So I was at my cousin's funeral on Saturday. It was the fourth family funeral this year. It was at Saint Assisi in Norristown. I think I need to spend more time in church because whenever I do I just see things that I might not normally notice. Here are a few:
- The alter looked like it was designed by the set designer from The Planet of the Apes (see image above).
- The one statue looked like the guy from ABBA (the bearded one).
- The other large statue looked like it was holding a weird large ball. I turned to my bother and whispered, "You never really do see the Patron Saint Of Volleyball in statue form do you?" - He couldn't stop laughing but I was able to talk myself down.
- The alter boy had a porn mustache.
- I was sitting directly behind my dad. I'm not sure who's cutting his hair but he needs to get his neck trimmed. It's the first time I saw him and thought that he reminded me of Matlock.
- Is there a name for the sing/talk thing that priests do? Do they rehearse it before hand? Are there albums available? I think I'd be pretty good at it.
Thanks Norristown Saint Francis of Assisi.
And once the pics of the statues get posted on their website I'll post them.
ReplyDeleteIt looks like some pics are on the website but they're not loading. Maybe someone could call the rectory and let them know.
..he said rectory...
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure going to church more often will solve your problems. No matter how grave the occasion, the thoughts in your head will never cease to bubble to the surface. Some people refer to this as 'meditation', but I call it 'developing my material'. The trick is to write the good ones down for use later. BTW, 'patron saint of volleyball' is good material. If I was your brother, that would have rendered me useless right on through the after funeral gathering. So, if it helps to increase your comedy material - by all means, go every week. Don't suffer for us little people, though - it's not worth it.
ReplyDeleteMy condolences. Cancer sucks.
as ususal all I can say is: see you in hell. Reminded me of when I worked at an all girls catholic HS, I was always getting in trouble with the Nuns!
ReplyDeleteFormer Fat Chick - you're going to hell too?
ReplyDeleteI CALL THE SEAT ON THE COUCH CLOSEST TO THE TV!
Sorry. But I called it.
There's a Patron Saint of Volleyball? I should have prayed to him. Maybe then he would've let me hit a ball in the direction I intended at least freaking once in gym class.
ReplyDeleteTish - there is. There really is.
ReplyDeleteWell not really but we can dream can't we?
You really know how to make the most of a bad situation. Love the volleyball statue remark. I bet "funny" runs in your family.
ReplyDeleteOK, next time I have to be in church, I will know how to spend the next hour ! And write a blog about it afterwards !
ReplyDeleteI was at a funeral of a family member years ago and because I was a little late, I was seated in the side wing of the church. The place was filled with people and many of them couldn't sit ; so this guy was standing just in front of me and because it was a long service he began to lean on the church's furniture...just a second after I saw him lean, he fell into the confessional just in front of my face...
I felt bad cause I couldn't stop laughing (in silence) ..OMG, I was shaking so hard !
Dominica - good one.
ReplyDeleteThat sing/talk thing is called cantoring. I know a lot about it but I'm not going to tell you because I'm still bitter that you didn't show up to the tweetup last night.
ReplyDeleteApatheticAlto - I wish I could have made it but I had a meeting. Maybe next time.
ReplyDeleteAnd who are you?
I'm the other half of @westchesterdead. The half that's not as funny but has better breasts.
ReplyDeleteOh yeah. I realized it after I wrote that. Hope you had a good time last night. (starts to whisper) Between you and me...you was the most boring person there?
ReplyDelete