Why Can't Dr Zibbs Eat? Please Help Me With Food Issue.

So I'm at our dinner club Saturday night and guess what happens?

(reader): You start telling stories and have everyone cracking up?

Yeah but I'm talking about at dinner. OK I'll tell you. Within one minute of eating, I spill red sauce on my white shirt. Why Lord? And don't say because I shouldn't wear white after Labor day and it was God's way of punishing me.

I really can't figure it out. I don't eat faster than other people. I'm not clumsy in other areas of my life - like I'm not always tripping over things and dropping things. I just don't get it.

I eat at a normal pace but I'm always spilling things. If I'm eating a Buddy Burger the insides slip out then it splatters on me. If I'm not at my house or with close friends I wouldn't even think about eating chicken wings. It ends up all over my face AND I need ten napkins just to clean myself up while I'm eating. How the hell do you people eat chicken wings at a restaurant with your nice and neat delicate bites?

I've studied people and I still can't figure it out.

The only thing I can figure out is when I spill stuff in my car because everything is on the atlas that's sitting on my lap and I'm multi tasking while I'm driving. Remember the Sausage Gumbo incident of 08? (to read, click the word spill)

Maybe I need to video myself eating and take it to an expert. I don't know.

Does anyone have any theories?