How To Pick Up Chicks By Pretending You're Into Manatees.

Here's a helpful technique that may help some of my single male readers find a mate. That's right. I'm going to help you get laid. A man needs to get laid. I get laid all the time. But you don't. That's how you ended up here.

It's so simple that it's retarded.

1) Find a lady in a bar, in a supermarket or on a bus*.

2) In a non threatening way, position yourself so she's trapped. You know, so she can't escape. Nothing illegal but if she can't get away she has to listen..right?

3) Stare at her for a bit. She may start to look uncomfortable but this is fine. When she's just about to flee, reach as if you're about to grab her wrist then calmly but assertively say, "I'm totally into Manatees". DO NOT BREAK YOUR STARE.

4) Give her a fact about manatees like, "Did you know that manatees are also known as sea cows?" - you can find many useful manatee facts on the Internet. Memorize them or write them on manatee shaped index cards. Make sure that they're REAL facts and not made up in case she knows a lot about manatees.

Now I haven't field tested my manatee pick up technique but it's pretty much fool proof I think. If you said you were into wolves, eagles or tigers she's gonna think that you're Mr Tough Guy and a lot of chicks don't like that. They want sensitivity. And ain't nothing more sensitive than the lovable manatee. Just look at that mug.

If it turns out that she IS into tough guys, tell her that the only natural enemy of the wolf, eagle and tiger is the manatee. Look down at your shoes while saying this so she doesn't see your lying eyes.

If it turns out she knows her manatees - then at this point - to put it bluntly - you're fucked. If she falls for it...well my friend - you're getting LAID!

That's about it. Good luck and let me know it works out.

*Make sure it's a woman you can beat in a fight if it comes to that. I don't want to scare you off, but if you do these steps with any type of weirdness, a fight MAY start.