OK. I know many of you have printed out pictures of That Blue Yak, hand drawn in features that you think look like me, then have made mini shrines in your homes for worship purposes.
But I've got a confession. I'm NOT perfect. Calm down, calm down. It's true.
Here's a story of something I did in high school that I'm not proud of. Many of you might think I'm a jerk because of some of the things I write, but to tell you the truth, if someone is getting picked on I'm usually the first to step in and tell them to knock it off. Of course if they're not in hearing distance, how can making fun of them hurt them? It can't. Right? I guess that's just my policy.
But like I said above, here's a case of something that I still do feel bad about. I'll write it the way that I told it to a few friends the day after it happened in 11th grade:
"'You're not going to believe what we did to Thompson last night. You know how he's scared to shit and gets spooked by any mention of horror movies or devil shit when we're wasted? "
"Well, we scared the shit out of him last night. I made this box and filled it with all this weird crap like hand written quotes from the bible about the devil - but I made them look like they were written by a serial killer. Then I put all these dried flowers in and other crap. And there was this weird devil thing I found and I made it into a necklace."
"So we're out with him, Flare and Kindle and we're wasted. So I pull over and say, 'I've got to show you something that's changed my life.' (And I've always been able to do a great possessed imitation)"
"So I say I was in the woods and I found it. And he opens it up and is like, 'What the fuck is this shit?'. He's totally buying it and he's starting to freak out a bit, 'What the fuck is this shit?'"
"So I pull out the necklace and that I have in my pocket and say, 'And there's also THIS! This discovery has changed my life. You've got to be a part of this."'
"So the two other guys in the car are in on the 'joke.' The one falls out of the car and pretends he's throwing up. The other dude - who speaks Hungarian starts talking in Hungarian.
"So Thompson is like, "GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!"'
"We drive him home and as we pull up he jumps out of the car and runs to his house. "
That was about it. I'm not proud of if but I was just thinking about it lately.
So is anyone going to take down their shrines?
(And for the record, he was starting to become a dick)
And I will add this. Even though I've always loved scarying the crap out of people, I blame my oldest sister because she used to always scare me.
ReplyDeleteSo she's the one we should all hate.
Yup. Her.
I was expecting something much more horrifying. You let me down, Zibbs.
ReplyDeleteOh yeah. And I've killed.
ReplyDelete...well not really but there is another high school thing I did that was pretty bad that I'll post about.
ReplyDeleteI thought it was hilarious! What ever happened to thompson? I bet he's a big time loser!
ReplyDeleteHeavens... this is not too bad!!! I think the kid got off easy. I grew up in the middle of the woods. Not much spooks me.
ReplyDeleteSomeone actually peed their pants from fright when they were trying to tp our house. It was just really creepy out their in the middle of BF!!
MR C - he left regular school and went to a private school but never got a real job. NOT because of this incident though.
ReplyDeleteHit 40 - Yeah I guess it wasn't that bad but I felt bad after I did it.
As for scaring people, I've got lots of good stories about that. Love scaring people.
Dude, I hate your sister. I'll bet she caused you countless hours of psychiatric assistance.
ReplyDeleteFor some reason I now picture you as Hannibal Lecter....and I blame YOUR SISTER!!!
You're forgiven, I'd rather worship an evil person instead of a person you pity ...right ?
ReplyDelete..
PS Loved that joke btw ....the Hungarian cracked me up !
Can he also talk backwards in Hungarian ...?? I'd like to have his phone or email then ....:-)
Freaking people out is the best! What you did was pretty tame, still love you though. xo
ReplyDeleteword ver. ingsolst hungarian? for I want to eat your soul
Isn't it funny what we feel badly about? I'll bet Thompson thinks it's funny, now. But, yeah, you're still a dick. xoxo
ReplyDeleteThat's the worst thing you've ever done to somebody?
ReplyDeleteBe proud of yourself, becasue you're going to heaven.
Cameron, you're right. She used to tell me this story about how this guy went to get in bed one night and there was a maniac underneath that reached out and grabbed his ankles.
ReplyDeleteFor years I would run and jump into my bed.
HAHAHA that's great!
ReplyDeleteMessing with people like that makes life worth living.
ReplyDeleteSornie, I know. I'm just priming people up in case I decide to tell the really bad stuff I've done.
ReplyDeleteAnd by the way, the name of the necklace was "Deluminous" and I still have it. It's in my attic somewhere.
ReplyDelete...along with the bodies...
ReplyDelete..I mean Winter clothes.
"I've never loved you MORE..."
ReplyDeleteOh man!
ReplyDeleteI used to buy acid from a freaky guy named Thompson who lived in a dumpster behind the Circle K. Everyone called him "Twitchy" because he...well, twitched a lot. I also remember him screaming the word, "zibbs" as he slapped at the imaginary bugs and devils on his head. I just assumed he was a drug casualty, but it all makes sense now. You bastard!!!
My brother does IT work for NBC Universal in LA. He and his coworker are constantly pulling gags on each other. One day, my brother goes into the bathroom and notices his coworker is planted in a stall, taking a dump (my brother recognizes his shoes). So, my brother goes into the next stall, reaches under the stall divider and grabs the guy’s ankles, shakes them violently, and screams 'LA LA LA LA' while he does this. The guy freaks out, of course. My brother runs out of the bathroom and around the corner – where he bumps into the SAME COWORKER THAT HE THOUGHT WAS IN THE BATHROOM STALL. This guy asks my brother ‘whaddaya want to eat for lunch?’ to which my brother replies ‘We gotta leave – NOW’. My brother never found out who’s ankles he molested in that bathroom stall, and he went home that night, took off his wedding ring, and clipped his fingernails in a lame-assed attempt at covering his tracks.
ReplyDeleteMy dad used to do this kind of shit to me which is why I am now terrified of attics, basements and barns.
ReplyDeleteWestChesterDead - classic. I wrote a similar thing in a post a few weeks ago where I threw a lit piece of fire into a bathroom stall and my friend that was innocently walking down the hall got blamed.
ReplyDeleteThat is wickedly funny!
ReplyDeleteWeird. I, too, love to scare people. And I, too, blame my older sister who used to scare me when I was little. She also used to tickle me until I peed. Jealousy, that's what it was.
ReplyDeleteI'm tellin' ya, you need to write that book, Zibbzich.
ReplyDeleteYou can use material from your posts since you've got so much of it, already. I mean how many memoirists out there impersonate both the demon-possessed *and* Father Kelly?
Girl rests her case.
Suze youre too kind. I will be doing some major writing once my life stabalizes.
ReplyDelete,,,and when i learn to spell stabalizes
ReplyDelete