Breaker Breaker. Can I Get a 10-20? Bears. The 70's.

CB radio salute!

Let's learn all the lingo!

Wear this baby with pride. Don't mind the spelling error of the word "What's."

Oh yeah they do. And what is she holding? Tiny underwear?

Everyone is getting in on the action.

And to read a CB related post I wrote click here. 

Wayne PA House And Letting Five Year Olds Go To The Park Alone. Turtles..

I had to go to a funeral last week and on the way we drove by the house I lived in until I was seven,. There it is above. It's in on the Mainline in Wayne, PA. It was about two minutes from the Devon Horse Show if you know where that is.

Then we drove by the park I used to go to that was right down the street. And it got me thinking how when I was five I was allowed to go to the park by myself. Can you imagine people today doing that?? Here are a few memories I have of that park:

- There was a little storage house where you go borrow balls, hula hoops, shuffle board sticks and the like. But I was terrified of going in because the older kids were known to turn off the lights and lock kids in. And by "older" they were probably nine year olds.

- I found a box turtle* near the woods and I brought it home. It had a red paint stripe on it. I kept it for a few months then my dad made me return it. I can't remember why he made me release a pet back into the wild. Maybe lettuce and hamburger prices (it's food) were skyrocketing in the early 70's? I'll need to Google that.

- There was a kid named John that lived across the street from the Park. He was in my first grade class. I used to go to his house once and a while. The last time I went is when I was at the park then crossed the street to see if he could come out. A stranger answered the door and the man said, "Oh that family moved a few days ago. We live here now." And then closed the door on me *cue sad trombone*

Huh?? Thanks for telling me John! Wherever you are. 

*FUN FACT:: Box turtles live their entire lives roaming no more than one square mile?

Lawrence Welk Is Doin' Some Tokin'! Weed Smoking Straights.

 Awww yeah. My man LW is endorsing toking. Progressive ass son of a bitch.

My Favorite Gift Ever. I Had This Panasonic Tape Recorder. Mayor McCheese.

There it is. The Panasonic tape recorder that I got in fourth grade. Do you know how much use I got out of this bad boy? Here are a few things I used it for:

- Leaned it against the TV and taped the early Saturday Night Lives. Then played the tapes over and over.

- Worked on my early imitations such as Mayor McCheese.

- Attached a Radio Shack phone jack to it and made prank phone calls to hot lines.

- Made scary noises and put it under siblings beds.

- Taped my friend Kyle getting yelled out by his dad when his dad got the $100 plus phone bill for the "free" hot lines that we called. (I convinced Kyle that they were free because, "Do you really think they're gonna charge mental people?")

.......AND MORE!

I miss recording stuff. I think I need to start using the voice recorder on my phone. Maybe to secretly record people. Or maybe just to hear conversations later that I forget about. Like when I'm out with people drinking and I'm being all funny and shit. Then next day I always wake up and think, "Man. I wish I could remember what I was saying that was cracking everyone up."

And below is Mayor McCheese in case you forgot what he looked like. And my imitation of him went a little.... like this *clears throat* It's McDonalds ya know!"

See? I told you it was good. 

A Lame Album I Had. Themes From Hit TV Shows. Rolling Stones 12 X 5.

Who the hell would buy THIS album?? Themes from Hit TV Shows.

*Zibbs slowly raises his hand*

I'm not kidding. Well to tell you the truth it could have been my sister that bought it. And if it wasn't lame enough the songs weren't even sung by the original artists!!!

I wish I could see all the old albums and 45's that we used to have when I was sixth grade and younger. We would play them over and over in my basement on this crappy green record player that my dad won in a sales contest. A few records were bought by my sisters like The Partridge Family but most were picked up by my mom at garage sales. She would just buy random records. Here are a few 45's I remember:

Walk Right In (then they say "sit right down" - not sure who sung it)
Poppa Got A Brand New Bag - James Brown
Judy in Disguise 
The Night Chicago Died
Seasons in the Sun
Bad, Bad Leroy Brown

Damn. I know there's more. I'll leave them in the comments section when they hit me.

And other than the usual square Dad records he did have a few rock albums but he never them played. He had a Paul Revere and the Raiders album and Rolling Stones album. 12 X 5 and Out of Our Heads.

OK now it's going to kill me that I can't remember more of those 45's because whenever I hear them on the radio it all comes back to me.  

Drug Dealer Scene In Boogie Nights. Duh! Alfred Molina.

Does anyone else love the movie Boogie Nights? It's so great. I remember seeing it in the theater and being blown away. And I've seen it now at least 15 times.

