Best Magazine Cover Ever! Casos Reales. Clown Busts In On Cheating Wife.

"Maria?.... Maria? Where are you me sweet little enchilada? It's your man Juggles? I'm home early from the.....HUH??????"

(I wonder what happened next?)

Paula Broadwell is Hot! Pictures of Her. Petraeus. Nice Arms. Flowing Hair.

After seeing some of the women that powerful men have gotten busted with (Arnold, Clinton.....uh...Robin Williams) I've got one thing to say about CIA Director Petraeus's girl.....OHHHHHH BEEEEEEHAAAVVEEEEE!*

This story will be fascinating as it unfolds because something fishy is going on. I smell a cover up.

And there was also a text from her mentioning sex under the desk. Oh baby. Do tell Ms Broadwell. But talk slowly and in a breathy voice. Petraeus doesn't look like the flirty type though does he? I wonder how it unfolded?

Thoughts? And here's another picture of her in her finest business lady apparel.

*Hubba Hubba

Getting Busted Having Sex. Ostriches. Crazy Ass Husband.

I wonder if some dude was ever having sex with a woman. And the husband came home.

And he's totally nude. Like TOTALLY. And he doesn't want the husband to see his junk so he covers it with his two hands. But the husbands comes at him to attack him and the guy has to fend him off so he just starts kicking him. (Remember, his hands are covering his junk).

And he's not karate style kicking him because the guy has no karate training. Sure, he's seen some Jackie Chan movies but it's not going to help in this situation. So he just kicks him the way an ostrich would kick. Like jumping up in the air and doing single kicks. A very goofy showing.

"Waaaa! Waaaa!" Screaming - almost birdlike as he kicks.

The husband isn't a great fighter so he's really just slap fighting the guy. Kinda sad if you think about it.

Then the guy - with one of his goofy ostrich-like kicks - steps into the bedroom trashcan. Yeah. I know. He runs down the hall squawking in his birdish screams and limping with the trashcan caught on his foot.

The husbands pursues him with a golf club.

...AND....CUT!

Doesn't Everyone Get Busted By Someone When They're Secretly Miming? Fool.

I got totally busted by my wife yesterday.

You know this post that I put up the other week with David Armand doing mime to the song Torn?

Well I was cooking and the song came on. So of course I started to act out the video. Then the next song on the radio was Billy Joel's "It's Still Rock and Roll to Me". So I started acting it out in the same mime style. Trying to see if I could mime the lyrics.

Well, I thought my wife was in the other room when all of a sudden she appears. I of course stop mid-mime and have a look of horror on my face. It's something I would have done in front of her but just to get busted like that...

My wife started laughing her ass off and can barely get out the words, "What...hahaha...What...hahaha...hahaha...are...hahahaa...you doing"???

Busted! I never get embarrassed in front of my wife but it was a combo of embarrassment and shock that she was standing there.

What a fool.

This Is Totally Something That Would Happen To Me. Flying.

I used to fly all the time. I always got stuck next to dudes or old ladies it seemed.

There was one time though that I got seated next to this hot chick. I was talking to her for a while and it turns out that the rowing competition she was going to wasn't for a college. She was in some private school on the Main Line. Private HIGH SCHOOL.

And to top it off, her coach was sitting right next to her. Shouldn't these young girls be required to wear stickers on their shirts that reveal their age?

Stupid!

Here's something that I could totally see getting busted for on a plane:

Phoebe Cates And Story About This Dude That Got Caught Masturbating.

Did you now Phoebe Cates is 46 today? Where did the time go? Whenever I think of her I think of Fastimes at Ridgemont High when she was getting out of the pool. And Judge Reinhold was peaking out the window knocking out a batch by hand.

And whenever I think of that, it reminds me of a story that a friend of mine tells of when he was in college. I wasn't even there when this incident happened but I used to make him tell the story once in a while because it just cracks me up.

