Monday, August 17, 2009

Count Dante - Deadliest Man Alive and 70's Kid.



I wonder if any kid in the 70's ever saw this ad for Count Dante's Black Dragon Fighting Society and ordered it. And while he waited for the booklet to arrive, he started getting cockier and cockier.

He'd wait in his yard for bullies and throw rocks at them then yell, "IN 4-6 WEEKS YOUR ASS IS MINE YOU JIVE TURKEY!"

Then he'd run into the safety of his house, fling himself on the bed and look at the Count Dante' ad again.

Then when the booklet arrived, he ripped it opened and was shocked that it was complete bullshit.... and he prepared to get his ass kicked. He was gonna safety pin the ad to his chest in a last ditch effort but then he looked at it again, felt really stupid and just threw it in the trash.

No. That little boy wasn't me. But if might have been this guy or this guy.
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17 comments:

  1. Dr ZibbsAugust 17, 2009 at 11:49:00 AM EDT

    If you click on the ad you can behold it's glory even larger.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dr ZibbsAugust 17, 2009 at 11:58:00 AM EDT

    Oh my God I just realized that when you order you get a Black Dragon Fighting Society membership card for FREE!

    I wonder if that kid could have just pulled the card out and SHOWED the bully the card.

    Maybe that would have worked.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Some GuyAugust 17, 2009 at 2:36:00 PM EDT

    Nope. Not me. I'm a lover, not a fighter.

    ReplyDelete
  4. SlydeAugust 17, 2009 at 2:41:00 PM EDT

    phew!

    i was fairly certain one of those links was gonna point to me...

    ReplyDelete
  5. Dr ZibbsAugust 17, 2009 at 3:05:00 PM EDT

    Slyde - I was afraid you might cry.

    ReplyDelete
  6. BombchellAugust 17, 2009 at 3:35:00 PM EDT

    awww poor kids. at least now there's youtube for free. Im sure someone on there teaches self defense

    ReplyDelete
  7. dianeAugust 17, 2009 at 4:36:00 PM EDT

    Were you bullied?

    ReplyDelete
  8. shrink on the couchAugust 17, 2009 at 6:58:00 PM EDT

    kind of explains a few things, eh, diane?

    ReplyDelete
  9. Son of a ThomasAugust 17, 2009 at 7:57:00 PM EDT

    His best friend was known as "The Second Deadlist man Alive"

    His grandfather "The Deadlist man Not Alive."

    ReplyDelete
  10. Prunella JonesAugust 17, 2009 at 9:10:00 PM EDT

    His cousin is definitely the deadliest man in the trailer park, or so I've heard from all the other park inhabitants.

    ReplyDelete
  11. SornieAugust 17, 2009 at 10:04:00 PM EDT

    At what point did ads with the cheese factor like that go away. Now, print advertising takes itself too damn seriously.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Dr ZibbsAugust 17, 2009 at 10:06:00 PM EDT

    Sornie - yeah it is sad isn't it?

    ReplyDelete
  13. SkylersDadAugust 17, 2009 at 11:51:00 PM EDT

    Thanks for the love Dr Zibbs, but I have never met a man that scared me, for I am fast as a Cheetah when scared!

    ReplyDelete
  14. westchesterdeadAugust 18, 2009 at 7:19:00 AM EDT

    I never ordered a booklet. I always skipped straight to the getting my ass kicked in part, usually by popping my mouth off to some dude who was bigger, meaner, and older than me. When I was 11, I had a kid stalk me all summer just to try to kick my ass in after I called him a pussy for throwing rocks at someone (which should have tipped me off that he was friggin' nuts). It became the summer of terror.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Moooooog35August 18, 2009 at 8:57:00 AM EDT

    The trick is to combine your skills learned in the Black Dragon Fighting Society with your X-ray glasses.

    Fucking. Unstoppable.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Dr ZibbsAugust 18, 2009 at 1:41:00 PM EDT

    SkylersDad - good one.

    ReplyDelete
  17. WendyBAugust 19, 2009 at 1:21:00 AM EDT

    Ooh, reminds me of Kung Fu Hustle. I loved that movie!

    ReplyDelete