Thursday, May 27, 2010
Embarrassing Incident That Happened To Me At Chester County Hospital.
I may have posted this story before on TBY but maybe not so here goes. Grab a piece of rug and gather around Indian style as I tell you this tale*:
A few years ago I found a lump on my nut. Do you know what I'm talking about when I say "nut"? You do? Good. I see my doctor and he sends me to Chester County Hospital to get an ultra sound on...yup...my nut. I have to admit, I was nervous that they were going to find something wrong with me. But turns out it was nothing serious. Rest assured that I'm still perfect in that region.
So I go into the ultrasound room and the nurse comes in. And she's a total MILF. Brunette, pretty eyes, cute little body, hot nurses outfit and the faint smell of Chanel. OK, I made that last part up. But she was hot.
She explains what I'm supposed to do, "I'm going to leave the room, but I need you to undress. Then, I need you to lay on your back and place your penis on your stomach and cover it with this towel. I'll be back in a few minutes." And she hand motioned the whole thing with her forearm representing the penis an open hand representing the towel. Almost the way a flight attendant explains safety procedures. As if to try and put me in "clinical thinking" mode. Nice try.
So she leaves the room and I follow the instructions but I'm really nervous that I'm going to get a boner**. Because she's hot and she's going to be rubbing warm goo on my nuts. How cants ya??
So I cleverly position the towel in a way that creates a "wiener reservoir". You know, like I prop it up in a tent type fashion so that if the boner begins, the fabric of the towel will not move. The boner will simply grow into the reservoir area while she innocently rubs the ultrasound wand on me - in a slow rhythmic motion...the heat adding to the pulsating...Oh...sorry.
The nurse returns, the lights are lowered and she begins. I swear the only thing missing were some candles. She squeezes the warm ultrasound stuff on me and starts rubbing the wand on me. And it feels good. Really good.
Guys, you know what I'm talking about.
I'm just looking at her. Kind of dreamily. Then I'm like, "OK, I better not look at her". That might start "the reaction". So I close my eyes. And can I tell you it felt so good. It was so relaxing and sexy at the same time. Then, I must have started to daydream because, almost instinctively I gave a slow thrust. (That means my hips moved up. The first stage of "pumping" if you will).
Mid-thrust I realize what I did and I freeze. WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?? I'm thinking maybe I can lower my thrusted hip really slowly, like over the course of a minute and she'll never know.
Who am I kidding? It was so fucking obvious. I tried again to convince myself that she didn't notice but then I just started getting embarrassed. I couldn't even look at her. The shame.
The procedure ends and she says, "That's about it. You can get dressed now." And she leaves the room. I get dressed and walk out. And I swear to God I'm not making this up. She standing there telling the nurses something, they're all laughing. As soon as they see me they go silent. Now I do tend to be paranoid but I really think she was telling them the story.
If anyone is is from Chester County Hospital and has heard this story please let me know. Thank you.
*I was reminded of this tale after @FrogCheeks (on Twitter) mentioned something about a hot nurse.
**An erection of the penis.
I can totally see you doing that!
ReplyDeleteOMG, Classic! I wonder if they all still talk about it. Like "oh, remember the thruster?!? HAHA". lol When I worked at the pharmacy we had all kinds of nicknames for people.
ReplyDeleteKimmie - it was embarrassing!
ReplyDeleteAlice - I'm sure it's a story that comes up from time to time. For a while after that I was nervous I was going to run into the nurse somewhere.
And then she's say to her friends, "There he is! That guy I was telling you about!"
hey- you never know...maybe she wanted you to thrust! LOL
ReplyDeleteAlice - It's true. You never know.
ReplyDeleteOMG this totally is so YOU :) is that your thang? Nurse outfits?
ReplyDeleteJenn - Uhhhh. Maybe...
ReplyDelete*gets all nervous and runs away*
HAHA bingo...
ReplyDeleteWhat?! No happy ending for Dr. Z at the local hospital? Inconceivable. Did she not know who you are? And if so, how is that possible? You're famous!
