Irish Spring Commercial and Some Trivia For Ye'

Remember this stupid Irish Spring commercial from 1979? I hated it. Trying to hook people in with the Irish thing and the cutting open of the soap with the pocket knife.



But here's some trivia for you. Do you know who that babe is in the commercial? It's Cindy Morgan. The chick from Caddy Shack. Remember?

Here she is:

Burt Mustin. Brady. All In The Family. Old Dude.

Remember Burt Mustin? Sure you do. He was that super old dude that was on the Brady Bunch "Jesse James" episode. And All The Family. And other things. He always reminded me of my Aunt Josie who was really old too.

Here are a few pictures. Not sure what the second two are from. Do you?

Rino's of Exton. Route 30 Banner Must Come Down, Chester County Wings.

Let me first say that I've been going to Rino's Pizza in Exton for years. It's really good. Great prices. Friendly staff. With that out of the way I will say one thing....

*Ronald Reagan impression* Rino's tear down that banner!

And by banner I mean the one above. It says, "Free Wings!" So wouldn't you assume that if you go in they give you free wings? There is no disclaimer on there. I was in with my daughter the other day and I asked them about it and they pointed to this on their menu:

If you go in on Monday and buy a pitcher of Yuengling you get 16 wings. That's not "free wings!!" It's been bugging the shit out of me. Why doesn't the banner say that?? Are they purposely trying to get people to think you can walk in and get free wings? And I bet some people go in and find out wings aren't free but then don't want to leave since they're already there. Isn't this illegal??

I bet legally I could ask for free wings and they would have to give them to me. But I hate confrontation so I won't. And I'd be afraid they'd get the dishwasher to rub the wings in his butt or something to get me back. You never know.

I know what you're probably thinking, "Zibbs you told people to shut up in the theater and told that guy on the computer to stop eating. If YOU don't stop this injustice who will??"

Well you just convinced me. Here is my three part plan:

1) I'm going to wait a day to see if Rino's sees this posts and take down (or modifies) the banner.
2) If they don't I will call Rino's (from a blocked number and holding a hanky over the mouthpiece) and ask them to remove the sign.
3) If no results I will call the Better Business Bureau.

If this doesn't work I MAY call for a boycott. What are your thoughts on this matter? I will keep everyone posted of my progress in the comments area of this post.

Chester County Collage Artist. Mime Related. Marchwood Goodwill.

Question: What is "art?"

Answer: You're looking at in my friend.

That masterpiece was created by me. For you hayseeds out there the style is called collage art. Or assemblage. This piece shows a mime, sadly looking at a large headed retarded man. But why? What does it even mean? That's for you to figure out.

Sadly the rest of the piece was never actually assembled. I found all of the elements in a cigar box and dropped  the whole thing off at the Marchwood Goodwill on Saturday.

Imagine the look on the person's face when they find it? But sadly, it's incomplete. It would be like finding the Mona Lisa but smile is missing. Or Edvard Munch's The Scream but it has no mouth. Or Dogs Playing Poker minus the bulldog. Incomplete.

Anyways. I hope you enjoy it.

Is John Travolta A Homosexual? Proof. Staying Alive.

Is John Travolta indeed a homosexual? That is the question that everyone is asking. So I decided to do a little research.  I started with the video of Greased Lightening....

And it's kind of hard to tell if he is gay from the video. I can tell two things. One, he's really not that great of a dancer. And two, Jeff Conaway is an public nuisance. 

So I did a bit more digging and came across a picture of John Travolta from Staying Alive. And after looking at the picture I can conclude that he is indeed....a homosexual. 

The proof...

is in.....

the pudding....

A Question About Two Different Songs. Leo Sayer.

I have a few questions here about these two songs. I heard both in the car earlier. The first is for the song "It Never Rains in Southern California." The lyric says "it never rains in California" but then goes on to say, "but girl  don't they warn ya. It pours. Man it pours."

