Sunday, May 3, 2009

Random Thoughts About Being in Church Today For A Communion.



Today I was in church for my nephew's Communion. Here are some random thoughts:

- I was able to sit in the very back pew. Sweet.

- The sermon was about how sheep can be "really stupid animals and they'll always be stupid unless they have a shepherd. And a priest is a shepherd". Are you kidding me? I swear he said this.

- Some 14 year old girl was about to puke and her mom had to run her out of the church. She was waving to people to get out of the way.

- There was this hot lady that I met before at a business function and I was checking her out during the mass. She looked kind of sad though. Like Sarah Connor from the Terminator.

- When it was time to kneel I was trying to put the pew down and my brother whispered. "You've got to be kidding me?" I couldn't stop laughing the rest of the mass. And then I was thinking how I wanted to pass him a note saying how much Jesus hated him (courtesy of Pru) and it just got me laughing more.

- When the collection plate came around I was thinking, "there's no way I'm putting a dime in". The five year old in front of me was given a $20 bill to put in. Is that the going rate?

Gotta go. The Simpsons are on in five minutes.
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24 comments:

  1. SkylersDadMay 3, 2009 at 11:11:00 PM EDT

    Just wanted to say I am a recovering Catholic, and that the Simpsons are my church now.

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  2. sista #2May 3, 2009 at 11:16:00 PM EDT

    Seriously, those communion wafer's sucked.

    Yeah, I am going to hell, I will be driving the hell bus.

    Did I read that you were checking hot women out in church??? You can buy your bus ticket now....

    peace
    #2

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  3. Mr. CondescendingMay 3, 2009 at 11:55:00 PM EDT

    don't girls always look fat in their church outfits. The wretched stench of old lady perfume and wet 'depends' probably made that poor girl rightfully puke!

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  4. dianeMay 4, 2009 at 12:08:00 AM EDT

    Somehow, I think you are redeemed for checking out the hot lady in church because you are probably the only person who noticed that she looked sad. (I love that about you)

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  5. J.J. in L.A.May 4, 2009 at 12:37:00 AM EDT

    I haven't been to church since I turned 18 because I'm no sheep...but that priest is an ass!

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  6. words...words...words...May 4, 2009 at 3:17:00 AM EDT

    I don't hate the church like so many people who grew up Catholic. But that priest is a jerk. And I'm certain his bishop would have something to say to him if he heard that sermon.

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  7. CheleMay 4, 2009 at 3:39:00 AM EDT

    I used to go to church on sundays....then of course Saturday night got in the way

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  8. The JulesMay 4, 2009 at 4:15:00 AM EDT

    Mmm . . . churchy sex . . .


    Heh, my word verification is 'comest'. He who doth comest in the chapel of the lord shall be in want of a kleenex . . .

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  9. PhillyMay 4, 2009 at 6:38:00 AM EDT

    I think Zibbs should get a free ride on the bus to hell.

    #1

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  10. Dr ZibbsMay 4, 2009 at 7:48:00 AM EDT

    Diane - see - you know all the sides of me.

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  11. erinMay 4, 2009 at 9:20:00 AM EDT

    If you were doing this when the Simpsons were on in Five then you missed American Dad and it was pretty darn funny.

    I thought for a short split second the photo at the top was your nephew and I was like 'dude'...

    But then I got it.

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  12. UnknownMay 4, 2009 at 10:23:00 AM EDT

    $20?? Jeez, things have really gone up since I attended church!

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  13. saratogajeanMay 4, 2009 at 10:56:00 AM EDT

    You got to sit in the back pew? Color me jealous.

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  14. GwenMay 4, 2009 at 11:35:00 AM EDT

    I've taken communion a couple times in my life and I'm not Catholic. What does this mean? Is something bad going to happen to me?

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  15. Girl InterruptedMay 4, 2009 at 12:04:00 PM EDT

    I like to think we're all welcome in God's great speed-dating, social club ... I mean church

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  16. Dr ZibbsMay 4, 2009 at 12:43:00 PM EDT

    Gwen - it means you're going to the hottest part of hell.

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  17. Miss AlexMay 4, 2009 at 2:22:00 PM EDT

    BBBBBAAAAHAHAHAHAH - I don't do church

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  18. Dr ZibbsMay 4, 2009 at 2:40:00 PM EDT

    Miss Alex - either do I. Only for weddings, funerals, communions, confirmations and sacrifices.

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  19. DominicaMay 4, 2009 at 3:21:00 PM EDT

    I think the hot lady looked sad because she wanted to use 'I have to puke' as an excuse to get out of church and somebody had her great idea just a split second before her ....

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  20. CoraMay 4, 2009 at 3:35:00 PM EDT

    The priest called you a stupid sheep?!

    Lord!

    In other news, my wv is: demoted. Whoopsie. Someone ain't gonna be happy at work today....

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  21. WendyBMay 4, 2009 at 5:57:00 PM EDT

    Nothing beats inappropriate laughter during a religious ceremony.

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  22. shrink on the couchMay 4, 2009 at 6:05:00 PM EDT

    Damn lucky you were. Only back pew dwellers can get away with not kneeling,

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  23. Dr ZibbsMay 4, 2009 at 7:23:00 PM EDT

    PHD - and to make it better, the back pew was against a wall so there was zero guilt.

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  24. Fancy SchmancyMay 6, 2009 at 2:52:00 PM EDT

    What the heck church collects during a first communion?

    And laughing in church is frowned upon by Jesus. As is a ton of other stuff you probably do.

    ReplyDelete