PJ Whelinhan's of Downingtown Are You Kidding Me? Tater Tots. Bert Stinkerstone.

ALERT:: Our civilization will end in 7...6....5....4.....3...... Above is a picture of what my daughter ordered at PJ Whelinhan's sports bar in Downingtown yesterday. "Loaded Tater Tots."

I know it's a sports bar and at sports bars they serve bar food but something about this disturbs me. Look at the picture. Pretty appetizing huh? *gag*

We went there after going to the movies by the way. And speaking of movies the movie The Call is pretty entertaining but the Steve Carrell movie Bert Wonderstone is so bad and unfunny I'm shocked they released it. If I ever see it on TV while flipping channels someday I  won't even pause for a second. That's how bad it was. Even people in the theater weren't laughing. And that's bad because there are always people in theaters at comedies that laugh extra loud just to get attention. I hate those idiots.

All I kept thinking while watching it was how uncomfortable the premiere must have been. And the actor's must have been sitting there thinking, "I can't believe I'm in this."

PJ Whelihan's Downingtown Bacon Blue Burger and Hiring Hot Chicks. Sports Bars In Chester County.

There it is. The Bacon Blue Burger from PJ Whelihan's in Downingtown. I had it the other day and man was it deliiiish! I think I need to start eating more Gorgonzola. Gorgonzola is a blue cheese originally from Gorgonzola, Milan in case you didn't know. Created in 879 AD to be exact. Now you're prepared for Jeopardy.

I might have asked a similar question in a previous post but I forget so I'll ask it again. How do places like PJ Whelihan's - a sports bar known for it's hot bartenders and waitresses - turn down the homely chicks when they come in to interview? Like does they ask them all the usual interview questions but they know all along there's no way on God's green earth that she's getting a job there? I'm sure they have to. I remember that some dude a few years ago tried to sue Hooter's because they wouldn't hire him but I wonder if some ugly chick ever tried to sue for not being hot? Makes you wonder.

And I will say for the record that it's pretty pathetic seeing middle aged dude's getting all flustered when talking to a 21 year old bartender. I saw it when I was there. Pull yourself together man.

Discusting Stink After Opening Up Ribs From Exton Giant. Get it Together!

On Saturday I go over to the Exton Giant Supermarket to buy some ribs that were on sale. I get home, cut open the plastic package and this stink wofts out of the package smelling so bad it almost knocked me over!

At first I thought maybe the smell was something from the garbage disposal but it wasn't. It was from the meat. I looked at the meat. It wasn't discolored. And the sell by date was eight days away. How does this happen?

I pack up the meat in four plastic bags (so the juices wouldn't leak) and I drive back to the Giant to get my money back. And my car stunk so badly I had put a window down. I bring it up to the counter and they didn't even question me about it. But about 10 seconds into making the return the customer service guy says, "OH MY GOD!" and pushes the ribs away.

How does this even happen? Was the meat sitting out for too long before they packed it? Did something other than the meat get into the package? Now I'm going to be grossed out by ribs for a while.

This Dude Named Dale At Work. Twizzler Ritual. Tastykake Pie Packaging.

A letter to this dude at work and his Twizzler eating ritual. His name is - get this - DALE.

Dale,

On behalf of everyone your Twizzler eating ritual has to stop. It's bad enough that you walk around with a coffee stirrer hanging out of your mouth trying to look like a badass but the Twizzler thing must stop.And by the way stop walking around with your chest out like you're a muscle guy. You're a fat guy. And on that note do you know that your protruding belly button can be seen through TWO shirts?? TWO!! Like a pregnant lady!

OK back to the Twizzlers. Here's what you do. You get one Twizzler then you dangle it in your mouth for about a minute. Then you chomp it in the way a horse would and chew a bit then chomp some more in. If you saw yourself on film you might stop. But I doubt it. Kids do this!

