Why Does This Make Me Laugh? Intruder Looks In The Window At Lady.

This picture was on comedian Rob Delaney's website and I have no idea why it makes me laugh so hard.

Here's another angle:

HA!.

Thoughts On Single Women Wanting To Get Laid. Sarah Tiana. Picking Up Women In Hotel Bars.

Does that woman above look familiar? Her name is Sarah Tiana and she's a comic. I've heard her on a few podcasts and thought she seemed super sweet and cool. And she's funny. Smart. Cute.

Well she was on Ari Sharrif's podcast* and although they've been friends for 10 years he had no idea that she wasn't the innocent girl he thought she was. Because she revealed that she constantly hooks up with guys. And she doesn't just go out to a bar and then hook up with a guy she accidentally meets. She goes to places specifically to meet a guy to hook up with. And she goes out by herself.

And it brings up the whole discussion of why is nothing negative thought of men when they sleep around but women are considered sluts? I personally don't think that way but a lot of people do. And she made no apologies for it either. She also said she doesn't hook up with just any guy. If the guy doesn't dress well there's no chance. And if she really likes the guy and there is a chance that they might date she won't sleep with him either. Her whole attitude is that, "I want to get laid so I go out and meet a guy for that reason."

And here's where she totally won me over. Her favorite place to meet someone to hook up with? Hotel bars. I totally agree! The people there are traveling through, they usually have good jobs and there is a room nearby. And may I add that if there is a trade show in town or a convention that your odds go up. It will all be in my "How to meet women"** book if I ever decide to write it (I'll probably just publish it as an ebook).

Oh and she also has a quality that I love in women. She loves sex but you would have no idea just looking at her or having a random conversation with her. 

So what are your thoughts on this?

*For a link to the podcast episode click here.
**Quick tip for meeting someone at a hotel bar: When you walk into a bar do a quick scan and see if there is someone attractive sitting alone. If there's a seat next to them sit there and say hi right away. If there isn't, sit where they can see you. But before you do that stand up for a bit until they see you then smile at them. And if there is something weird on TV or a loud annoying person there you can give her a non verbal expression of, "What the hell is THAT about?" Then you won't feel as nervous when you walk over and talk to her. Pretty obvious but you have to be always thinking people.

Podcasts and Tune In Radio. Nick and Artie. Dana Gould.

Does anyone use the "Tune In" App*? I love it. It's free radio from around the world. I've been listening to a lot of oldies and classic rock from the UK. I like hearing the more obscure songs that they play over there.

And I also love listening to podcasts. Let me know what you listen to because I'm looking to add some more. Here are some I like (Sorry, no links will be supplied)

Nick and Artie - Love this. It's supposed to be a sports talk show but they only talk about sports half the time. Artie as you might know is from the Stern show. Nick is a comic. Even if you don't like sports I bet you'll like this.

Adam Carolla Show - This is the top podcast on Itunes. Funny. I'm still waiting to hear somebody with a "It's just a waste of my time" ringtone."

WTF with Marc Maron - Comedian Marc Maron interviews mostly comedians from his garage. He's a great interviewer but he annoys me. I still don't get how he's a comedian because I've listened to over 50 hours and only laughed once at anything he's said.

The Stranger Podcast with Dan Savage - Gay dude gives sex advice. Interesting to listen to freaky people call in. Annoying though how he tries to normalize everything. I don't care what people do but he acts as if you don't agree with every lifestyle you're a hater. I don't wish any transvestites harm but I saw a 6' 3" one at the Exton Mall the other day and that dude was a freak. Walking around with his halter top and little purse. I would never laugh in his face or stare but I will say it will always look ridiculous. So put THAT in your pipe and smoke it.

Dana Gould - I love this one but he rarely puts new episodes out. Get on it Dana!

Andy Dick's "The Sh&t Show" - Funny and freaky but he hasn't put a new episode out in a while.

Things You Didn't Learn in History Class - Is what it sounds like. 

