So Internet searcher - did you find this blog post because you had a bet with a friend that you were talking to a robot in the 80's at the Downingtown Farmers Market?
Well I've got some bad new for you. Calm down and have a seat.
..Let me explain this to my regular blog readers first. You see blog readers - years ago as I mentioned I worked at an audio store at the Downingtown Farmers Market. And we had a cheap version of a Mr Microphone.
Knowing the crap we were selling, it was probably called "Mizz Mikey" or "Mr Mike Talk" - because we sold mostly bootleg junk.
So we used to get really bored. And the owner didn't care if we drank beer while we worked so we were constantly screwing with people for the hell of it and to amuse ourselves. So we would take turns hiding behind the counter with the Mr Microphone bootleg device and screw with all of the hillbillies:
Me: (talking in robot voice) Attention Downingtown Farmers Market shoppers. My name is the Zarcon 5000 and I am a very advanced robot computer from Japan.
(hillbillies crowd into the store in amazement)
Hillbilly: OH MY GOD. What's going on?
Me: I see you. I'm a robot. By the way, I like that red, white and blue wolf t-shirt you are wearing.
Hillbilly: (looks down at his shirt) Oh my God! How can you see me?
Me: (remember -I'm still talking in robot voice) Look up at the large mirror. That is my electronical eye. I see all. Welcome to the Downingtown Farmers Market. And who is the snapping youngster next to you that is eating a funnel cake?
Hillbilly Kid: HE'S TALKING TO ME NOW!!!!
We would do this all night. Sometimes we would ask people to give us a math problem and we'd have a calculator behind the counter and tell them the answer. As if they really knew what 1034 times 345 was. But we'd tell them anyway.
One time I felt kind of bad because I was telling this 10 year old kid to stand on one foot, tap dance and imitate a chicken. Then his dad came up and grabbed him by the arm, "What the hell are you doing making an ass out of yourself?"
"No dad -it's a talking robot. It's the Zarcon 5000!"
The dad just looked at him and pulled him out of the store.
God I wish I had recorded those sessions.
So I guess what I'm trying to say to the hillbillies that fell for this and they went online to prove to their friends that they talked to an early robot in Downingtown ?....I'm afraid you just lost yourself a bet. Now hand over the jar of jam or the pocket knife or whatever it was that you lost in the bet. And from now on.....use your head. Don't believe everything you see.
Damn, and all I did was work in a luggage store part time in college. I didn't realize all the fun I was missing.
ReplyDeleteI don't believe you, Zibbs. Zarcon told me he loved me. He wouldn't lie.
ReplyDeleteI woud pay $15 whole dollars to be able to see you do that! Effing Hillbillyarious!
ReplyDeleteWV - sprob. That should be my robot name!
Isn't messing with people simply the best?
ReplyDeletehillbilliarious - love that.
The gypsy lady in the other stall warned us about Zarcon, "he is poser!" she said.
ReplyDeleteOH MY GOD, was that kid wearing a cheap imitation of a Member's Only jacket? And did they have a cheap imitation of a Sports Walkman, with Phil Collins' "No Jacket Required" in it?
ReplyDeleteTHAT. KID. WAS. ME. And it was my uncle George doing the pulling. He had an "Ass, Gas, or Grass: Nobody Rides for Free" belt buckle, too.
I have a vivid memory of this. Please don't explain to me how this is not possible, because this is now my most cherished memory.
Aw shucks! My inner hillbilly is very disappointed at this news.
ReplyDeleteYou, my friend, are simply spazztastic. I love you more and more and more with every passing day.
ReplyDeleteAlso, that dad guy at the end is an asshat. Kids are SUPPOSED to carefree and makes asses of themselves. There is plenty of time in life to be grown up and boring. Lighten up, dillhole.
Just imagine if James Cameron had access to your cutting edge robot technology back when he was filming the first Terminator.
ReplyDeleteYou could sell the premise as a hidden camera show - Screwing with Hillbillies. I've got more than a few ideas that could work for that too.
ReplyDeleteEric - I can only imagine.
ReplyDeleteSornie -I may need your help with this. I do have tons more stories of the Downingtown Farmers Market that I'll be posting.
Mindf*cking .....LOL
ReplyDeleteYou rock!
ReplyDeleteFancy - you're right.
ReplyDeleteMy aunt lives in Downingtown. This explains so much.
ReplyDeletehaha @ red, white and blue wolf t-shirt ... I love to see people in those! It makes my day!
ReplyDeleteAnd if it's one of the fleecy jackets ... oh boy! Good times!
No, I came here from a link I accessed when you left a comment a while ago on my blog. But, I'll change my clothes, my speech patterns & my whole life & pretend to be a hillbilly that happened upon this wanting to speak to an early robot. I'm flexible like that. You're welcome. ~Mary
ReplyDeleteThank God I don't believe everything I see.. or read.
ReplyDeleteI was going to leave a long comment about how hysterical (thus sexy) you are but then I got distracted by buffalodick's nick.
ReplyDeletefunny story. not much to do out there in God's country, I guess, huh?
ReplyDeletePhat Mama - don't be hasty. I'm listening.
ReplyDeleteMike - God's country? Do you think I live in the sticks?
Hey you never knew in the 80's. I would have believed a talking robot was mocking me!
ReplyDeleteOf course in the early 80s I was like 2 years old but still!