And on other food related news do you really have to bring a full Thanksgiving sized meal into lunch everyday? Keeping the fridge loaded up with all of your TV dinners and microwaveable meals? Then you make a production out of the meal. Pulling out bags of salad, salad dressing, baggies of cheese, side dishes in tupperware, applesauce and snack pack puddings, spices, tastykakes for dessert... ENOUGH!

And the way you eat? I'm happy  - and surprised actually - that you keep your mouth shut but what the hell is going on with your lips when you chew? You look like a camel! LOOK IN THE MIRROR! It's gross! And you examine the food. Then every bite you take in slowly. I can tell you're enjoying it. Savoring.

You're obsessed with food.. Every time somebody is pulling their lunch out of the fridge you curiously look over. Extending your neck. The mice running on the wheel in your pee brain running as hard as they can trying to figure out what they're about to eat. Like a dog. It's killing you that you don't know so you then casually say, "Eh? ...So whatcha got there?" Also weird and creepy. Then you make a comment about the food and tell the person what you're preparing. Nobody cares Dale.

And finally, remember when I was eating a Tastykake cherry pie and you gave a five minute dissertation about how the new packaging for the pies is a rip off because "the pie packaging is heavier but the total weight of the product is the same so we're getting ripped off?" and it was probably "some big wigs*" idea?

Did you notice how I wasn't paying attention? Well take a hint.

*Who says "big wig?"

Does Anyone Really Care? Bazooka Joe Comic Ending.

It was just announced that Bazooka Joe comics will no longer be in Bazooka Gum. They said only 7% of kids age 6-12 knew who he was and of the 7% less than half liked the character. Damn!

Well good riddance. I hated those cheesy cartoons. One article said that even when it debuted in the 50's it looked outdated and seemed like it was from the 40's. And please work on the rock hardness of your gum.

And while you're at it, please get rid of this dick:

Hot Wings Potentially Switched On Me At Landmark Americana. West Chester Man Sweats Heat.

Yeah so I order the hot wings at Landmark Americana in West Chester, PA the other day. And I usually get the hot. I think the next level up is called something like "We dare you." And I think that the guy in the kitchen maybe dared the other guy in the kitchen to give me a double dose of the "we dare you."

Because I take my first bite and...JESUS CHRIST!!

They were so hot! And I like hot stuff but almost unbearable. Like each bite was torture (but delicious).

And I didn't want to look like a puss so I didn't send them back but with each bite I could feel my face turning red. Then I started sweating so much from my forehead and my eyes that a few people started looking at me. Or maybe I'm just paranoid but I think they were. And I pictured the kitchen people looking through the one way mirror at me saying, "Five dollars he doesn't take another bite....NO! HE'S DOING IT!!!! ...YOU OWE ME FIVE DOLLARS! Look at the baby cry. Take another bite baby. You want your bottle?"

And what percentage of dudes do you think order the ultimate hot stuff because they're just trying to look like a big shot? I'm talking the ultimate ridiculously hot stuff. I say 80 percent. 

Who Did You Vote For? Quisp or Quaker? It's Funny Cause It's Cereal.

Who did you vote for? Quisp or Quaker?

I voted for Quisp.

Man Never Ate Cottage Cheese. Other Food Things. Zagnut Bar.

Some random thoughts on food:

- Do you know what food I've never eaten? Cottage cheese. And I have no desire to ever try it. And I might even like it. Something about it grosses me out.

- I've also never had rhubarb or a date. And I've never eaten goat or rabbit. But these are all things that I would try. And did you know that goat is the most consumed meat in the world?

- I haven't seen anyone eating a Zagnut candy bar in years. Not sure if they even still make them.

- I have no use for coconut.


- I want to start eating more papaya. Maybe make a salsa with it and put it over fish.

- Stouffer's Lasagna isn't bad when in a bind. But I can't think of any other frozen food dinners I would ever buy. Brand of frozen food dinners I should say.