And to tell you the truth there are a bunch more but I don't have my ipod with me and that's where they're stored. I need to add them to my "Tune In" favorites. I'll add the additional ones to the comments later.
So any suggestions for me?

*Just search "Tune In" on your device.

Look! I Made Some Custom Cards At Somecards!

Here are a few custom cards I made over at Somecards.com.

What do you think?

This Kind Of Picture Makes Me Laugh Out Loud. Greek God.

This kind of picture just cracks me up. A person in a weird mask. This is my son in second grade. I just found it. I said to him, "I don't remember this. What are you supposed to be?"

"Some kind of Greek god we had to make up."

Ha! Look at it. Pretty creepy if you ask me.

Thoughts About The Movie Ted. East Whiteland Theater.

I saw the movie Ted the other day. I give it 7 out of 10 stars. There are some hysterical parts where I was laughing like crazy. But just like The Family Guy so much of it just tries to be outrageous and it gets annoying. And as usual the blow hards in the theater that were guffawing and over laughing at everything were making me ill. (And repeating lines as if nobody heard the line).

And having Set MacFarlane do the voice of Ted was distracting the entire movie because it's the exact voice of Peter Griffin (Family Guy). And they even made a joke about it but still..stupid choice. I do think he is brilliant but he just goes over the top too often and it bothers me when people laugh at the obvious jokes but the not the really funny jokes that are subtle.

Other thoughts:

- Giovanni Ribisi was GREAT! Great creepy character!

- I love that Norah Jones was in it. Her new haircut is cute. I still need to see her in concert.

- If you were a Flash Gordon (from the 80's) fan you'll love this movie because Sam J. Jones was in it. His scenes are so funny.

- There's a part where Mila Kunis has to pick up a poop that had me rolling on the floor.

So did any of you see it? And it made $54 million! I knew it was going to make a lot. I think it will make at least $200 million by the end of July.

Strangers with Candy. Eat The Brisket. Noblet.

My favorite show ever. Strangers with Candy. Look at this compilation of God damn it!



And the famous Eat the brisket scene with Stu the meat man.



And here's a compilation of Noblet and food.

Ben Stiller Melrose Heights. Andy Dick.

One of my favorite comedy series I have on DVD that I can watch over and over is the Ben Stiller Show. Have you seen it?? Check this sketch out:



..and Andy Dick has a great podcast if you didn't know. It's on itunes. Check it out.

Something To Cheer You Up. Van Der Beek.

When you're in a meeting today....

And things are really intense.....

Try not to laugh.....

When you think of this:

Who Else Loves Bobby Bitman and Sammy Maudlin? And Skip.

This might be my favorite SCTV sketch of all time. Except Sammy Maudlin didn't do his classic laugh in this one where bangs his hands in between his thighs.

And I miss my man John Candy.

Foster Brooks Roasting Rickles. Comedians. 1970's.

I was just looking for Don Rickles stuff on Youtube and came across this Dean Martin roast of Foster Brooks roasting Don Rickles. Oh my God I was tearing up laughing.

What do you think?

I Wished I Had A Monkey AND My Pappy Out Of Jail. And Chicken.

As you probably know I love searching the Youtube. Here's a short clip of the guys from Our Gang. And pisses me off that ANYTHING these days is called racist. This 15 second clip is from the 30's and the comments are loaded with "This is racist" because of what Steimy said.

I don't know. What do you think?

And whatever you think you gotsa admit those kids were cute. (All DEAD now. I think)

Chinese Lady Had Me Cracking Up! Silent, Shoulder Shaking Laughing.

I was at the library today and I was on the computer and there was a super loud lady giving a Chinese lady English lessons. As in teaching her how to speak English. It's all you could hear because she was talking so loud.

And I started cracking up and almost had to leave because this happened:

Instructor: The word is "huge." Say it. "Huge."

Chinese Lady: Hoog.

Instructor: No. "Huge."

Chinese Lady: Hoog.

Instructor: Huge.

Chinese Lady: Hoog.

Instructor: No. Like this, "Huuuuuge."

Chinese Lady: Hooooog.

