Man oh man I've been cleaning the heck out of my house and bringing stuff to the Exton Goodwill. When you drop stuff off you then drive around the corner and you're greeted by the smiling, 15 foot face of the rascal pictured above*. She gives a friendly, "Thank you." Well you are welcome me lady! Glad I could be of assistance. *tips imaginary hat*
I think they should modify it so that as you pass, the lips move and in the deep voice of a giant it says, "DON'T FORGET YOUR RECEIPT." Then it winks or something. I don't know.
Or if I work there I'm going to modify it so as a car is driving away and there's a kid looking out the window the pupils will turn red and the mouth will move and whisper, "I'm watching youuuuuu" or "Stay in school." Something like that.
How much do you think something like that would cost?
*See? I actually HELP retarded people. Do you know that one of the items I dropped off was a "Welcome to Niagara Falls" tit mug (mug in the shape of a tit that has a hole in the nipple that you can drink out of). Retarded people NEVER get access to items like that. If some of you guys had a tit mug you were done with I bet you would say, "Hmmm. Should I throw this in the trash or donate it to a retarded person?" Then you would open your trash can and drop it in, "Meh, THOSE people don't need a tit mug." That question never even entered my mind!
Your irreverence is fabulous.
ReplyDeleteI would like to see/hear the lass in question rumble either "Stay in school" -- which I find delightfully inane -- or perhaps useful commentary regarding how much one should tip or how often one should change their car's oil.
I don't think we've fully explored the talking billboard.
Pearl
Pearl - Ha. the car oil reminder. I like it.
ReplyDeleteI've been cleaning house like a fucking mad woman around here, too. AND donating to Goodwill. They're actually getting some excellent shit.
ReplyDeleteLanguage is an interesting thing... in the USA "retarded" is a common used word, we drove past something like "Home for Retarded Young People" once - my daughter was incensed!
ReplyDeleteIn England "retarded" would be considered a really bad insult and never used to describe those with learning difficulties.
"Separated by the same language"
Goodwill is such a wonderful, weird, whatthefuckish little universe. I love it there.
ReplyDeleteI was once wandering in their book department and found a vintage Mary Poppins book which was worth three times what they were asking for it--but wait, there was more! On the shelf below Mary Poppins was a book called "The Good Vibrations Guide To Great Sex" (or something like that)! No, I'm not kidding.
Now, where else but Goodwill would you find vintage Mary Poppins for sale with the sex books? Effing nowhere, that's where.
Cora - always good books there. And also always tons of diet books.
ReplyDeleteShe should probably say "Fight the Power", you know, Corky style.
ReplyDeleteTC - Awwww yeah!!
ReplyDelete