"So my roommate Rich used to live across the hall with that dude Mike. And Mike went to class one day..halfway there, he realizes he forgets his book. So he turns around and goes back to the room. He opens the door and Rich is standing there holding a playboy and whacking off. Rich is so completely startled and that he throws the magazine up in the air and screams,..."WHAT???"

Just the image of that cracks me the hell up.

So did you ever get busted or bust someone?

(If you want to see the trailer from Fastimes, click here - but keep your hands where I can see them you pervs)

Singing While Driving and Using Ventriloquism. Weird.

When you guys are driving and singing, then you get to a red light but you really want to keep singing - do you ever keep singing but get all ventriloquist by trying to sing without moving your lips?

....but then some some dude sees you so you get your phone and you pretend you're talking to someone but you think the guy is totally on to you so you give him the finger?

....and the finger is not even high enough for him to see but doing this plus hitting the gas as soon as the light turns green somehow gives you some sort of satisfaction?

You all do that right?....Right?.....Hello???

If not I fear that I might be a teensy bit weird.

Coatesville Arsonist Caught. Coatesville Fire Setter Was A Teen.

Breaking News: Busted! According to slackers at My Fox Philly, a teen has been arrested for seven of the fires in Coatesville. As previously reported here on That Blue Yak, there have been 23 arsons in Coatesville since January 1.

Since the arsonist was caught shortly AFTER I posted my story and I called for his capture does that mean that I somehow helped with his capture? I would have to say yes.

I Swear I'm Not Researching Hookers. I Swear.

So I'm at the library the other day. It's about 6:30 and someone from my wife's book club approaches.

Book Club Lady: Oh my God Zibbs. Funny to see you here.

Me: Hey - how you doin'? Do you come to the West Chester library often?

Book Club Lady: Once in a while. I just dropped my son of at guitar lessons so I have about an hour to kill. What are you working? (She glances down at my laptop).

Me: No - I was. I'm finished now. I'm just goofin' off.

Book Club Lady: OK. Well see you later.

She walks away and I look down at the blog I had been reading*. The title of the blog that is now almost flashing like a neon sign reads.......

"HOOKERS ON PARADE"

Stupid! I wanted to yell, "I SWEAR I'M NOT RESEARCHING HOOKERS! I SWEAR...LOOK..IT'S JUST THE TITLE OF A BLOG!!" - but didn't.

*The blog I was reading was Catherinette's - but I forget the name of her blog so chime in if you know it.

Random Gran Torino Inspired Money Making Scheme

I just remembered that when I saw Clint Eastwood's Gran Torino the other week that when I came out of the theater I was teary eyed. I was a bit panicked because it hit me that if I ran into someone that I hadn't seen in a while I'd be too ashamed to admit why I was crying.

Person: Zibbs, what are you doing here..wait....are you crying?

Me: Um. No..I mean......yeah.

Person: Ha. What movie are you coming from? Marley and Me*? Bride Wars? Don't tell me it was Bride Wars!

Me: I don't know you jackass. I was too concerned trying to revive my dad. He was an usher and he just died. He was in theater #5 right over there. I gotta go. I gotta tell my mom.

So the money making scheme that I mentioned in the title of the post is waiting outside of theaters and photographing people then telling them I want $20 or their cry baby face will be plastered all over the world wide web of the Internets. Does anyone want to get in on the ground floor of this sure fire business? If so, let me know how much seed money you're willing to front.

*And if you want to see a post I wrote about the filming of Marley and Me right here in downtown West Chester, PA -click here. I haven't seen the movie but the West Chester scenes are at the beginning when it's snowing then later when they go to the vet.

I've Been Outed By Technology Damn It!

..well, kind of. H from the blog It's Always Darkest Before I Open My Eyes, added a Snapvine feature to her blog. I called and left a prank phone call but didn't realize I'd be outed by my THAT BLUE YAK avatar. Oh well. I also left one on Whiskey Marie's without knowing.