Which is it? Wikipedia says the song is about the struggles of of an aspiring singer. Does "it pours" means something is hard? Or it pours as in when things get bad they get worse like "when it rains it pours?" Here's the song:



Next questions are for the song "Long Tall Glasses" AKA "I Know I Can Dance" by Leo Sayer. First question:      What do you think he danced like once he started dancing? Was he really good or did he just THINK he was good?

Second question: *said in the voice of a grumpy old man* Why the hell is that jackass making all those motions and God damn faces while he's singing? He looks like an idiot!"

Random Pictures. Grimace. The Whip Tavern.

Some random pictures that were on my phone:

 Grimace glass I saw at a garage sale.

 Baby snapping turtle I saw on a nature walk. I named him Chompers.

 Hot pastrami sandwich from the Whip Tavern. Very good.

 Sausage, onions and pepper sandwich I made at home.

 I endorse these Herr's boardwalk style potato chips.

Me sitting by the fire at the home of the Crotchpains.

There you go.

Women Work Hard And Deserve Snacks. Ice Cream, Bananas and Cake.

Looks like we've got some girls that have worked up a big appetite. Enjoying ice cream....

....and potassium  packed bananas....

...and even cake..

Local Enjoys The Food Samples At Exton Sam's Club.

Do you ever go to Sam's Club in Exton? And you see the people handing out samples so you kind of say, "Hmmm. What do we have here? Don't mind if I do."

Then you try all the samples? And they were all pretty good (except for the hummus) so you go back and get another sample? And another.

Then you're like, "It's almost lunch. I might as well keep this rotation going for a bit." But then you notice the guy handing out the sausage giving you the stink eye so you pretend to be reading the ingredients on a random salsa container? Mouthing, "Oh so it DOES have peppers in it."....

Then you try to go for one last  sample of chicken parm and the lady has to judge you by saying, "Hey weren't you here already?" And you almost say, "Um. that was the other guy."

But you get nervous and leave because who needs their stupid food anyway! (Even though it was good).

SIDE NOTE FOR FRUGAL READERS: Do you know that they have patio furniture right near where they hand out the food samples in Exton? So if you're on a tight budget and you want to take a girl on a date you can bring her to one of the patio tables and say it's a restaurant. (Maybe call it "Sammy's Place?) Then you can just go get the food and bring it to the table. Or ask a friend to pretend he's a waiter. Or maybe YOU can pretend to be the waiter but you'll need a disguise to wear and just tell your date you have to go to the bathroom and when the waiter comes for her to order the "sampler" for both of you". Cost?: $0. You are welcome.

Plastic on Couches. What Up Wid Dat?

Question for my Italian  (say: I-TALL-yun) followers. Did any of you have plastic on your couches? If yes please call your parents and ask them why. I really want to know. These pictures may refresh your memory:

Mastiff Causes Confusion At Wissahickon Park. Dogs.

Look at that dog! It's my brother's dog. He named it Aunt Jane after my crazy Aunt Jane that died a few years ago. I think mostly because if she knew a dog was named after her she would have had a fit. "You named a...You named a DOG after me?? No. You change that name now boy!"

Well him and his wife were at Wissahickon Park a few weeks ago and had Aunt Jane off of the leash. And Jane saw a deer and bolted after it. An hour passes and and they still can't find her. And they're freaking out so they call the police. The police show up and tell my sister-in-law to call the dog through the police megaphone. So she does.

"Aunt Jane! Come on Aunt Jane!. Come Here? AUNT JANE!! AUNT JANE COME HERE! AUNT JANE!!!!!"

Aunt Jane finally comes running out of the woods.

All I could picture was people in the woods hearing a woman yeling for their Aunt Jane. And waiting for various old ladies named Aunt Jane emerging from the woods. On walkers..... "What? Who's calling meeeeee?"

Who Do You Want To Go To The Dance With? 70's Tiger Beat.

