You should feel very privileged my dear reader because you are looking at an amazing photo. The picture above is an actual "Carny Hotel" on wheels. You might remember my gripping coverage of Downingtown's Good Neighbor Day this Summer. This photo is from the same day. I just didn't think that most of you were mature enough to handle it - but you've come a long way.
Anyways, I have so many questions about this mini Carny hotel that I thought I'd draft a letter to the carnival company to get some answers. My question are:
1) Why do the outer doors not have locks? Are locks earned or are those rooms reserved for the strong - "can take care of themselves" - type of Carny?
2) Did anyone ever try to drill a glory hole in one of the "hotel" walls? If they did, did any of the wise cracker Carny's pull any practical jokes with the glory hole?
3) How do the really fat chicks that the Carny's pick up fit through those thin doors? Do the other Carny's have to run up and push her in - using their bodies like a battering ram?.. "on three fellows, one..two..three"...You know what I mean.
4) Did a midget Carny ever request to have a slide installed instead of those steps? And you obliged because you thought it would be funny to watch him slide down it?
5) When you're driving down the highway, do any of the freaky looking Carny's....let me rephrase that....do any of the Carny's ever pull the door curtain open with a knife, then creepily look at some kid in a car, then they pretend to slit their throat as if telling the kid they're going to slit the kids' throat? ...WAIT...I'M NOT DONE....then, the kid starts yelling to his dad that a Carny threatened to kill him and the dad says, "Nonsense Timmy, there aren't any Carny's in the trailer - probably just horses - or chairs."
6) Do the Gypsy Carnys give you more trouble than the normal Carny's?
7) Did one of the trailers ever REALLY stink? Then when you finally checked it out, one of the fat Carny chicks had been hiding all of these funnel cake plates and cheese dogs sticks under her cot that she'd been stealing for years?
Did a Carny, trying to make the best of their situation ever try to make their Carny room nice buy fixing it up and putting up curtains and pictures? And when they proudly showed it to the other Carny's, one jerk Carny said, "No amount of fancy curtains and decorations gonna change the fact that use is livin' in a travelin' jail cell.
9) When you hear someone in a non carnival situation referring to the smell of urine, do you always butt in and say, "Lady, you want to know about urine soaked - just try cleaning one of my hotel Carny rooms on a hot day in July. Now dat's urine smell!"
10) Did you ever think about letting normal people step into one of the Carny rooms? And charge money for it? You know - like a spook house. If so, are you looking for investors? I might be able to help you out.
Do you have questions? Please add them in the comments section.