HAHA!! So I finally calm down from my silent, shoulder shaking laughing and I hear the instructor mention what a synonym was. But at first I thought she as saying "cinnamon" and thought she was going to make the Chinese woman say "cinnamon!"

HAHAHA!!! She can't get "huge" down and you're going to have her attempt "cinnamon????" WHAT THE HELL???

Then I couldn't stop laughing so I had to leave.

Movies. Backdraft, Chris Elliot with Little Hand and MORE!

A few random things about movies:

- I saw Final Destination 5. It was OK as expected but the special effects were unreal. Especially at the beginning when the bridge collapses. Great death scenes. I couldn't watch the scene where the chick goes to the eye doctor though because it skeeved me out too much.

- Watched Scary Movie 2 again on TV and it's still got some really funny parts. Every scene with Chris Elliot is hysterical. With his little hand. And he tries to touch everyone's face with his itty bitty hand? See picture above.

- For some reason I watched most of Backdraft on TV the other day. Oh brother what a piece of melodramatic crap. The most laughable being Billy Baldwin's character saying to Kurt Russell's character in the ambulance: "Hold on. Hold on you son of a bitch!" (when he thinks he's about to die)

- Rise of the Planet of the Apes - Holy crap did anyone see this?? The movie overall isn't great but the special effects on the apes is great! Oh my God.

So there you go.

Stand-up Nightmare and Book That You May Like. Comedians.

Yes. I know how to read. I’ve been reading a lot lately as a matter of fact. And one book I’d like to recommend is “I Killed: Top Stories of the Road from America’s Top Comics.”*

It’s basically stand-ups telling their favorite stories from traveling around the country doing comedy. Some of the stories are hysterical.

- Taking a dump in the comedy condo pool.
- Two comedians picked up a drunk chick and had sex with her. They realized the next day she wasn’t drunk. She was actually retarded. Whoops.
- One comedian picked up a chick and brought her back to her apartment. She wanted to be tied up so he did. Then he had to run to his car and get something but when he came back he forgot which apartment she was in. Haha. Guess who is was? Jay Leno! Do you believe that??

Many of the stories are about the nightmares of doing stand-up. Like bombing.

My worst nightmare when I did stand-up was when a fellow comic friend of mine started booking shows. So he booked a show at a college bar near Drexel University in Philly. The problem was that it was the day before Spring break so everyone was out to just party. They had no idea that a comedy show was supposed to even happen so it was like, “Attention everyone. The show is about to start. Hello? Could everyone please keep it down? The show is about to start.”

Oh. And the microphone wasn’t really working so only people five feet away could hear. Everyone was just standing around in groups talking. Drunk. Except five college frat douche bags that pulled chairs up to the front of the stage and as I walked out just started yelling, “You suck. You’re not funny. Nobody is listening.”

Literally the only people that could hear were these five guys. So I was like F this noise and left the stage. The dude booking it was like, “What are you doing? You can’t just walk off stage.”

I was like, “Fuck you Steve. Keep the $20.”

What a joke.

*If you’re local you can check it out of the Chester County Library.

Some Movies I''ve Seen Lately Mostly in Downingtown. Kristen Wiig is Cute.

A few movies I've seen in order of worst to best.

The Hangover 2 - Terrible. What a rip off of the first. I want my money back. And Mike Tyson singing was the most unwatchable thing I've seen on film all year.

Bad Teacher - Some laughs. One of those movies that you'll stop and watch once it's on TV and you're flipping around. And how did Jason Segel start to get all these roles? He's kind of hard to look at. Am I wrong?

Green Lantern - Do you think I actually would sit through this movie that looks like a video game? From what I saw from the trailer? The special effects look too fake. Noooo friggin' thank you!

Horrible Bosses - Some pretty good laughs. Not great but pretty good. And I never thought Jennifer Aniston was hot but she's SUPER hot in this. I think it was the slutty eye makeup.

Super 8 - I really liked this. It felt like an old time Spielberg movie. And I like that it took place in the 70's.