OK. Oh my God! You can pick one person from this Tiger Beat to go to the big dance. Who do you choose?

I pick Marie!

BREAKING NEWS: Chester County Man Confronts Loud Eater!

I must be growing bigger balls in my older age. First I tell the teenagers to shut up in the Downingtown Regal Theater (see story here) now I confront a loud eater at the library.

If you think about it I'm kind of like a public nuisance fighter. A man who puts himself in danger's way for the good of others. Perhaps like a super hero? Hold on there. I put my pants on like everyone else. Am I making the life of the commoner better by standing up to these injustices? Yes but "super hero" might be pushing it. Well, they're YOUR words not mine. Call me what you will.

Here's what happened. I'm sitting on the computer and this dude is eating Peanut Chews. Loudly. Smacking his lips and mouth with every bite. I'm not exagerating when I say that if I tried I couldn't do it louder. If you heard my imitation you would roll your eyes and say, "Yeah right. He wasn't doing it THAT loudly!" But he was. Almost like he was doing it on purpose.

After a few minutes of looking over to him - him oblivous - I finally couldn't take it. My blood was boiling!

Me: Listen. Do you realize how loud you're eating? You need to go somewhere else.

Him: (looks at me and he's furious) What? ..I...Why don't you!....FINE!

Then he flings his chair back, grabs his stuff and storms out. He looked like David Banner right before he goes all Hulk.

I was hoping for applause from people but there were only a few people there. And they probably sensed danger*. Not sure if they noticed because I was then going into fight preparadness mode. After a minute I was going to turn to the guy behind me and say, "Do you believe that guy?" But didn't.

And I don't feel bad either. A few weeks ago the dude was doing the same thing. And he was eating Fritos -taking one tiny piece and chewing it slowly with the same loud, annoying lip smacking. And was also then opening his drink, taking a sip then going, "Ahhhhh."

Jerk! You got what you deserved!

*Pussies.

I've Got A Confession. That Man Is A Nuisance. Gum.

I've got a confession. OK. Well first off, let me start by saying that I've never smashed a bottle against a wall. I don't throw trash out of my car window. I don't do graffiti. Well, unless you're talking back in the day. I used to leave tons of pen drawn graffiti in bathroom stalls at school. But that was more like art. Entertainment for the masses so lets not count that.

But there is one thing I do that I'm not proud of. Sometimes when I'm done chewing gum I'll discreetly drop it on the ground in a parking lot. Something about the idea of someone stepping it then just cracks me up. Does that make me a dick? Maybe. I just can't help myself I tells ya!

Kid: I stepped in gum!

Mom: Oh Timmy why don't you watch where you're going! (as if everyone can spot a piece of gum). Let me see....Oh my God what a mess!

The mom then takes a tissue out of her purse to try and clean it off. As if THAT'S going to work.

A content Zibbs watches the scene from the bushes.

Actually I would feel bad if a kid stepped in it. In my head only assholes step in it. A 50 year old blabbermouth yenta. An old racist factory worker named Bob. Brice, the playground bully. Wow. When you look at it that way I'm kinda performing a public service.

And on other gum dropping related news I remember years ago working with this goody goody chick and she stepped in gum in the parking lot and said, "Oh my God! I stepped in gum! Who DOES that?! Why would anyone DO that?!!"

You had to hear how she said it. She was so horrified at the thought that she lives in a society where someone would drop a piece of gum. It's as if she just discovered her tires were slashed and pig's blood thrown all over her windshield.  Listen sweetheart. It's gum. Get  over it OK?

Do Guys Still Use Aftershave? Aqua Velva. Groucho.

Do guys still use Aqua Velva? Or aftershave for that matter. I don't. But I remember when my dad taught me how to shave and when it was done he said, "And then what you do Jimmy is pour a little of this after shave on your hands - not too much - rub your hands together then slap it on your face like this..."

