So I'm at the Exton Mall yesterday at lunch and I stop in Boscov's. I don't know why Boscov's because I really don't like that store.
So I'm walking by the men's department and I see a table full of ties. It says, "Ties: $9.99 - usually $59.99". And they were really nice ties. Not like the really wide ones or the ones with a tiger peaking out from behind some leaves like you guys wear. That's fine..you guys don't know the difference. But for me? That won't do.
So I picked up this one tie - a very conservative yellow tie with some mixed blue squares in it. Classy, like me.
I buy the tie (thinking to myself, "suckers")and when I put it on this morning, the thin portion of the tie has the words, "Dressed to Kill*" printed all over it. I'm all, "Whaaaa???"
Now you can't see the words because it's the thin part of the tie that's hidden by the wide part but what if like I'm walking down the lane one day and like a freak wind comes and undoes the thin part of the tie that's tucked safely behind the wide part of the tie? Then what? And if someone sees the "dressed to kill" words they're probably going to think that I think I'm trying to be Don Johnson or something.
I think I may have to return it OR keep it but it'll be OUR secret. Please..no narcing.
*If I were one of those douchebag guys I'd get a tie clip and attach it to the lower portion of the tie so a tiny bit of the "dressed to kill" words extended outward. Creating a huge trend.
BAHA, why does that even EXIST? Can you imagine what you have to be wearing that you feel the need to advertise and point out like a billboard that you are in fact, DRESSED TO KILL, just in case anyone misses your subtle style charms?
ReplyDeletePlease... take a photo of this thing!
Gage - hahaha. I know. And the tie is SO conservative I don't know who they were trying to reach? I'm sure that's why it was marked down. It might has well have said, "Hey, everyone, Fuck You"
ReplyDeleteAs for a picture ...I can probably do that. But I might forget.
WTF. That comment was not directed at your blog. However. That makes it so hilarious that I can barely breathe.
ReplyDeleteI would like to point out, before I hit post, that Steam-me-up-kid's comment window was open and I accidentally posted it on her blog.
This is so funny to me. So very very funny.
And I did it again. I hate myself and I am going to stop trying.
ReplyDeleteThe original comment does not even matter anymore. I am completely discombobulated.
ReplyDeleteI need to drink more before lunch. Or less. One of those.
Humiliating myself is fun times.
Chelle - it's OK. I have no idea what you're talking about anyway.
ReplyDeleteOh, just that I wrote a hilarious and clever comment about this post and accidentally posted in someone else's blog because I had their comment window open, too.
ReplyDeleteThen I came back to explain what happened and c/pd the wrong comment AGAIN.
Because I am so adorably bumbling. That's why, Dr Zibbs.
/:
You have the tie of a serial killer.
ReplyDeleteI will be reminding you about the photo...
ReplyDeleteHaha. OK Gage. My camera battery died but this will motivate me to get a new one.
ReplyDeleteomg. LOL Photo, asap.
ReplyDeleteThis is exactly what you deserve for being in Boscovs. The only reason to EVER be there is if you need cheap sheets in a pinch, a new crystal Dreamsicle or you are cutting through to get to the mall.
^^^^
ReplyDeleteThis comment above is just one reason why I <3 Alice.
Those people at Boscov's are sneaky sonsofbitches trying to make that tie out to be all classy.
HAHA He's being punished by the department store gods. and by "department store" I am NOT referring to Boscov's OR JC Penney. haha I'm strictly a Lord & Taylor/Macy's snob.
ReplyDeleteDon Johnson would never wear a yellow and blue checked tie even if it did say "dressed to kill." Phillip Michael Thomas probably would though. That makes it a keeper IMO.
ReplyDeleteso, I showed this to one of my co-workers and she said "Tell him I'm sure he could pick up some coordinating, half-priced ‘undressed to kill” men’s bikini briefs over in the international male catalog! ;)"
ReplyDeleteHAHAHAHA
Caveat emptor, Zibbs. That's latin for "You better look the tie over real fuckin' well before you spend $10 on a $60 tie."
ReplyDeleteIt was probably made in Singapore. They feel the need to advertise their "headiness", or so I've heard.
....walking down the lane.
ReplyDeleteI love this line. I think you bloglifted it from me and I'm totally suing your ass for copyright infringement.
bastard.
Keep the tie, and simply brush yellow paint over the "K" so it then says "Dressed To ill".
ReplyDeleteMore fitting for you, I'm sure.
Suppose you could use it to tie up Mrs. Zibbs...if you know what I mean. Jsut as soon as you're back from your walk down the lane. WTF?
ReplyDeleteCrotch Pains - you know me and you've seen me walk down the lane. Don't lie.
ReplyDeletetry not to tie one on
ReplyDeleteGage, did he post that picture yet ?
ReplyDelete..
Btw Zibbs, I'd love to see you do a "how to knot a 'dressed to kill tie ' tutorial" on youtube ...
Dominica - no picture yet.
ReplyDelete