Remember when I told you about the sex talk I got from my Dad? No? Click here to read it.
Well I just remembered the sex talk I got from my wife's family doctor when we went to get our blood tests before we got married.
We had been warned of this ridiculous sex talk from some of my wife's cousins and honestly, I thought they were exaggerating. But they weren't because it was as ridiculous as they said it would be.
Here are two parts that I remember. I just stared at a chart on the wall and tried with everything in me not to laugh as the 80 year old doctor said:
"Now Jim, there might be times when...when you're feeling a bit amorous. And you might come in the house from working on the car and you might feel the desire to just GRAB at your wife. You really shouldn't do that way. It's best to clean yourself up and start things slow. That's the best way."
"And you really should just stay away from anal sex. It's just dirty."
I swear this is true.
Anal sex being dirty is exactly why you DO have it.
ReplyDeleteSilly doctor.
Mooog - I will print out your comment and place it on his grave.
ReplyDeleteCan you please have him talk to my husband?
ReplyDeleteAnd by him, I mean the old doctor. NOT Moooooog35! I'm all creeped out thinking about THAT outcome.
ReplyDeleteNo offense Moooog!
The Mad Woman - No. I think you meant Moooog.
ReplyDeleteSo did you take his advice?
ReplyDeleteYou swear that anal sex is dirty? Or you swear that the doctor really had this talk with you?
ReplyDeleteWWW - I swear the doctor really had this talk with me.
ReplyDelete(Someone else even emailed me asking me if I'm making this up. And I'm not)
that is one pussified dr.
ReplyDeleteprobably thinks women should be paid as much as men too!
Why do you have to get blood tests before you get married???
ReplyDeleteWe don't have that here, you can be totally rabid and still get hitched.
That's how we ended up with the Royal Family.
No, it's best to have her join you in the shower for the "cleanin' up" bit.
ReplyDeleteHow did the doctor know that anal sex with your wife was dirty?
ReplyDeleteyes I'm curious about the blood test bit too... if something turns up do they deny you? What sorts of things would be grounds for denial? I'm puzzled. Maybe they can tell if you've had anal sex through your blood test...
ReplyDeleteGage - they check for VD? I think..
ReplyDeletePlease tell me you laughed. I don't know how I would have kept a straight face.
ReplyDeleteYou should have asked him to explain WHY anal sex it dirty. Is it the poop thing? The bloody rectum? The vegetable oil all over the sheets? DETAILS man, we need details!!
ReplyDeleteI know I'm late. Forgive me, I'm catching up now! haha
ReplyDeleteI can't stop laughing about this! Did you ever have the experience of working on the car and then wanting to grab at your wife? Did you do it or heed his warning? lol What exactly was he afraid would happen, I wonder...
@Moooooog35
ReplyDeleteDo you believe in the fucking bull shit you want to believe? You like censorship? You are a fucking moron for saying that.
Let's continue our little discussion here:
https://www.facebook.com/MAKEITTEN
I'll show you the meaning of censorship retard!
PS - FUCK THE HARD ROCK CAFE for their anti Coyote propaganda!!!
PSS - @blogauthor
Shove your fucking east coast bias up your cunt ass!!!