Bridesmaids - Really funny. And I predict that Kristen Wiig (see picture above) is going to be in a lot of movies because of this. She super adorable. Nothing like a really funny cute girl. So rare.

So did you guys see any of these? And has 2011 been bad for movies or what?

A Vegas Story From A Follower. Goodship Lollipop.

After I posted yesterday’s Vegas story a Twitter friend emailed me saying she also had a “couldn’t stop cracking up in Vegas” story. She said she laughed so hard that she wet her pants. Of course I asked her to email me the story. She wants to remain anonymous* (probably because of the shame) but here it is. Tis a good one:

We were up all night partying and ended up in the casino restaurant where all the old people were having breakfast.

Somehow or another I convinced my bff to walk over and do the Goodship Lollipop dance in front of this older couple who were innocently eating breakfast.

She did it (no surprise, she's nuts) and the old guy started yelling at her to get away from them...but that wasn't gonna happen because she knew I was gonna wet my pants.

She continued dancing doing the arms and everything and he took a swipe at her with his butter knife. That's when I had to leave the scene. She followed me to the elevator yelling at me that she got stabbed because of me and I literally had my legs crossed cuz it was coming.

She actually had a big butter swipe on the front of her pants.

We fall out of the elevator and she left me in the corridor and as she backed out, she shut the big double doors majestically and bowed out with a "aaaaaaaand goodnight" and it was over. Full on peed in my pants.

Then we get back to the room, I shower (she watched....just kidding!) and when I came out hotel security was in our room...that's a whole different hilarious story...oh Vegas.

*If she changes her mind she can always out herself in the comments section.

A Special Announcement Concerning A New Blog. Trina.

Let's face it. Blogging isn't what it used to be. What I mean is that the interaction with people is not what it used to me. Twitter is really where it's at for that.

And back in the day I used to promote blogs if I really liked them. Long time readers know this.

Well guess what? My favorite person on Twitter that cracks me up daily just started a blog. I kind of encouraged her to do it. I've done that to a few people that I think are really funny or interesting.

Her name is Trina. You may know her from this blog post the other week. Or this blog post about the Phantom of the Opera mask.

Well, the bottom line is that she cracks me up everyday. So follow her blog and tell her Zibbs sent you. Her blog is: trinalikeswine.blogspot.com . Go ahead. Give it a click!

FIRST TBY GUEST BLOGGER POST EVER. Lottery Practical Joke.

If you follow me on Twitter you probably know one of my best blog friends is @TrinaLikesWine . Se cracks me up everyday and we also DM and email and just laugh. (And she's hot too. Just so you know).

Well if you're a reader of this blog you know that I love practical jokes. Many of the classics I've performed over the years are in here. Well here is a great one that Trina did a few years ago. I give you... the first ever THAT BLUE YAK guest blogger post and a great practical joke:

Ever had a coworker who annoyed you to your core? One who disrupted the unspoken office rule of "Don't talk to me until I've had my first cup of coffee"...The guy or gal who thrived on exerting their non existent knowledge on everything. Gossipers, Corporate conspiracy theorists, Blowhards...you get the picture. I worked with just that type of guy. His name was Derek.

Derek was the expert on everything. He had no kids of his own, but would let my female workers know what he'd do in the arena of discipline. Cooking? He knew of a secret recipe that would blow yours out of the water. He wasn't trained for Information Technology but was convinced he could develop an application for our group to utilize. 40 hours of testing later his program was scrapped…too many so called, “Glitches” for Derek to correct.

One skillset Derek did possess was the art of sucking up to management. Inflate a manager’s ego and you’re set.

My coworkers and I were tired of Derek but could never come up with a good way to get him to shut up and sit down. Among the things I knew about Derek was his passion for the lottery...He was forever trying to get an office lottery pool going, but would often go out on his own and purchase the tickets on his lunch break. He'd then keep the tickets in his desk as though he slept the night before like a kid on Christmas Eve. I could picture him thinking he'd strut into the office, open his desk drawer and exclaim, "OH MY GOD! IT CAN'T BE! I'M RICH!" as though money would make up for all his inadequacies combined.

