On Twitter the other day I tweeted:
I'm gonna make a movie about a midget orphanage called, "They Only Pick The Tall Ones" or "Tiny Tears on Lollipop Lane".
Here's another idea that I may pitch to the studios:
"The Biggest Midget" - the story of a non midget boy that was raised by wolves but then leaves so he can meet his own kind and he stumbles into a small village of midgets. But he thinks he's a midget because they look closer to him than wolves do.
And at the very end of the movie the mayor of "Midget's Lair" says to him as he's about to leave the town because he realizes he's not a midget, "You are the biggest one here.. that is true. But you're also the one with (climbs ladder so he can get closer to the "giant") ...you're also the one with (looks into camera) the biggest heart".
Then the whole village of Midget's Lair goes into to this big ass celebration. There's all this fucking food and shit. Music playing with the normal picking up the little people and putting them on his shoulder. Then like the wolves come out and everything but they're all gentle and shit.
Man. This is gonna be bigger than New Moon!
Is anyone crying yet? Cause the story totally touches your heart? Yeah, you knew it was gonna be good.
I just reread this. This idea is great!
ReplyDelete..also, who should I cast as the normal?
ReplyDeleteSomeone who is at least 6'6".
ReplyDeletesomeone with a big heart and a big dick.
ReplyDeleteOr
A girl.
With big boobs.
I would change it up.
ReplyDeleteRaised by wolves,
goes to people world
finds out he's a midget/not accepted,
returns to heartwarming renuion with wolves
wolves devour real people.
Okay, dude, I'm thinking you should put down the peyote pipe for a bit. Wolves and midgets and giants, oh my!
ReplyDeletehee, hee!
Madtexter - you might have a good point but did you see what Son of A Thomas said? What's up with that? That's just wierd!
ReplyDeleteI'm crying, alright!
ReplyDeleteThe only thing is I can't ever watch that movie in theatre ; told you before, whenever I see a midget, I'm off my food...and that's 1 of the reasons I like going to the cinema...for warm nacho's, pickles and cheese ...
ReplyDeletesorry ....
It's interesting how the ethereal, dark nature of midgets has made it's way into literature and films over the years, as they represent untamed desire, sensuality and a bubbling undercurrent of danger lurking just beneath a suave, sophisitcated surface of barely repressed lust.
ReplyDeleteStrong stuff. You're on to a winner.
My favorite parts of Elf took place with Buddy in the north pole (ie oversized him struggling in the elves' tiny showers, beds, etc). So I think you may have something here. Were you thinking comedy, drama, dramedy? It would be awesome if you could make it a documentary (or just pretend to, no one will ever know).
ReplyDeleteDominica - you might be onto a great idea for a weight loss restaurant.
ReplyDeleteThe Jules - That's what I was going for.
Kristen - I think it would be best as a drama. On Ice.
I think Bob Sapp would be a good choice for the lead. Except it's well known that midgets are biased against black people, so it probably would not work. Damn little bigots!
ReplyDeleteBigots eh? I never knew that.
ReplyDeleteStop looking at me when you talk about this.
ReplyDeleteCan I at least get a producer credit?
Mooooog - I can't promise but I'll try to at least get you an audition for the part of Mr Shoo - the sassy cobbler of Midget's Lair.
ReplyDeleteCould the normal be anyone but Ben Affleck ?
ReplyDeletePaticus - you've got my promise. There's no way Affleck is gonna ruin this gem.
ReplyDeleteAnd either is Nicholas Cage.
I'm thinking Bob Saget would be good for this part. Not the 'Full House' Saget, the one from stand-up and Entourage.
ReplyDeleteCaptain Spaulding - I'll add him to the audition list.
ReplyDelete