ReplyDeleteGwen - I know right? I should have said at the begining, "Um, before this starts...do you know who I am? No? You better sit down for this..."
ReplyDeleteTruth - I dunno how you guys walk around with those things. God bless ya.
ReplyDeleteYEAH! I got a blog mention!
ReplyDeleteI had almost the same experience. lump, was nothing, chester county hospital, towel, penis, warm goo, MALE nurse. Thankfully no erection/thrusting issues.
I do have another related story. I guess that will be my first blog post. Stay tuned.....
twitter.com/frogcheeks
frogcheeks.blogspot.com
She said to lay it on your stomach? I'm not sure whether to be stunned, concerned or just really impressed.
ReplyDeleteIt IS nice to know you have perfect nuts though.
Stacey - it is a great responsibilty.
ReplyDeleteFrogCheeks - Well get writin' boy!
Girl I - Well thank you. It's nice to have them. AND I'm glad you're back blogging from Jolly Old.
LMAO Almost as bad as when they rub the G-Spot when you get the vaginal ultra-sound done.... no need for the lube ;P
ReplyDeleteNo worries. That bitch knew she was good looking/torturing anyway.
ReplyDeleteBesides. Wait until you get prostate check boners.
-KJC
HAHAHA I laughed out loud when I read you thrusted!!
ReplyDeleteYou know, you tried that shit on me when you hugged me. I think you have a problem.
I'm a nurse and have been present when a "reaction" occurs. I can't begin imagine how mortifying it must be for the man and shame on the nurse for telling her co-workers in the hall. That's something you save for happy hour when everyone is bitching about/laughing at their patients that day.
ReplyDeleteholy crap in all seriousness i hope you didn't let out a little moan you nut job.
ReplyDeletetee hee hee
You Would
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine having to deal with that as a guy
You say "slow thrust" but I reckon it was jumping up, gyrating your hips whilst swirling the towel round your head and singing Single Ladies by Beyonce.
ReplyDeletePossibly.
Good grief. Don't you just looove bizarro medical procedures. And this is why I don't get massages. I'm afraid something may pop up at the most inopportune time. But I guess people person these services expect it. Heck, they probably get off on it!
ReplyDeleteLaughed so hard I cried. You should tell this story once a week.
ReplyDeleteThanks Wendy - when I finally meet you I'll retell the story to you while acting it out.
ReplyDeleteHA! Great story and so glad I'm not a guy.
ReplyDeleteOMG. OMFG! I am CRYING WITH LAUGHTER! I literally could not finish reading after the "thrust". Holy hell! That is the FUNNIEST POST EVER!!!
ReplyDeleteI will never look at you the same. I will always think...warm KY nutjelly.
Kristen - yeah - it can be tough sometimes.
ReplyDeleteIn the immortal words of Elaine Benes:
ReplyDeleteI don't know how you guys walk around with those things.
alright. Look at Nicole V chiming in.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment.
AWESOME!
ReplyDeleteoh, this was uncomfortable for you. Sorry, I was thinking still thinking about the MILF, cuz that's how I roll sometimes.
Sorry, its still awesome.
The mad woman - you were thinking about the MILF. Oooooh I see.
ReplyDeleteSo when did your life become an episode of Seinfeld. Can you say "shrinkage"
ReplyDeleteplease post a new story... this one is making me uncomfortable.
ReplyDeleteCrotch - Oh yeah? *congratulates himself on his great comeback*
ReplyDeleteGage - A new one just went up. And "uncomfortable?"
Why didn't I go to nursing school ! ??
ReplyDeleteI could bring stories like this home and blog about it !
Now the only thing I can write about is kids and food !
Dominica - it's never too late.
ReplyDeleteMoron, nurses don't do ultrasounds. That was a radiology tech.
ReplyDeleteHahahahhahaha
ReplyDeletehahahahahahahahahahahaha
Awesome.
Glad you liked that Sybil
ReplyDeleteI cannot believe that I didn't leave a comment on this one! Totally ridiculously hilarious!
ReplyDeleteBoners must be weird...I mean, to what extent can you control something like that?