Real Sex Talk From My Dad - I'm Not Pulling Your Leg On This One

I'm always brushing up on my sexual technique and knowledge. Whether it be reading the latest journal articles on positions and trends, trying new stretches to keep myself limber or catching up on the new costumes that the kids are wearing these days. A Warren G. Harding outfit? You're kidding me.

Well it got me thinking about the real life sex talk that I got in about 5th or 6th grade from my Dad. He was obviously put up to it by my mom. I swear this happened.

(My Dad comes into my bedroom and shuts the door)

Dad: Son, I need to talk to you about something.

Me: What?

Dad: Put the your cards away.

Me: They're not cards. They're Wacky Packages.

Dad: ....Just put them away for now. Do you know anything about sex?

Me: (looking at shoe) Yeah.

Dad: (pulling collar) Are there any parts that you have questions on.

Me: ...No....uh. Not really.

Dad: You see son...um....every 24 - 28 days or so a woman menstruates. And.....Well...

Me: (still looking at shoe but the topic of menstruation makes me look at the other shoe)

Dad: ...Well, when someone like your mother or...or your sisters ....or anyone really...is menstruating - having a period that is....they're...well they're very sensitive. In the lower abdomen region.

Me: Uh huh.

Dad: ...So.....basically...what I'm saying here is you don't want to uh....be rough housing with a woman and under no circumstances should you ever punch a woman in the stomach....that's uh....that's about it I guess for now.

Me: OK.

The Creepy Film About Your Changing Body

Guys, I need you to go and check the oil in your car. I need to have a private word with my lady readers. ....are they gone? Good.

OK ladies, It's wonderful being a girl. But did you know that the uterus is no larger than the size of a pear? Or that the ovaries are no larger than walnuts? And that fallopian tubes are not an amusement ride? It's true. The problem is that when the movie you were shown in 5th grade was playing, you weren't listening. Were you?

I think we all need a refresher course*. And coming from an anonymous blogger that you've never met that claims to be a doctor, I think you can trust me when I say, "Please watch this creepy film about menstruation that was made in the 1960's to teach gals about their changing bodies." Then when a gal pal ask you if it's OK to wash your hair while menstruating, you'll feel confident about giving them the correct answer.



*Although this film says it's safe to bowl while menstruating, this film was made in the 1960's so bowl at your own risk.