Lydia Brings Up An Interesting Couch Humping Question

So in my post about catchphrases, Lydia (Obsessive Girl) brought up a question about when guys pretend to hump couches and chairs. The Utah blogger asks:

Why is it that all guys hump shit? The couch? The corner? The wall? The dog? Me?

She goes on to say:

Just another tidbit. When I see guys hump chairs (or a couch, whatever...) I usually look at them and think, is that what they look like when they 'DO IT'? All uncoordinated and odd looking?

Well Lydia, do you know the scene in Knocked Up when Seth Rogan is on the phone and his friends are pretending to get it on with each other? When I'm around friends and we're drinking, this happens all the time. As for the way of doing it and how they look, if you take any guy out of context, his face is always going to look ridiculous. In fact, it's pretty creepy when it's in context if you ask me.

As for the uncoordinated and odd looking moves, I think when most guys are pretending they're humping a couch it's usually an all out - almost rape like hump. I like to mix it up a bit sometimes with the old cross eyed look. I also throw in the "lick the thumb and index finger then simulate twisting my nipples" move. The more repulsive - the better.

Would you rather them start with a little foreplay on the pillow? Then slowly, but ever so tenderly, reach around and start caressing the arm doily in a light, circular motion while breathing a bit heavier onto the back of the couch? Now THAT would be odd looking.

The worst is getting caught. I never got caught pretending to hump the couch but before Ms. Z and I were married, I was giving her the double boob squeeze and saying, "Honk left and honk right honk left and honk right" in a goofy voice. She wasn't mad. She just shook her head and rolled her eyes. Then my mom walked in. That's when she got pissed.