In his mind, getting rich quick meant all the office females would flock to him in droves. He'd then have the pleasure of puffing his chest and announcing he would be moving on to greener pastures with his posse of beauties..

One morning, as I sipped my first cup of coffee, Derek came over and plopped his sloppily dressed ass into my guest chair. He leaned in, lowered his voice and looked around as though he was about to reveal state secrets. "Do you play the lottery?" he asked. Beyond uninterested and annoyed at his violation of the cardinal "1st Cup of Coffee" rule, I didn't disguise my disinterest..."No.." I replied, "Do you really think anyone wins that stuff? I don't bother." Unfazed by my blatant disdain for his presence he continued, "Well, I don't know if you've heard, but the jack pot is close to 2 million bucks..." As though my nonexistent chances of winning a hot 2 mill would excite me. "Wanna start an office pool?" he asked. "I don't think many would be interested Derek...How about you go for it?”, I muttered sarcastically and turned away towards my computer. As Derek walked away I had an epiphany....

The winning lotto numbers were announced the following evening on TV. I endured the torture of having to watch as the highly excitable host and blonde lotto beauty delicately opened the vacuum tube to allow the lotto balls to load. Pen and paper in hand I took note of the winning numbers. I woke extra early the following morning and bought a lottery ticket emblazoned with the winning numbers. I snuck into the office early and placed the ‘winning ticket’ among his purchased lotto tickets.

About half an hour later, Derek came into the office. We were all in cubes so I could him performing his usual morning tasks before coming to annoy me. He hung his coat, logged into his computer (“So there was a record of getting into the office early”, he once told me), and proceeded to open his desk drawer. Not long after, one of my coworker friends came over.

I could tell by the expression on her face that something was brewing, but kept my composure. “Trina, has Derek come over to you yet?” she asked. “No”, I replied calmly, “Actually it’s been nice having a quiet morning, why?” She proceeded to tell me that Derek had gone over to her desk with the lottery ticket and asked her to double check the numbers as he was in complete disbelief.

Since she was my friend, I proceeded to tell her of my master plan. I made her swear to not say anything and to tell Derek to bring the ticket to me to double check…You know, as a third set of eyes…She agreed and not long after, Derek appeared in my doorway with a shit eating grin on his face.

His skin under his exposed carpet of chest hair was red and mottled, not unlike a schmeer of raspberry jam. His face was flushed and his hands were fidgety. I disliked this cat so much that I had no trouble keeping my composure. “What’s going on ‘D’?” I asked, as though he was a pal of mine.

He sat in my guest chair, dabbed his exposed forehead with his hanky and said, “I think I hit it…” I put on a look of confusion, “Hit what? Oh god, is your car ok?” He nearly jumped out of my chair, “No! NO! The LOTTO!” I can’t believe what I’m reading! Can you double check these numbers?” He had a print out of the previous night’s numbers and gingerly handed me the ticket as though it was made of glass. I took both, pretended to intently study each number, then looked again, and again…I feigned a huge wide-eyed look…”Jesus, this can’t be right! Have you called the commission?” He got a little more excited after my quality number check. “No, I’ve never won! Is that what I do?” “I don’t know man, but maybe in a bit give them a call. This is unbelievable”.

Then I fed into his euphoria by asking whether he’d continue working or enjoy the spoils of his big win. At this point I was afraid he’d go tell management to go screw themselves so I finally said as I glanced at his one way ticket to faux paradise, “You know? I do see one discrepancy.” He leaned in and read over my shoulder. “No, Trina the numbers match. Exactly, see?” “Yeah,” I replied, “but look, it’s today’s date.

Gotcha!” I didn’t gloat, didn’t laugh, but instead spun in my chair and continued my work. Needless to say, I didn’t see Derek in my visitor chair for a very, very long time. Coffee never tasted so sweet….

Eastbound and Down Is On Tonight! Here's A Taste.

My good friend @AMK195 from Twitter reminded me that Eastbound and Down is on tonight. 10:30 on HBO. 2nd season. Here's a little sampling of Kenny Powers: