You're Not Going to Believe What I Wrote on June 22nd!

Here are some more Tweets that I wrote that crack me up. Which is your favorite? Enjoy your laughter because the last one is going to freak you the hell out.

CNN reporting that Billy Mays requested all people attending his funeral speak through bullhorns.Naaa.I just made that up

short dude walking down street looks like part regular person and part midgit. i shall call him a ridgit

Guess how many amusement park rides Karl Malden had in is front yard? Zero! I shit you not! AND he never owned a chimp. EVER!!

I hereby challenge Lil' Wayne to spell the word "retarded". If he can't spell it, my case will be closed

someone..once and for all...needs to do a scientific classification of skanks. if anything..it would make a great poster.

wonder if there's a guy named cornhole Carl? but he goes by Cc....until you get to know him...

tip for foreigners. don't say your lady lips look like lips of Jimmy Carter but this much classier.

a plastic glove just floated in front of my car. that has to be a sign.

HOLY SHIT! Look at that last one! I wrote that on June 22nd!! 3 days before Michael Jackson died. Don't believe me? Go check my Tweets. Holy crap, I'm getting the chills. Maybe I'm like Nostradamus!