I remember just starting my first corporate job. I had been there a few weeks and I’m standing there finishing up at the urinal, I flush it and then the unthinkable happens.
It started to overflow.
And I don’t mean a little either. It was like a pipe had burst. Water was just pouring out. At the rate of like a gallon every three seconds.
And it’s loud too! The water hitting the tile floor in this huge corporate bathroom was even making an echo. So I just calmly walked out of the bathroom. Quickly. Trying to look innocent as I walked out. Fleeing the scene of the crime.
I return to my desk and was going to call maintenance but thought that the story would change from “the new guy flushed the urinal and the pipe broke” to “That new guy apparently thinks our bathrooms are some sort of playground or something. He clogged one of the toilets.” Someone else would chime in, “The bastard probably used too much toilet paper! Doesn’t HR do background checks anymore? Jesus Christ!”
So I returned to by cube and sat down knowing that a disaster was happening. Gallons of water flooding the Men’s Room. Then I hear someone at the copier which is right by the Men’s Room. After a few copies are made I hear, “OH MY GOD! Somebody call maintenance. There’s a flood!” Her look was probably one of horror as she dropped her papers.
Next I hear maintenance opening up the door after breaking through the crowd. OK. There were only a few people there but still. I pictured a wave of water piling out like the scene from The Shining where the blood comes rushing down the hall. And I picture the water flooding the area outside of the Men’s Room. Fish flopping all over the floor. Random seaweed and six pack plastic thingies littering the walls.
Then I was on edge all day thinking they were going to catch me:
Marketing Dude: Hey Jim do you have the product info for…
Me: There’s no way you’re going to pin this on me Pal! You can’t PROVE anything. Can you?..Oh….what?
Or:
Advertising Dude: Jim are you finished looking at the copy for…
Me: What? Cause I guy pees it means he BROKE a urinal? What is this? The god damn Nuremburg trials? ..wait….what?
Bottom line is that nobody ever found out it was me. So don’t go narcin’ me out. Got it?
Do you have chunky pee or something?
ReplyDeleteEwww.
I just grossed myself out.
Anyway - totally wasn't your fault. Unless, you know - chunky pee.
Haha
Sybil - the chunky thing equally makes me laugh and grosses me out! HAHA!!
ReplyDeleteCompletely forgot what I was going to say after reading "chunky pee".
ReplyDeleteWomen and children first!
ReplyDeleteAnd chunky pee made me gag, so thanks.
Jessica and peggy- I know. The chunky pee thing is funny and disturbing..haha gross.
ReplyDeleteI once saw a urinal filled with something chunkier than you're talking about.
ReplyDeleteOh fark. The chunky pee is sadly the funniest thing I have read all day.
ReplyDeleteGo to the doctor and get a shot of penicillin.
haha...Ok, everyone else is laughing at the same thing as me...great post zibbs...but "Chunky Pee" so profoundly funny. And gag worthy.
ReplyDeleteLooks like I may need to write a post called, "Chunky Pee"
ReplyDeleteSimilar thing happened to me at work. Finishing my business at the urinal when some guy in the stall flushes, says "Oh no!" I hear what sounds like buckets of water hitting the floor and see a tsunami coming from under the stall. I high tail it out of there. I just don't see how it is possible to overflow one of those toilets. I mean those think flush like you're being sucked out into space.
ReplyDeleteFor one moment, I thought that it was your office bathroom! Haha. Just kidding! Well, I think you had quite a first day at work! Good thing no one noticed that you were the last person in the bathroom. But I do hope that the management did something about that. It is still a serious matter as employees and company guests need a well-working bathroom on a regular basis. [Elia Lester]
ReplyDelete