Do you know the drug dealer scene? It's so great right? Well I could never figure out who the drug dealer was. And I would never look it up when I was watching it. But I heard Jessie's Girl on the radio the other day and I stopped and looked it up. I KNEW IT! It's the dude that was in Spiderman 2! And a million other movies! Alfred Molina. Here's his IMDB page. I guess I was thrown off because he's so thin in Boogie Nights.

Case closed. And everything about this scene I love. Where do I even start. You just get sucked into it and you know something is going to happen. I've been in similar situations back in the day where I've been somewhere...sitting on the couch...knowing something weird is happening. Phew.

To see the scene click here.

Remember These? Sony Walkman. Motorola Bag Phone. Palm Pilot Vx.

What the hell is that product you ask? The Sony Walkman. Yup. I had one back in the day. Pretty life changing if you ask me. And look at those crappy headphones. And carry cassette tapes around? Yeah that was fun.

Oh how far we've come in 2012.

And here's another product I had around 1992. The Motorola Bag phone. Since I was an important, young executive back in those days and had a one hour commute I bought this in case of emergencies. This is how most people started calls back then, "It's me! I'm calling from THE CAR! ....No really. I'm in my car! Making a call! To you!"

Oh and the Palm Pilot Vx. I actually loved this product. I was one of the first to get it at work. Totally space age. Except using the stylus was a pain in the ass. But look at that sleek design. I kind of wish I saved a lot of my old devices but what am I going to do? Take them out of a box every five years and look at them?

Who Would YOU Like to Have Drinks With? Geri Jewell. David Doyle.Facts of Life.

Imagine if I could arrange a night of drinks with you and a washed up annoying celebrity. And before you get excited YOU'RE paying. Would that "celebrity" be.....

Geri Jewell (the one on the left) from The Facts of Life? (note how she doesn't know where the camera is. Also, a little support I think is needed in the chestal area)

Your second choice is David Doyle from Charlie's Angels. Remember, you'll have to listen to that voice of his while trying not to stare at his mole.

And lastly, this chick from the show Alice. I forget her name right now. Probably because I couldn't stand that show. Except I always found it funny that people thought the catchphrase, "Mel, Kiss My Grits" was funny. So edgy.

And once you pick your celebrity please feel free to tell me what types of questions you would ask them. And other important details. Perhaps you would present Geri Jewell with some cerebral palsy jokes that she could use in her act like, "I'm looking for a fwend named Wattle and Woll so we can be like a Bill Haley and the Comets song. Shake, Wattle and Woll. I'll be Shake. Get it?"*

OK tell me that joke is not as good or better than one of her jokes. Hmmm? Hmmm?

*When presenting this "joke" to Geri it's important to tell it while standing up. Then, once you deliver the killer punch line you have to smile with satisfaction and wait for laughter. You may be waiting for a bit but....+

Leisure Suit Round Up. 70s Style! (As if there's another style)

Check out these cherry leisure suits. Which is your favorite? 

 "See that babe Mike? She was looking at me. Nothing attracts a woman like a man who knows the value and style that only Sears can offer. It's all about the threads."

Bet you can't pick the one who just got out of jail the week before without changing your mind twice.

Eric: (To big brother John) Hey John  look at the new suit mom got me for the dance. Pretty boss huh??

John:  (Emerges from room. Stoned. Gives younger brother elevator eyes): Fag.

"Excuse me. Excuse me!..Hey.Girl working in the field. ...Hi. I'm Saul. I was just walking down this country lane and thought I'd come over and introduce myself. Wanna have a rap session? I bet you like horses don't you?"

I Hereby Endorse The French Onion Soup At Panera. 70's Food.

Oh yeah. Here's the French onion soup I had at Panera* the other day. And it was deeeeeeeeliiiiiiiiissshhhh!

I'm more of a fan with it in a crock and with the cheese bubbling over the sides but this version was really good. You don't see French onion soup too often do you? It was big in the 70's and 80's but I rarely see it on menus. I hope it's making a comeback.

And got me thinking about some other foods that were popular in restaurants growing up but are rarely seen. Like Beef Wellington (which I've never had) and chocolate mousse. Oh and another thing that I love that I still make. I little dish known as clams casino. I do them with cherry stone clams then add minced shallots, garlic, pepper and some bacon on top. That's the stuff. Haven't seen that on a menu in a while.

*The sandwich I got was not great. A turkey sandwich with bacon. The bread is just too thick. But I did have a few bites of what my date was eating. Potato soup and mac and cheese. Yum.

Who Do You Want To Go To The Dance With? 70's Tiger Beat.

OK. Oh my God! You can pick one person from this Tiger Beat to go to the big dance. Who do you choose?

I pick Marie!

Hooked On A Feeling. Three Versions.

In case you forgot. Do NOT Hassel the Hoff!....



But here is the version I really like from BJ Thomas. Come on. Lets dance. Don't be shy.



