Saint Francis of Assisi In Norristown, Porn Staches and More!

So I was at my cousin's funeral on Saturday. It was the fourth family funeral this year. It was at Saint Assisi in Norristown. I think I need to spend more time in church because whenever I do I just see things that I might not normally notice. Here are a few:

- The alter looked like it was designed by the set designer from The Planet of the Apes (see image above).

- The one statue looked like the guy from ABBA (the bearded one).

- The other large statue looked like it was holding a weird large ball. I turned to my bother and whispered, "You never really do see the Patron Saint Of Volleyball in statue form do you?" - He couldn't stop laughing but I was able to talk myself down.

- The alter boy had a porn mustache.

- I was sitting directly behind my dad. I'm not sure who's cutting his hair but he needs to get his neck trimmed. It's the first time I saw him and thought that he reminded me of Matlock.

- Is there a name for the sing/talk thing that priests do? Do they rehearse it before hand? Are there albums available? I think I'd be pretty good at it.

Thanks Norristown Saint Francis of Assisi.

Random Thoughts About Being in Church Today For A Communion.

Today I was in church for my nephew's Communion. Here are some random thoughts:

- I was able to sit in the very back pew. Sweet.

- The sermon was about how sheep can be "really stupid animals and they'll always be stupid unless they have a shepherd. And a priest is a shepherd". Are you kidding me? I swear he said this.

- Some 14 year old girl was about to puke and her mom had to run her out of the church. She was waving to people to get out of the way.

- There was this hot lady that I met before at a business function and I was checking her out during the mass. She looked kind of sad though. Like Sarah Connor from the Terminator.

- When it was time to kneel I was trying to put the pew down and my brother whispered. "You've got to be kidding me?" I couldn't stop laughing the rest of the mass. And then I was thinking how I wanted to pass him a note saying how much Jesus hated him (courtesy of Pru) and it just got me laughing more.

- When the collection plate came around I was thinking, "there's no way I'm putting a dime in". The five year old in front of me was given a $20 bill to put in. Is that the going rate?

Gotta go. The Simpsons are on in five minutes.