Below is an Aqua Velva commercial. Who knew there were so many? The one below is one that features a  guy imitation Groucho. Remember when every third commercial or TV show had someone imitating Groucho?



Oh and here's an even older commercial that features the Aqua Velva jingle. Note her kiss at the end. Probably meant to say, 'If you don't use this product you're a homo":



And one more. This one featuring Pete Rose. Yeah right. As if that Frankenstein haircutted Mofo was smooth with the ladies! (see end of video)

Chevy Van. 70's Style. Sammy Kershaw. Nice Caboose.

Look at that fat fuck loser thinking that foxy lady is going to get into his cherry van. Well, she probably is since she's wearing a van magazine and this photo is obviously staged.

Look at that caboose on that babe though. And she's got some attitude! Oh baby! You must be a woman's libber? No worries. I ain't no male chauvenist pig. Get in my van doll face.

I had to post this because I saw an old van on Sunday and thought, "Man I haven't seen a 70's van in ages!" It wasn't custom or anything but brought back memories. Remember the custom ones though? Shag carpet on the ceiling, fridge, maybe a water bed? Yeah you know what I'm talking about. Mmmhmmm?

Sadly I only have two interactions with custom vans. One was owned by a friend of mine in college. And we used to party AND parTAY in it (whatever that means). And the second was Mr Franz across the street. Remember that asshole? You know, he used to blink all the time? Wait. I think he had a custom van. I know he had a dune buggy. I forget. Flare, can you chime in and clear this up?*

And I'll leave you with the corny ass Chevy van song. Here are a few lyrics. Feel free to sing along.

Like a picture she was laying there
Moonlight dancing in her hair
She woke up and took me by the hand
She's gonna love me in my Chevy van
And that's alright with me

*clear it up AFTER you put that snorkel down.

Exton Fair. Carnies. Man Prepares Interview For Bearded Lady.

They're here! The carnies have arrived in Exton (right near the Exton Mall) to set up and work a fair. Which means I'm working up a few questions for an interview I'm hoping to get with the bearded lady. Here are a few:

- Did you ever shave half of the beard and turn sideways then some dudes were at a bar and were like, "Hey babe how about I buy you a drink?" Then you turned your head slightly and he was like, "DEAR JESUS!!"

- Do you ever brush you beard at night in your carny trailer while wearing your nightie and you have to brush like 100 strokes or something to keep it looking pretty. And the rhythm of the brushing gets you humming a song then the sword swallower or the strong man or something bangs the thin wall from his trailer and yells, "KEEP IT DOWN! I'M TRYING TO GET SOME SHUT EYE!" How does that make you feel?

- Did you ever hook up with a local who had been drinking and you were making out then he pulled away and just said, "I'm sorry. You're nice and all but I just...I just can't do this!" Then he ran out? Not even stopping to pick up his shoes?

- Did a friend ever sit you in a chair and say, "Now you just stay put and I'm going to pretty you up." Then she tied little ribbons in your beard and said, "OK that should do it!" And you turned around to the mirror and were just about to smile when some jerk walked in and yelled, "Nice try Bearded! Remember...once a freak ALWAYS a freak!"

That's all I have so far. Let me know in the comments if you have any questions for her.

The Avengers Was Terrible. Big Letdown In East Whiteland Theater.

I don't know why I even thought I would like The Avengers. The only super hero/comic book movie I ever really liked was Sin City.

But I'm probably the only person in America that didn't like it because on Rotten Tomatoes it got a 90 plus from critics and common folk.

Why did I hate it? First off, it was boring. I also can't stand the stupid dialog. Here's an example:

Captain America: We need a plan of attack.

Iron Man: I have a plan. Attack. (then he attacks and everyone cheers).

The fight scenes are also absurd. Except for Iron Man (and maybe the Hulk) how can the others have a 25 minute fight scene and not get a scratch on them? They do have skin you know.