And then of course you have the version from Blue Swede with the "Hooga Chocka." A bit racist if you ask me.



Which one do you guys like best?

Shasta ? More Like Nasta. 70's Pee Soda. West Whiteland.

I bet the parents of my neighbor's Hicknut and Dukey had this conversation with them:

"Kids. We have an announcement. Your mother and I have been thinking of a way we can show that we don't love you. Instead of the obvious abuse or neglect we've decided to get more creative and simply declare this house a SHASTA* HOUSE! That's right. Only Shasta soda for you and your friends."

Man that stuff was God awful. So when I went to their house to play Intellivision or go on their CB radio I was forced to drink Shasta. And it was always warm too. They just sat it in cases next to the fridge. And someone would just rip a hole in the plastic so you had to reach in to get your crappy soda.

We would pour it into these orange plastic cups and plop a few freezer burned ice cubes in.

Oh yeah that helped.

And check out this Shasta commercial. Their selling point is that it doesn't have tons of bubbles like other sodas. Wha wha whaaaaat?? They're bragging that it's stale?



*FUN FACT: Shasta has been around since 1889. The same year as the Statue of Liberty.

Hot Dog Cooker We Had In The 70's and MORE! Dad Being An A-hole.

I remember when I was a kid we got this hot dog cooker like the one above. It had a domed lid but this is the only picture I could find. You held the hot dogs in by putting them in these prongs. I'm not sure if we got it with those green stamps or from a sales contest my Dad won but I remember that when my Dad took it out of the box it was a big deal. Probably because it was so space age looking.

Of course my Dad probably said, "Now this thing isn't it toy!"

"Oh it's not Dad? Oh OK. I was going to take it up the street and see if anyone wanted to have a catch with it." I think it lasted a few months till someone said, "Why don't we just BOIL hotdogs?"

In my search for hotdog makers I did come across a few others. Like the one below. A bit fruity if you ask me but...


Then you got the hot dog toaster. Oooh broooother! So stupid. "We've got to feed 12 people hot dogs? No problem. Let me just get started here by popping two of these bad boys in. There we go. You don't want your roll toasted? Oh I'm sorry it toasts rolls so that's how you'll have to have it. You'll be fine."



But for some reason I really hate this one below. I can picture the guy getting it and trying to act all cool while taking it out of the box to show his family. Like a big shot. "Now THIS is a hot dog maker. Talk about 'take me out to the ballgame.' Am I right? Hmmm? Hmmm?" (as he nudges little Timmy.)

Then he tries to organize hot dog night in the den but his family doesn't give a shit. "Dad I'm going to the movies with Karen I won't be at hot dog night"

"GOD DAMN IT! Yes you WILL be at hot dog night!...MARY ANN I'LL HANDLE THIS! Just bring the condiments into the den and everyone pull up their chairs while I put my apron on. Jesus Christ!

My Phobia May Sound Retarded To You. Hugging.

Do you know what my phobia is?

Retarded people.

Not so much anymore, but when I was younger. And no, it wasn't their apelike strength that scared me. You see, as a lad I was very shy and I think my fear was that they would approach me and want to come up and hug me. Making a huge spectacle. And everyone would look at me.

Like I'd be at a mall or something and I'd hear a commotion. Then I'd round the corner and a retarded person (usually a mongoloid) would see me, stop in his tracks, and for some reason want to hug me. He would then start walking through the crowd, pushing people out of the way and clapping and saying something like, "Mikey! Mikey!"...like he confused me for someone named Mikey.

People would be watching him approach. Some pulling their children in closer. I'd be paralyzed with fear and then...the hugging would begin. And he would be petting my hair, "Wemember dat time that we went da fair? Do you wemember dat Mikey? Do you? ..What's wong Mikey?"

And I'd just stand there, pretending it wasn't happening as people watched.

"What's going on over there?"

"I don't know. From the looks of it some retarded character just found his friend Mikey."

Something like that.

I'm Glad I Don't Have A Pencil Thin Mustache. Andy Devine.

Here's the song Pencil Thin Mustache by Jimmy Buffet. I never even knew there was a video until five minutes ago. Did you?

I've included the lyrics below so you can learn them and not sing the wrong words next time.
Like you always do. Admit it.

And if you really want to know what all of the references are about in the song, click here.

I've got to tell you that I like Jimmy Buffet and I've seen him in concert but some of those Parrot Heads are complete nerds. Their own unique breed of nerd too. Not all of them, but a lot of them.

Am I wrong?




Now they make new movies in old black and white,
With happy endings, where nobody fights,
So if you find yourself in that nostalgic rage,
Honey, jump right up and show your age.

I wish I had a pencil-thin mustache,
the "Boston Blackie" kind, or a
two-toned Ricky Ricardo jacket,
and an autographed picture of Andy Divine.