- Ellio's Pizza is the worst. I'm not sure how they even sell it. Not only does it burn the hell out of the roof of your mouth but it tastes like thick cardboard with crappy sauce and cheese. Here's what it looks like:

And that concludes my worst post ever. It was kind of Larry Kingish don't you think? When he lists off random crap in his newspaper column?

And one more thing. Please leave any suggestions for posts in the comments area. Or questions that you have for me that I can write as a post.If I use it I'll give a link to your blog.

Help Me Build The Zibbswich Sammie! Pork Shoulder Sandwich Creation.

If you follow me on Twitter @DrZibbs you might recall that I started to develop a sandwich that I'll be calling the Zibbswich. The early prototype was just OK so here's an updated potential list of ingredients. Feel free to let me know any ingredients that you would add, delete or substitute.

OK. Here we go....

Pork shoulder smoked on grill or slow roasted.
Roll (A seeded one)
Garlic, mushrooms and shallots (saute in oil then deglaze with white wine).
Long hots.
Cheese (but sharp provolone is always used on pork so I think I want something gooey. Any suggestions?)

And the secret ingredient is: ROASTED RED PEPPER SAUCE.

And I'm thinking of adding coleslaw but I don't think that would work.

I might also try a variation where I don't add the roasted red pepper sauce but I had really spicy baked beans to the top. I'm note sure if I've ever seen baked beans on a sandwich. 

Guy Fieri. Douche McDouche. Stupid Quotes and Backward Sunglasses.

Can you imagine if you had to interact with Guy Fieri daily? *begins to tie noose* But do you know what? I watch his show all the time. For all the douchy behavior I have to tune in! I have to watch it I tells ya! Even though I'm constantly yelling out, "Oh come on. Shut up!"

How much of his personality do you think is a show and how much do you think is real? I'm guessing that a lot of it is how he really acts. Here are a few of the stupid things he's said:

“This is kind of like hitting the nitrous button on a food career. This is full throttle.”
  
"On like Donkey Kong."

"Dude I've been sticken by chicken!"

"I wanna be the ambassader of chimichanga flavor town!"

And he always has to look right in camera when he says stuff like this. Way to be subtle Guy.

Ive got two words. Ohhhhh BROTHER!

And what's with the backward sunglasses? I'm sure he didn't make it up. Where and when did that originate? And if you're doing a TV show why the hell wouldn't you just put your sunglasses off camera? Stupid.

Inventions That Were Huge When I Was Growing Up. VCR. 70s and 80's.

There it is. The kitchen from 1979. And look at the white appliance in the corner. It's a microwave. That is one of several inventions that I remember as being a big deal when I was growing up. Imagine wanting to heat something up and you had to preheat an oven or toaster oven!! It's just a waste of my time! You kids have it too good!

And the microwaves always came with a cookbook showing these elaborate meals you could make. No thanks. I'll stick to reheating. And I'm glad I sold my stock of hot popcorn popper companies the year before or I would have lost my shirt!

Here are a few other noteworthy inventions of my childhood that brought us into the world of tomorrow...

*hazy camera waves to indicate dreamy flashback*

What have we here? That my friend is a VCR. I think they became popular around 1979 (9th grade for me) but  I could be wrong. The great thing about the VCR was that you could actually watch a movie and not have to wait for it to come on one of your five channels. When I was a kid the Wizard of Oz came on once a year. And if you missed? Tough luck. Here's a tissue for your tears. Wait till next year.

Also, it was a chance to see some skin if you know what I mean. The only skin before that was maybe some nipple on Charlie's Angels or Three's Company. And come to think of it that wasn't even skin! It was fabric. Erect, nipple fabric penetrating through the shirt of  Farrah or Suzanne Somers. Or Maude*.