And as for the "humor", everytime a "joke" would be be told there would be people in the audience that would guffaw as if it was the funniest thing they'd every heard. Trust me, if they were at home they wouldn't be laughing at at all. But that's a pet peeve of mine too. People who laugh extra loud in theaters because they want to draw attention to themselves.

OK. If you thought it was good tell me why. I won't cut you down.

Crisco. Does Anyone Still Use It? Crisco Disco.

Do people still use Crisco? Do they still make it? I don't know.

When I was a kid my mom would use it to fry chicken. Boneless of course. She never fried chicken parts like they do in the South. (Like that black chick on that movie that I can't think of the name of right now).

I think I may need to pick up some of this Crisco and see if it still holds up.

And my other recollection of Crisco is the phrase "Crisco disco" which is a bunch of gay dudes rubbing Crisco all over themselves and going to town. Not sure who made that phrase up.

OK. That's all I got for you today. Sorry.

PLACE YOUR BETS FOR THE KENTUCKY DERBY!

It's here! The Kentucky Derby!

And I'm giving you all an imaginary $1000 to bet on the 2012 Kentucky Derby. Just leave your picks in the comments section. You can place your bets as a Win, Place or Show. No fancy ass confusing bets.

I'm going to add my bets a bit later after I study the field.

After the race come back and see how you did. If I can figure it out I'll add your actual money won tomorrow.

Click here to get a list of the horses and current odds.

Good luck chumps.

Elvis Did Not Die in 1977. He Lives In PA. Yearbook.

Did Elvis die in 1977?

Nope.

He was a janitor in my high school. You don't believe me? How do explain this?....

I'm Thinking of Becoming A Caricature Artist. West Chester Man Has Talent.

I'm thinking about setting up a caricature artist business. You know..where you set up an art easel, get some magic markers and hang out at a place with lots of people? You know. Think I'll wear a beret. Call myself Pierre. And write, "Classically trained" or something like that on my art supply box.

Not sure if I want to go to Philly or not. Hmm. Maybe I'll start local and plan a move once I work some of the kinks out.

Then when I get my customers I'll start drawing. Just go to town.

Me: You have such an interesting face.

Person: (all flattered and shit) Really?

Me: Oh yes. Real character...OK a few lines here...

Person: Why thank you.

Me: Silence!...I need to concentrate... (holds thumb up to person then goes back to drawing)

Friend of Person: (whispers to person being drawn) I think this is going to be good. Look at his level of concentration.

Person: (whispering to friend) I wonder if he sells frames too?

Me: And a few subtle finishing touches....Annnnnnnddddd...DONE! I give you...ART!

Then I'll turn it around and it will always reveal.......

Something.....

A little.......

like this......

A crappy drawing of a probiscus monkey.

Doghouse Burgers Hot Dog. Best In Chester County. Beer Pricing.

The hot dog in the picture above might not look appetizing but it was. I got it at Doghouse Burgers in Downingtown. I forget what they call this variation but it's a really thick, grilled hot dog with mustard, sauerkraut and caramelized onions.

Oh baby!

Not too crazy about the pricing though. $5.50 for that thing! Come on Doghouse Burgers. You should really lower the price to $4.50 at tops. But on the upside, when I was sitting there stewing about the price I looked up at the menu board and saw that a large cup of fries was only $2.00! And that's cheap! So it all evened out. I do recommend this place for the hot dogs. To tell you the truth it's probably the best hot dog in Chester County come to think of it. Even better than Jimmy John's. (Which I'm not to crazy about because the skins are way too thick for my taste).

And speaking of pricing, I know a one dollar difference isn't THAT much but it's just something that gets under my skin. Especially with a beer.  A five dollar imperial pint (20 oz) is fine. A $5 US 16 oz pint can be OK. A $5 12 oz beer is bullshit. And a $5 10 oz beer (Teca in West Chester) should be a crime!

I hate that place (Teca). Overpriced. Especially for the attitude of that lot.