Oh, I remember bein' buck toothed and skinny
Writin' fan letters to Sky's niece Penny.
Oh, I wish I had a pencil-thin mustache,
then I could solve some mysteries too.
Oh it's Bandstand, Disneyland, growin' up fast,
Drinkin' on a fake I.D.
And Rama of the jungle was everyone's Bawana,
But only jazz musicians were smokin marijuana.
Yeah, I wish I had a pencil-thin mustache,
then I could solve some mysteries too.

But then it's flat-top, dirty bop, copin' a feel'
grubbin on the living room floor;
They send you off to college to try to gain
a little knowledge,
But all you want to do is learn how to score.
Yeah, but now I'm gettin' old, don't wear underwear,
I don't go to church, and I don't cut my hair;
But I can go to movies and see it all there,
Just the way that it use to be.

That's why I wish I had a pencil-thin mustache
the "Boston Blackie" kind, or a
two-toned Ricky Ricardo jacket,
And an autographed picture of Andy Divine.

Oh, I could be anyone I wanted to be,
Maybe suave Eerol Flynn or the Sheik of Araby.
If I only had a pencil-thin mustache,
then I could do some cruising too.

Yeah, Brylcream, a little dab'll do yah,
Oh, I could do some cruising too.

It's Been Too Long. Lawrence Welk. Love Will Keep Us..

Fuck this shit!

I haven't played any Lawrence Welk in ages on this here blog. This is for you Gage. Ladies and Gentleman...Love Will Keep Us Together*:



*I'm too lazy to look but I MAY have played this video before.

Some Things I've Been Paid To Do. Jobs. Chicken Attack.

Here's a random list of things that I've been paid to do. Most are jobs but a few aren't technically jobs. And most are in order.

- Kissed an Aunt
- Picked up apples for Nana
- Paperboy (was pecked at by chickens and bitten on the ass by a dog)
- Babysitter
- Pamphlet hander outer (in doors)
- Sold flowers on the corner (fucking dangerous at times)
- Customized calendars for plumbing company with calligraphy
- Helped kids learn how to do archery
- Busboy
- Dishwasher (was forced to pluck a chicken one time outside in heatwave)
- Food prep guy
- Telemarketer (used to make prank phone calls when manager left room)
- Sales clerk at audio store at a Farmers Market
- Drove sports cars to New Jersey to be sold at auction
- Participant in a medical "cold study" (drank the whole weekend)
- Factory worker
- Loaded 18 wheeler trucks with boxes
- Sold illegal things
- Business cleaner
- Standup comic
- Product Development Manager and Director for a giftware companies
- Business owner
- Sold things on Ebay and Half.com
- Sales/Marketing

And I'm sure I'm going to think of more. I'll ad them to the comments.

So what did you slackers do?

I Found That Photo I Was Looking For! International Fashion.

Most of you are pussies when someone asks, "Hey! Who wants to look International?"

Not me though - as seen by the picture above. That's me on the left there in the vest type number. So many years ago. The other two guys are my friends Toby and Edwin. And of course Edwin's pain the ass girlfriend Sarah. What a bitch. Well, she was OK but whenever we'd go out and try and get all International she'd insist on tagging along.

And..it kind of doesn't work when you're trying to pick up ladies but you already have a lady hanging out. You know what I mean? It's like Toby used to say, "Istanbul, Milan and Lima don't need no Mumbai ruining things" (those were our nicknames).

Sometimes we would just go places and stand in the pose that you see above (and are totally me and my friends - not models).

Chicks would come up to us asking about our International clothes. And we'd just start rattling off jibberish and try and make it like we knew how to speak some of the crazy and unimportant non English languages - peppering the sentences with English words so at least they KIND OF knew what we were talking about. Like. "Mooga Booga - you wanna toucha your hand here..Francois?" You know...stuff like that.

Those were the days.

Some Dude Commented On My Eight Is Enough Post. TV Songs.

I love getting random comments on my blog from Anonymous people.

It's usually from people that don't have blogs but they find my blog through a Google search. And they're always pissed off.

For example, take a look at this post when I discussed the theme from Eight is Enough.

And here's the comment I got last night:

"No offense, but everyone who has made a degrading comment about the 8 IS ENOUGH theme song has done so for a lack of insight and are products of our seedy pop culture. The song was nice and so was the show. I'm a Judas Priest fan, for heaven sake, and even I can see that. Incidentally, in latter seasons I think they re-recorded the theme song and Goodeve throttled back on the vibrato and the song was'nt as hyper-pure sounding as it had been, and was better. And nevertheless, that show was your last crack at the wholesomeness of the American dream being prime-timed across your screen, so happy sailing if you really think that's a good thing. You freaks probably like hip-hop."

Uhhh. Yeah OK buddy.