Next up? The TV remote. But guess what? This ad is from 1958??? Why did it take so long for remotes to become popular?? If I recall correctly remotes weren't common until about 1975 at least because I remember even seeing a commercial for a TV with a remote and my dad pulling down his newspaper and saying, "A remote control for your television? Now who is THAT lazy they can't get up from their couch, walk over to the television and turn the channel?" Then he shook his head and went back to reading the paper.

To read about my salute to hot dog cookers click here.

*In other nipple related news I remember a friend saying, "Did you see 'The Deep' last night on the ABC Movie of the week? You could see Jacqueline Bisset's nipples through her white t-shirt!" Sadly I missed it.

Chester County Man Endorses Wawa Hoagie. Hoagie Fest.

*singing* "Hoagie fest! Hoagie fest! (something, something, something, something*) Hoagie fest!"

That's the Wawa hoagie fest song that they usually play at the gas pumps during the Wawa hoagie fest celebraish but for some reason they aren't doing it this year. Good thing because it's really annoying. I bet people complained. But I do love my Wawa.

Have you guys heard of Wawas? They're convenience stores in the Northeast and they''re awesome. Great food, clean, fast service. I don't think I've ever met a person that says they don't like Wawa.

And now I will tell you about the sandwich above. It's the Wawa prime rib sandwich and it's DELIIIIIISH!

Please get one and tell me what you think of it. Here's how I order mine:

Prime rib sandwich
horseradish sauce
Provolone cheese
onions
jalapenos
grated cheese.

AWWWWW YEAH!!!

*the "something" part is the part where I forget the words

Leclerc Celebration Modified With Peanut Butter. West Chester Invention. Canada.

Did you guys ever hear of Leclerc's Celebration cookies? I think my mom dropped them off at my house. At first I thought they were some crappy dollar store cookie but then I tried one and they are TASTY!!

They're Canadian butter cookies with some fancy ass castle in milk chocolate on top. And what I did was modify them by adding peanut butter to the top like so.....

I'm like the Edison of Canadian cookies!!

Want To Know How Much Bacon I Ate? West Chester Man.

 I was swimming at my parents the other day and I was describing to my daughter how I like to eat my BLT's from Wawa: Bacon, Lettuce, Extra Pepper Jack Cheese, Onion, Mayo on Rye. It's the only way to go. So she says, "Now I want a BLT."

So I went inside my parents to whip some up and she says, "Well I have to go now because I'm sleeping over a friend's house." Uh OK thanks for telling me now. Anyways, there was no lettuce or tomater so I just made a Bacon, Onion, Cheese and Mayo:

But since I had all the bacon left over I decided...waste not want not...and ate it all. Then I looked at the package and realized I ate 750 calories worth of bacon. Meh... *Shrugs shoulders*

But then I felt guilty so I went to the scale and weighed myself and I was 206. It was at the end of the day and I had clothes on but still. I need to get down to 195. Which I will. (I'm 6' 2" by the way so I'm not a fatty but still need to drop a few.)

Chester County Man Hoards Napkins. Exton Chipotle. Exton Country Bagel.

The Chipolte napkin. The holy grail of restaurant napkin for napkin hoarders like me. 

Does anyone else hoard napkins? I do it all the time. I store them in my car then and use them for various purposes. Face cleaning, spills, the occasional nose blow when tissues run out, wiping down my dash and console...and maybe someday for origami. Who knows?

And Chipotle napkins are the best because you can grab a huge stack easily and they're thick. My least favorite used to be Wendy's. Do you know why? I just hated that bright yellow color. But they've switched to the same industrial brown as Chipotle so I'll be stocking up on those as well. 

And on other napkin hoarding related news I was in the Exton Country Bagel this morning and too bad my arch enemy wasn't there because as I was pulling their crappy napkins out of their toilet paper holder-like dispensers I was imagining if he were there I would slowly pull one out..and another..and another..and another....staring at him the whole time with the look of "there ain't a damn thing you can do about this little man. Not a damn thing." And as I pulled the 30th napkin out I would look at him and mouth, "Thanks for the free napkins....chump."

