending and you'll come back as a fruit fly.
Doc - great call. He also looks like that Vanderbleek kid or whatever his name is from Dawson's Creek.
ReplyDeleteIt's the huge Frankenstein like forehead and extended chin.
"The only cool gods I've ever seen are me and that elephant with the multiple limbs"
ReplyDeleteThor? He has a gurt mallet! That's sort of cool.
And remember, Jesus saves, but rationality scores on the rebound.
Oh my gosh. You know that Jesus still loves you, Dr Zibbs, even when you mock him.
ReplyDeleteI trim my own bangs. And I have the quite confidence of a man who wears cargo pants.
ReplyDeleteThis has to be you.
peace
#2
Yeah, Christians can be annoying when they try to cool it up.
ReplyDeleteWhy can't they do it? It's weird.
Also, why is Christian music invariably terrible?
The blonde looks like a gay porn star. I mean, that hair! Come on!
ReplyDeleteIt's the only religon that tries to recruit- think about it...The other major religons don't care if you join or not..
ReplyDeleteThe Egyptian gods had the best jewelry, they were like "fashion" gods or something.
ReplyDeleteIs it mean to think that the kids on the cover all look like they shop at goodwill?
I totally thought I left a comment here but I guess I didn't in which case I will just leave it again...
ReplyDeleteI will get my picture sometime between now and later probably at night in total secrecy. Fair Warning.
Once, an Indian dude explained to me that Ganesha (the multi-limbed elephant god of whom you speak) was his "version of Jesus."
ReplyDeleteSo, there you go. Jesus is cool.
And, I think Vishnu is way cooler than Ganesha.
I think that the blond guy on the cover grew up to become Johnny the Wad.
ReplyDeleteWhat bul-oney.
You americans will believe anything!
Best. Review. Ever: "For years, I struggled with meager coolness until I read this book. Now with my new-found knowledge and my "I am awesome" shirt, all the ladies want to get with me. It may look like they're just laughing and pointing, but I know that they truly find me irresistible." Hee hee hee. :-)
ReplyDeleteThe coolest Jesus is the one played by Turturro in The Big Lebowski.
ReplyDelete"Don't mess with de Jesus."
Lorraine Peterson: Jesus loves you ... everyone else thinks you're an a-hole
ReplyDeletereligion and wanting to be the most popular kid in school???
ReplyDeletewtf???
God bless!
ReplyDeleteDammit, Doc beat me to the Tesh joke.
ReplyDeleteI read your tale of the religious club with interest. That condescending "Look, it's cool!" vibe is why I HATED Schoolhouse Rock and the Electric Company as a kid. Even at six years old I didn't like being patronized.
Chris Farley could totally have played that blond guy on the cover.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I do not need a book to tell me how to be cool!! It comes naturally for me.
ReplyDeleteAs far as Jesus. Well, he may be a nice guy give him a chance!!!
WWW - I agree with the School House Rock nonsense.
ReplyDeleteWWW - I agree with the School House Rock nonsense.
ReplyDelete