Downingtown Farmers Market And Robot Hoax. Early Computers.

So Internet searcher - did you find this blog post because you had a bet with a friend that you were talking to a robot in the 80's at the Downingtown Farmers Market?

Well I've got some bad new for you. Calm down and have a seat.

..Let me explain this to my regular blog readers first. You see blog readers - years ago as I mentioned I worked at an audio store at the Downingtown Farmers Market. And we had a cheap version of a Mr Microphone.

Knowing the crap we were selling, it was probably called "Mizz Mikey" or "Mr Mike Talk" - because we sold mostly bootleg junk.

So we used to get really bored. And the owner didn't care if we drank beer while we worked so we were constantly screwing with people for the hell of it and to amuse ourselves. So we would take turns hiding behind the counter with the Mr Microphone bootleg device and screw with all of the hillbillies:

Me: (talking in robot voice) Attention Downingtown Farmers Market shoppers. My name is the Zarcon 5000 and I am a very advanced robot computer from Japan.

(hillbillies crowd into the store in amazement)

Hillbilly: OH MY GOD. What's going on?

Me: I see you. I'm a robot. By the way, I like that red, white and blue wolf t-shirt you are wearing.

Hillbilly: (looks down at his shirt) Oh my God! How can you see me?

Me: (remember -I'm still talking in robot voice) Look up at the large mirror. That is my electronical eye. I see all. Welcome to the Downingtown Farmers Market. And who is the snapping youngster next to you that is eating a funnel cake?

Hillbilly Kid: HE'S TALKING TO ME NOW!!!!

We would do this all night. Sometimes we would ask people to give us a math problem and we'd have a calculator behind the counter and tell them the answer. As if they really knew what 1034 times 345 was. But we'd tell them anyway.

One time I felt kind of bad because I was telling this 10 year old kid to stand on one foot, tap dance and imitate a chicken. Then his dad came up and grabbed him by the arm, "What the hell are you doing making an ass out of yourself?"

"No dad -it's a talking robot. It's the Zarcon 5000!"

The dad just looked at him and pulled him out of the store.

God I wish I had recorded those sessions.

So I guess what I'm trying to say to the hillbillies that fell for this and they went online to prove to their friends that they talked to an early robot in Downingtown ?....I'm afraid you just lost yourself a bet. Now hand over the jar of jam or the pocket knife or whatever it was that you lost in the bet. And from now on.....use your head. Don't believe everything you see.

Hee Haw. Johnny Cash. Backward Country Folk On TV.

When I was growing up and Hee Haw came on the TV, I would literally dive to turn the channel. Frankly, it sickened me. I wanted nothing to do with those hicks and their Country music or down on the farm "comedy".

But I just watched this Hee Haw clip and I was laughing. Laughing at how stupid it is but I was still laughing none the less. I kind of like the simplicity of the jokes. I wish there were video of the writers working on these bits. Now that would be really entertaining.

So check out this hokey clip which includes Johnny Cash*. And have a great Saturday night.



* For the record - I love Johnny Cash.

Dots A Good Von - Concerning Jive Turkey Sleeping Hillbilly

I love hearing great stories. A friend told me a great one the other night. Here's the tale in the words of my friend:

"So my brother is kind of like a hillbilly character. He lives in a trailer in Florida. So he's all drunk and he wonders out into a field behind the trailer park to play his banjo. The thing is, he's so drunk, he falls asleep."

"He said he was asleep for a few hours when BAM! This huge thing slammed into his chest like someone dropped something on him! He's like, 'what the hell?' He opens his eyes and it was a GOD DAMN TURKEY VULTURE! - the thing must have thought he was dead."

"So he looks over and there are two other vultures about ten feet from him and one circling above. What the fuck?"

I was laughing my ass off when he told me this. Seriously, what the hell? Could you imagine if that thing took a bite into him? The closest thing to this happening to me was when chickens and rooster would attack me when I was doing my paper route. Oh yeah....and a German Shepherd bit me on the ass while on that route too.

So does anyone have any good "When animals attack stories?" Let the comments begin.