Then strut my ass out of their establishment. .......And.......Scene!

The Perfert Heat In Spicy Food. Don Gabriels. West Chester.

Do you ever notice the different types of heat in spicy foods? My favorite has to be the red sauce (or Rojo as the Latins call it) that comes with the Don Gabriel's pork carnitas* (West Chester, PA). Take a look at the sauce above. It's like Beelzebub made it himself.

It's not that your tongue is burning and you're dying for a glass of water - or milk - but it's got a slow burn. The flavor and heat just takes over your mouth in a subtle but overpowering way if that makes sense. It's so hot that when I was eating these the other day I look in the mirror and my forehead was totally covered in beads of sweat, my face is flush and when I blinked? I shed tears! Like a big baby.

If someone came up to my car and knocked on the window they would have been horrified when I turned around. They probably would have thought I was having a heart attack. And was just sitting in my car crying and waiting to die. Eating my last meal - pork carnitas.

My second favorite heat is on roasted long hots. And from my other posts I'm wondering if these long hot peppers are served in other parts of the country because a lot of people have commented that they've never heard of them. But nice heat and they're always a gamble. Some are really hot and some aren't. Depends on whether the seeds are out I think.

And on the subject of the long long hots I can't seem to find the exact kind. I only find the kind that has the thick skin. Like the kind I use to make my famous Dr Van Huesen Sphincter Burners as I wrote about here

And finally, on the subject of heat does anyone have any good hot sauces to recommend. I love Tabasco and not crazy about Frank's if that helps. I know there are hundreds out there with crazy labels but honestly haven't tried many others.

OK that's it. Let me know what your favorite spicy foods are.


*To read another post I wrote about these carnitas click here.

Random Pictures From My Phone. Struble Trail. Mas West Chester. Rocco's Exton.

Ahhh..Look at that picture above. It's a tree swing from the Struble Trail in Downingtown. I love walking by there. Very calming. I think this Summer I'm going to try it out when there are a bunch of kids there. I'll walk over and say, "Step aside." Then do my Tarzan yell, "Ahhhhhhh-ahhhooaahhh- aaaaahhhhhaaa!"

Here are a few other random pictures from my phone.

This is a picture from the roof top bar of Mas - a Mexican restaurant in downtown West Chester, PA. It was the perfect evening. Nice and breezy. I love sipping a cold one while the breeze is a blowin'. Just enough that random napkins blow away. Plus I had a long phone chat with my best friend while I sipped on a Corona. And look at the top of that umbrella. It's kind of an optical illusion. If you look at it it turns into a distant mountain.

Who's this guy? It's the wavy Verizon man. Do you know it's very hard for me to walk by this guy at Main Street in Exton and not imitate him? If I'm with other people forget it. I'll do it 100 percent of the time. I wonder how many people out of a hundred that walk by imitate his waviness? I bet it's 5 out of 100 kids and 1 out of 100 adults. Do you think?

Here's a mural on the wall at Rocco's Pizza in Exton. Something unsettling about this piece. The guy on the right is sleeping. Guy in the middle is eating but seems to be ignoring others and the guy on the left is guzzling red wine. And looks like he's going to slam the glass down and open up a can of whoop ass on the other two. Or on his timid Italian girlfriend that "just doesn't listen." I bet he'll first take his shirt off so everyone can see his wife beater t-shirt.

Pork Sandwich Roundup in Chester County. Best Pork.

Ahhh. The pork sandwich. Do you guys in other parts of the country have it? Here are a few of my favorites in Chester County Pa.

This one above is my favorite. It's from Luigi and Giovanni's in Newtown Square. They only serve it on Sunday's. A whole pig is roasted over night. Then the meat is put into a great sesame seed coated roll with provolone cheese and long hots. Dear Jesus is this thing good. I usually eat it in my car on the way home while listening to Sunday's with Sinatra. And my brow sweats from the heat of the long hots. And if you go there you have to get it with an ice cold Coca Cola.