And if you look on my sidebar, I've added a Snapvine gadget as well so please leave me some voice messages. Make sure to listen to the prompts at the end because you can edit your messages after you get all nervous and screw up the first few times.

Maybe I'll have a contest later asking people to do various imitations on the Snapvine recorder...yeah...I'm totally gonna do that. Or sing or something. Yeah. Maybe that too.

You can add the Snapvine voice command to your sidebar in less than five minutes so you might as well do it. Imagine the possibility of getting a message from me? Yup. The future is here. Today. Now excuse me while I call my butler to whip me up a batch of refreshing Tang.

Lydia Brings Up An Interesting Couch Humping Question

So in my post about catchphrases, Lydia (Obsessive Girl) brought up a question about when guys pretend to hump couches and chairs. The Utah blogger asks:

Why is it that all guys hump shit? The couch? The corner? The wall? The dog? Me?

She goes on to say:

Just another tidbit. When I see guys hump chairs (or a couch, whatever...) I usually look at them and think, is that what they look like when they 'DO IT'? All uncoordinated and odd looking?

Well Lydia, do you know the scene in Knocked Up when Seth Rogan is on the phone and his friends are pretending to get it on with each other? When I'm around friends and we're drinking, this happens all the time. As for the way of doing it and how they look, if you take any guy out of context, his face is always going to look ridiculous. In fact, it's pretty creepy when it's in context if you ask me.

As for the uncoordinated and odd looking moves, I think when most guys are pretending they're humping a couch it's usually an all out - almost rape like hump. I like to mix it up a bit sometimes with the old cross eyed look. I also throw in the "lick the thumb and index finger then simulate twisting my nipples" move. The more repulsive - the better.

Would you rather them start with a little foreplay on the pillow? Then slowly, but ever so tenderly, reach around and start caressing the arm doily in a light, circular motion while breathing a bit heavier onto the back of the couch? Now THAT would be odd looking.

The worst is getting caught. I never got caught pretending to hump the couch but before Ms. Z and I were married, I was giving her the double boob squeeze and saying, "Honk left and honk right honk left and honk right" in a goofy voice. She wasn't mad. She just shook her head and rolled her eyes. Then my mom walked in. That's when she got pissed.

I've Got A Confession To Make About When I'm Alone

I admit it. I often do things when I'm by myself just to crack myself up. I'll sing. I'll dance. I'll talk in a weird voice while I'm cooking, pretending that I'm on a goofy ass cooking show. For a half hour. It's actually entertaining.

The only downside is when you get busted. Remember that story I told you about when I worked at the Lions Share Restaurant in 9th grade and someone had an accident in one of the stalls and they tried to get me to clean it up? Well, I got busted there for doing something really embarrassing.

They asked if anyone wanted to make some extra money on a Sunday by coming in and buffing the floors. I was there first thing Sunday morning and the cook, the only other person there, showed me how to use the device. It was one of these huge machines that when you turn the handle slightly, the whole mechanism turns by itself. It pretty much pulls you. The picture above is a miniature version of the industrial grade power horse I was using.

So I'm back in the very last room and I'm getting bored so I lean it all the way to the left and the thing practically turns me so I'm spinning in a circle. Hey this is fun. Then I stop it and make it spin to the right.

I take a quick peak down the corridor and the coast is clear so I continue goofing off. I must have been day dreaming because next thing you know, I'm imagining that I'm on in a sitcom like I Love Lucy or a movie and I'm in a Jerry Lewis voice going, "Oh Lady...Oyyyy...Oh stop this thing I want to get off." And I'm working this thing, it's hitting the walls, it's going full speed and then just then,

Cook: (walks into room and has look of disgust) What....?

Me: (startled like I just realized a bear is about to maul me) I thought!..Uh.....! Um.

That was pretty much my statement. What the hell can you really do in a situation like this? Exactly.