Friday, July 31, 2009

Invention Idea For My Sexy, Sweaty Under Garments. Heat Wave.




This heat sucks.

And for some reason, my sexy black underwear seems to ride up my ass worse than the tighty whities.

And I've tried to wear boxers but they don't offer the "support"...if you know what I mean.

So what's a brother to do? I don't want to be picking my ass when I'm walking down the street so I have to do a series of half kicks and turns. It's very discreet. I'm sure nobody knows what I'm doing. They're probably like, "Hey, that dude just kicked something really small then he was going to go back to his car because he forgot something but then he probably remembered he didn't forget it".

So my invention is underwear with tiny strings attached to the crack area. The strings are then looped through your pockets and then attached to small metal buttons. When your underwear rides up your ass, you simply reach into your pocket and pull on the "coins" that will pull the fabric out of your ass.

I know. It's brilliant. Now I'll need someone to draw up a licensing contract and someone else to find me a local seamstress so I can get a prototype done.

And I need some name suggestions.
at

24 comments:

  1. LostinspaceJuly 31, 2009 at 4:00:00 PM EDT

    I feel your pain, brother. This handy product may help until then.
    http://www.antimonkeybutt.com/

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dr ZibbsJuly 31, 2009 at 4:15:00 PM EDT

    LostInSpace - are you saying that my ass sweats like a monkey?

    (flips hair around)

    WHY I NEVER!...

    (stomps away like an angry Mrs Howell)

    ReplyDelete
  3. HiggimonsterJuly 31, 2009 at 5:40:00 PM EDT

    SFG for sure. (Staright Fuckin Genioug)

    ReplyDelete
  4. dianeJuly 31, 2009 at 6:06:00 PM EDT

    You have too much time on your hands. Better buy some underwear that fits.

    ReplyDelete
  5. IrenelikewhoaJuly 31, 2009 at 6:23:00 PM EDT

    Is it wrong of me that i pictured an nice firm ass and a wedgie being picked via strings coming out of the ass? Yet, who knows if ur ass is indeed firm! not meee!

    ReplyDelete
  6. The Peach TartJuly 31, 2009 at 6:26:00 PM EDT

    Asscracknomore - genius

    ReplyDelete
  7. SkylersDadJuly 31, 2009 at 6:32:00 PM EDT

    "Man-Thongs-be-gone"

    I will expect my royalty check in the mail shortly...

    ReplyDelete
  8. Dr ZibbsJuly 31, 2009 at 6:53:00 PM EDT

    It IS SFG isn't it?

    ReplyDelete
  9. Bloggin' Bama GirlJuly 31, 2009 at 7:18:00 PM EDT

    This is why I wear a g-string. it's either a 5" of silk/cotton up your ass or a mere 1/4" piece up your ass. After a while you don't notice a 1/4" piece of cotton, and if you wiggle just right... well, never mine...

    ReplyDelete
  10. ValerieJuly 31, 2009 at 8:05:00 PM EDT

    I agree with Bama Girl.

    and what about boxer-briefs?

    ReplyDelete
  11. J.J. in L.A.July 31, 2009 at 8:24:00 PM EDT

    Why not go commando when it's that hot? Better to be hangin' loose than wedgie and sweaty.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Some GuyJuly 31, 2009 at 8:46:00 PM EDT

    I'd call it "The Mailman", because when there's a letter in your mailbox, who gets it out of there? The Mailman, that's who!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Dr ZibbsJuly 31, 2009 at 9:07:00 PM EDT

    JJ - I have no problem going commando but you can't with suit pants. It's too obvious.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Soda and CandyJuly 31, 2009 at 9:20:00 PM EDT

    Yeah, you need a thong!

    But if you must have cheek coverage, I think your coin system is rather ingenious.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Dr ZibbsJuly 31, 2009 at 9:23:00 PM EDT

    Soda and Candy - I may need to just try a thong on to see what it feels like.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Son of a ThomasJuly 31, 2009 at 10:34:00 PM EDT

    First: No thong. Ever. If you're a guy.

    Second: The Michael Jordan boxer/briefs ain't working for you. I know they hold all my stuff, ain't that right honey? Honey? Honey?

    Third: Try some talc, cause remember....It ain't the heat....It's the humidity.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Dr ZibbsJuly 31, 2009 at 10:46:00 PM EDT

    Son of A - yeah I ain't wearin' no damn thong. Just trying to make some time.

    You know what I'm sayin'

    ReplyDelete
  18. rachaelgkingAugust 1, 2009 at 6:41:00 AM EDT

    Yeah... I definitely think we need a visual for this one...

    ReplyDelete
  19. Dr ZibbsAugust 1, 2009 at 10:37:00 AM EDT

    Lilu - I will sketch up some visuals next time I'm watching some tube or driving in boring traffic.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Prunella JonesAugust 1, 2009 at 12:01:00 PM EDT

    Why not design a bra for your balls? Something that lifts and separates.

    ReplyDelete
  21. sybil lawAugust 1, 2009 at 1:20:00 PM EDT

    The Shifter
    Shifty
    The Adjuster

    I am so original. But all those names sound manly to me. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  22. Dr ZibbsAugust 1, 2009 at 1:26:00 PM EDT

    Oooh Sybil, what about "Shiftless"?

    ReplyDelete
  23. Dr ZibbsAugust 1, 2009 at 1:27:00 PM EDT

    ..or Shifty McGee?

    ReplyDelete
  24. sybil lawAugust 4, 2009 at 11:23:00 PM EDT

    Shifty McGee, definitely.

    ReplyDelete