Freestyle!
Here are some random things that happened one time to me (travel edition):
- This one time in Shenzen, China the factory owner said, "You want women? I send TWO women to your room". I declined.
- This one time in Nashville two chicks grabbed my package. In one night. In one bar!
- This one time in Milan I jumped on the bed with five of my coworkers at three in the morning.
- This one time in Long Beach, California while partying with coworkers a lesbian bit the finger of a straight coworker because she wouldn't dance with her. We laughed like hell because the coworker was a prude.
- One time on a flight from Dallas to Denver I sat next to a 350 pound man that was going to an ice makers convention.
- One time in Frankfurt, Germany the chamber maid walked in as I was walking out of the shower. She was there to turn back the bed.
- One time in Ship Bottom, NJ (as a kid) I hated the vitamins that I was supposed to take so everyday I would throw them under the porch and I got busted by the mom of the family we were with. Thanks Mrs. Brophy.
- This one time in Yiwu, China hundreds of people stopped and looked at me because they never saw a white person before.
- This one time in Virgina Beach I went down a water slide and it gave me an enema.
- This one time in Toledo - I was in a car being driven from Chicago to PA with my cousin) the song, "Shake Your Booty" was on. He said, "Do you know what a booty is?" I said, "Yeah". He said, "What is it?" I said, "I don't know". He Said, "It's a butt". I said, "OK".
Any questions?
Why are 80% of my references about sex? Something's wrong with me.
ReplyDeleteCould you repeat that thing about the stuff?
ReplyDeleteI'm enthralled by this post. Sex or not. Its nice to read about the man behind the yak.
ReplyDeleteChemgeek - simply start at the top my friend.
ReplyDeleteJenJen - glad you like that. I'll do a part two since you like it so much.
The two chicks in Nashville? They were both Slyde.
ReplyDeleteHow about that one time in bandcamp....
ReplyDeleteEarl - One of them could have been.
ReplyDeleteMr Pains - that my friend (knocks on head) is what I was going for. Now you're smarter than that. Come on now son.
What was in the package? Cookies? If it was a package of cookies, I bet TONS of people wanted to grab it. Especially if they were those chocolate milano cookies.
ReplyDeleteOH, that did the trick.
ReplyDeleteChelle - What package?
ReplyDeleteThey'd never seen a white man's what? You shook the "magic noodle" at them China folk, didn't you? And probably showed the chambermaid you "Frankfurter", too.
ReplyDeleteKristen - Thanks. Easy one to write too. Nothing like rattling off stuff and calling it a post.
ReplyDeleteZibbsy, Zibbsy. *shakes head*
ReplyDeleteCome on now, tell the truth . . . after you declined the two women in China you made a demand for three and argued, "They're just so small that I'll need that many."
Gwen let me be honest here. I did ask for 3 ladies and he did mention their height.
ReplyDeleteSo he made them wear a trench coat to cover the smaller bodies. It worked. And the detective style? Nice touch.
My first and only enema was at a water slide in Florida. I feel really sorry for all the kids that used the slide after me, but I have to think I wasn't the first.
ReplyDeleteEew, gross.
WhiskeyM - At least I made it to the bathroom but you??..Something is wrong with you.
ReplyDelete*backs away slowly then runs*
As the palest white person ever to exist with blonde hair and green eyes people in China stop, nudge their friends and then follow me around whenever I travel to factories as well (sometimes that's true here in the US). I had to pose for pictures with all their children. I did get a diamond bracelet! Sadly no one offered me sex... : (
ReplyDeleteYeah, okay, I'll play along:
ReplyDeleteThis one time in London I sat on a chair in an outdoor pub and the chair tipped backwards and I tumbled down the grassy hill with my skirt over my head in front of about 50 Englishmen. 'Cuz I'm a classy American and shit.
This one time in California I was surrounded by a family in a Mexican grocery store and they all pointed and poked me saying "blanca" and stuff like that. Guess they'd never seen a pasty Seattle chick before. Jerks. *sniffle*
This one time in Hawaii I agreed to stay in a cottage with my ex-husband to save money and when I got there I was horrified to discover there was only ONE bed. The first night I slept right on the very edge of the mattress with one eye open because I didn't trust him at all. After that I slep on a blanket on the floor because it was far more comfortable.
This one time in Chicago I molested an anatomically correct statue of a moose. Then I went back to Scope's house and molested him.
Yeah. Okay, that was fun!! :-)