But there is one thing I do that I'm not proud of. Sometimes when I'm done chewing gum I'll discreetly drop it on the ground in a parking lot. Something about the idea of someone stepping it then just cracks me up. Does that make me a dick? Maybe. I just can't help myself I tells ya!
Kid: I stepped in gum!
Mom: Oh Timmy why don't you watch where you're going! (as if everyone can spot a piece of gum). Let me see....Oh my God what a mess!
The mom then takes a tissue out of her purse to try and clean it off. As if THAT'S going to work.
A content Zibbs watches the scene from the bushes.
Actually I would feel bad if a kid stepped in it. In my head only assholes step in it. A 50 year old blabbermouth yenta. An old racist factory worker named Bob. Brice, the playground bully. Wow. When you look at it that way I'm kinda performing a public service.
And on other gum dropping related news I remember years ago working with this goody goody chick and she stepped in gum in the parking lot and said, "Oh my God! I stepped in gum! Who DOES that?! Why would anyone DO that?!!"
You had to hear how she said it. She was so horrified at the thought that she lives in a society where someone would drop a piece of gum. It's as if she just discovered her tires were slashed and pig's blood thrown all over her windshield. Listen sweetheart. It's gum. Get over it OK?
I should have added this into my post: Just because I drop gum I don't want YOU GUYS to drop gum. Imagine if everyone did that and the mess it would create?
ReplyDeleteSo to sum up, do NOT follow my example on this. Are we clear with that?
Bwahahaahaha!!
ReplyDeleteI had a couple of 50-70 year old blabbermouth yenta's in here I wish would step in some gum.
In answer to your question of Does that make you a dick?
It only makes you a dick if you watch contentedly from the bushes.
Candy - phew! I dont want you thinking im a dick.
ReplyDeleteYou, Sir, are a menace to society.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has nothing to do with the gum. Your clear there.
Scope - I take pride in that comment.
ReplyDeleteI have thrown gum on the ground before, too - I admit - but only because I couldn't find a garbage can. However, I've had the EXACT same thoughts as you! I hope an asshole steps in it. Karma. Be karma, gum.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I have "gum kicking contests" in parking lots. (Not proud of it.) Spit gum up in air and whoever can kick their piece the farthest gets to feel a little pride for the next 10 minutes or so! FUN!
ReplyDeleteSusan - I love that idea. I'm thinking of starting to put it on an old person's nose and say, "Now don't take this off until you count to 100."
ReplyDeleteI don't like gum. Having said that, when I do enjoy a chew now and again, I choose to dispose of it on car door handles.
ReplyDeleteTrina - I like that idea. I always thought using dog poop for that purpose would be a good idea.
ReplyDeleteYou're probably the guy that let his dog shit in my yard last night too, right? Thanks man...those were my favorite slippers*.
ReplyDelete*yes, I know anyone under 50 that wears bedroom slippers deserves to step in dog crap.
Scope stepped in gum in the parking lot of a carnival last night and immediately said, "ZIBBS!"
ReplyDeleteI'm not kidding.
Cora - hahaha!!!
ReplyDelete