Exton Fair. Carnies. Man Prepares Interview For Bearded Lady.

They're here! The carnies have arrived in Exton (right near the Exton Mall) to set up and work a fair. Which means I'm working up a few questions for an interview I'm hoping to get with the bearded lady. Here are a few:

- Did you ever shave half of the beard and turn sideways then some dudes were at a bar and were like, "Hey babe how about I buy you a drink?" Then you turned your head slightly and he was like, "DEAR JESUS!!"

- Do you ever brush you beard at night in your carny trailer while wearing your nightie and you have to brush like 100 strokes or something to keep it looking pretty. And the rhythm of the brushing gets you humming a song then the sword swallower or the strong man or something bangs the thin wall from his trailer and yells, "KEEP IT DOWN! I'M TRYING TO GET SOME SHUT EYE!" How does that make you feel?

- Did you ever hook up with a local who had been drinking and you were making out then he pulled away and just said, "I'm sorry. You're nice and all but I just...I just can't do this!" Then he ran out? Not even stopping to pick up his shoes?

- Did a friend ever sit you in a chair and say, "Now you just stay put and I'm going to pretty you up." Then she tied little ribbons in your beard and said, "OK that should do it!" And you turned around to the mirror and were just about to smile when some jerk walked in and yelled, "Nice try Bearded! Remember...once a freak ALWAYS a freak!"

That's all I have so far. Let me know in the comments if you have any questions for her.

I Just Got Yelled At By A Carny!

Once and a while I'll get a comment on a blog post that I wrote a long time ago. For example I wrote a post about these dancers that were on Soul Train and how one of the dancers look all nervous and shit?...Well the actual dancer left a message saying he was NOT nervous.

So this weekend I got a comment on one of my favorite blog posts. It's called Top 10 Things I Need to Know About Carny Housing. To read the post click here.

Did you see the comment at the very end? Yup. That's one pissed off Carny. Here's the comment in case you want to read it again:

Hi, im a South African that got recruited to work and travel in America for a carnival over 8 months. We are the biggest carnival company called North American Midway Entertainment. Yes those are what out bunks look like. Most of us come from farms or cities just like u do. Ordinary people exploring a new country. We are hundreds of employees from different countries. Ever wonder how those rides get set up and torn down every week? We are not filthy animals living in a shoe box. We take pride in ourselves and what we do. Of course u get the dodgy few but u do in almost every work place. And about the gypseys, there are none. When last have u been to a carnival? Do u eat at a carnival? Why buy food from stinky dirty carnies? Your all so ignorant its pathetic

Not too shabby huh? And only a few errors. But it did make me feel a bit bad. And I have a feeling he actually hates gypsies.

Top 10 Things I Need To Know About Carny Housing

You should feel very privileged my dear reader because you are looking at an amazing photo. The picture above is an actual "Carny Hotel" on wheels. You might remember my gripping coverage of Downingtown's Good Neighbor Day this Summer. This photo is from the same day. I just didn't think that most of you were mature enough to handle it - but you've come a long way.

Anyways, I have so many questions about this mini Carny hotel that I thought I'd draft a letter to the carnival company to get some answers. My question are:

1) Why do the outer doors not have locks? Are locks earned or are those rooms reserved for the strong - "can take care of themselves" - type of Carny?

2) Did anyone ever try to drill a glory hole in one of the "hotel" walls? If they did, did any of the wise cracker Carny's pull any practical jokes with the glory hole?

3) How do the really fat chicks that the Carny's pick up fit through those thin doors? Do the other Carny's have to run up and push her in - using their bodies like a battering ram?.. "on three fellows, one..two..three"...You know what I mean.

4) Did a midget Carny ever request to have a slide installed instead of those steps? And you obliged because you thought it would be funny to watch him slide down it?

5) When you're driving down the highway, do any of the freaky looking Carny's....let me rephrase that....do any of the Carny's ever pull the door curtain open with a knife, then creepily look at some kid in a car, then they pretend to slit their throat as if telling the kid they're going to slit the kids' throat? ...WAIT...I'M NOT DONE....then, the kid starts yelling to his dad that a Carny threatened to kill him and the dad says, "Nonsense Timmy, there aren't any Carny's in the trailer - probably just horses - or chairs."

6) Do the Gypsy Carnys give you more trouble than the normal Carny's?

7) Did one of the trailers ever REALLY stink? Then when you finally checked it out, one of the fat Carny chicks had been hiding all of these funnel cake plates and cheese dogs sticks under her cot that she'd been stealing for years?

8)

Did a Carny, trying to make the best of their situation ever try to make their Carny room nice buy fixing it up and putting up curtains and pictures? And when they proudly showed it to the other Carny's, one jerk Carny said, "No amount of fancy curtains and decorations gonna change the fact that use is livin' in a travelin' jail cell.

9) When you hear someone in a non carnival situation referring to the smell of urine, do you always butt in and say, "Lady, you want to know about urine soaked - just try cleaning one of my hotel Carny rooms on a hot day in July. Now dat's urine smell!"

10) Did you ever think about letting normal people step into one of the Carny rooms? And charge money for it? You know - like a spook house. If so, are you looking for investors? I might be able to help you out.

Do you have questions? Please add them in the comments section.