I wonder if some dude was ever having sex with a woman. And the husband came home.
And he's totally nude. Like TOTALLY. And he doesn't want the husband to see his junk so he covers it with his two hands. But the husbands comes at him to attack him and the guy has to fend him off so he just starts kicking him. (Remember, his hands are covering his junk).
And he's not karate style kicking him because the guy has no karate training. Sure, he's seen some Jackie Chan movies but it's not going to help in this situation. So he just kicks him the way an ostrich would kick. Like jumping up in the air and doing single kicks. A very goofy showing.
"Waaaa! Waaaa!" Screaming - almost birdlike as he kicks.
The husband isn't a great fighter so he's really just slap fighting the guy. Kinda sad if you think about it.
Then the guy - with one of his goofy ostrich-like kicks - steps into the bedroom trashcan. Yeah. I know. He runs down the hall squawking in his birdish screams and limping with the trashcan caught on his foot.
The husbands pursues him with a golf club.
...AND....CUT!
If you think his fighting ostrich cries are funny, you should have heard him during coitus, that shit was priceless.
ReplyDeleteChris - HAHA!!
ReplyDeleteThe cassowary, cousin of the ostrich, has been known to kill people with a combination of it's powerful legs, and the knife like talons on them.
ReplyDeleteSo, if the dude didn't trim his toenails often...
Is this an excerpt from your journal or something?
ReplyDeleteThat's exactly what happens.
ReplyDeleteScope - look at you with the birds facts.
ReplyDeletePeggy - No. I'm a student of "Yak-zitsi" It's a form of self defense I've developed over the years.
Tommy - It is isn't it.
you know, if you witnessed this, you'd never want to have sex with that guy again. So there's that uh..bonus. For the husband I mean.
ReplyDeleteTC - Haha. True.
ReplyDeletewhat kind of guy tries to hide his junk when caught? what's he scared it's too little?
ReplyDeleteI'm a little fixated on the whole 'trash can in the bedroom' deal. Who produces that much trash? Wait, did the guy detour to the master bath and THEN stepped in the can?
ReplyDeleteMr C - I know. I got caught once and instead of hiding it I used it as a weapon.
ReplyDeleteTrina - Haha. Who DOESN'T have a trash can in their bedroom? Where do you throw tissues? On the floor?
And I HATE emptying trash cans so I have a huge, industrial sized trash can in my bedroom. When it gets really cold I light it ala Hobo campfire.
You know, my friend was married and came home to find his wife in bed with another guy. We really aren't allowed to even bring it up to him, or I'd totally find out. That was over 15 years ago, but the dude apparently did kick some ass. (The husband did - not the cheater guy.)
ReplyDeletedang it... and it was just getting good. Did the guy get away with any damage done by the Husband?
ReplyDeleteSybil - get details!
ReplyDeleteShelle - He escaped. Unharmed. (Even though I just made the whole thing up)
No. That kind of shit NEVER happens.
ReplyDeleteHeff - Yeah. I know.
ReplyDeleteWow Zibsy, I'm glad to see that your mind still works in the most genius of circles.
ReplyDeleteLike you were really thinking in cinematic form???
Maybe the next Zibbs move should be screenwriting??
And I was just wondering....what if his hands can't completely cover up his junk? What then?
ReplyDeleteI swear i've read this before in an Archie comic and it was Jughead, Reggie and Big Ethel going at it.
ReplyDeleteCandy - or lunatic circles...
ReplyDeleteCowguy - Confession. I may have stolen it accidently. HAHA.
New reader, found you through Cowguy (who is awesome).
ReplyDeleteThis makes me think about that gum commercial where the chewer is about to reveal what the secret flavour is when suddenly a bunch of Stride Enforcers riding ostriches burst through his wall and the lead ostrich head butts/pecks the chewer before he can get out the words.
Love it.
Putting Blue Yak on my blogroll so I don't miss out on further adventures.
It never ceases to amaze me how your mind works Jim. "used it as a weapon"? hahaha. You are such a GUY.
ReplyDeleteMerry Christmas sweetie. Have a good one with your family. xo d
stupidest word ver. ever - biyxidio
Thanks for stopping by Venom.
ReplyDeleteDiane - you know my mind is cwazy. Thanks for being a long time reader. And as a Xmas gift, if you want to see what I look like send your email and I'll send you a picture of my beautiful face.
ReplyDeleteHahaha....thanks for the visual! What would REALLY be hilarious if the guy covering his junk was this dude that I knew that actually resembled an ostrich. THAT would be funny.
ReplyDelete