And what do we have here? (above). This is a pork sandwich from Primo Hoagies in Exton, Pa. It's a cold hoagie with pork deli meat. Provolone and long hots. And a great roll! I prefer the hot pork sandwiches but this one is pretty good.

And lastly is this guy. The hot pork sandwich at Rocco's Pizza in Exton Pa. Roasted pork, provolone and long hots. This is tasty but not great. The roll is average and they broil it a bit to melt the cheese. Plus they only give you one long hot per side as opposed to Luigi and Giovanni's. Either way, it's still better than most cheese steaks you can get around here.

To read more about the dick that makes one of my pork sandwiches click here.

Tuna Hoagie Incident. TRUE STORY. The Old Switcharoo.

Wait till you hear this. Do you see that sandwich above? It's the tasty Bobbie from Capriotti's Sandwich Shop in Exton. Roasted turkey with stuffing and cranberry sauce. Trust me. It's really good.

So here's what happened. I had one the other day and since I'm not a pig I ate one half and saved the other half to bring to work. Next day I bring it to work and put it in the work fridge. Lunchtime comes and I eagerly reach into the fridge, pull out the hoagie and open it. Anticipation.

What?? What the?? Who replaced my Bobbie with a tuna hoagie?! God damn it! Someone at my house must have eaten my Bobbie or moved it and I accidently grabbed my son's tuna hoagie from my home fridge and brought it in! And I open up the tuna hoagie and guess what is covering the tuna? Jalapenos! Who the F covers their tuna hoagie with jalapeno? And the jalapeno's were carefully placed on the sandwich as if when my son ordered it he instructed the sandwich artist to line the jalapeno's up perfectly. And it it was a Subway sandwich too. Maybe it was Jared's stupid idea. And I hate Subway.

Well I'm hungry so I decide to eat it. Not THAT bad. But halfway through I get grossed out because what if it's a few days old? Or my son left it in the car for a while? I've got this fear about eating old or gross fish. So after a few bites I just chuck the thing in the trash.

A few hours pass and a light bulb goes off over my head. Could it be? No. Well I better go check. I go to the work fridge, reach in and pull out a bag that's been pushed to the very back. I open it and see the red stain of cranberry coming through the paper. I didn't eat my son's sandwich I hate a fellow employee's sandwich!! WHAAAA?!

Then I was all paranoid they were going to try and track down who did it. As if I just opened the fridge and said, "I wonder what I should eat today? Oh. A tuna hoagie. That should do the job."  I'm just glad the tuna hoagie owner didn't see me eating it. How do you get out of that one?

The next day I was telling a friend about what happened and we were laughing so hard that later I made up this fake sign and told her it was taped to the work fridge and I emailed it to her.

"Please DO NOT throw out or eat food that is not yours. If your unsure if it is yours please ask! Thanks."

After we had a good laugh I told her I wrote it. Then we laughed even harder. Note the spelling error I added to the note (ie: "yours").

I love this note because it makes it as though the person who had their sandwich eaten thinks people are so dumb that they might forget what they actually brought in for lunch therefore have to "ask around" to double check. "Hmm. Did I bring a peanut butter sandwich, a yogurt or a chicken pot pie? I forget."

I Hereby Endorse The French Onion Soup At Panera. 70's Food.

Oh yeah. Here's the French onion soup I had at Panera* the other day. And it was deeeeeeeeliiiiiiiiissshhhh!

I'm more of a fan with it in a crock and with the cheese bubbling over the sides but this version was really good. You don't see French onion soup too often do you? It was big in the 70's and 80's but I rarely see it on menus. I hope it's making a comeback.

And got me thinking about some other foods that were popular in restaurants growing up but are rarely seen. Like Beef Wellington (which I've never had) and chocolate mousse. Oh and another thing that I love that I still make. I little dish known as clams casino. I do them with cherry stone clams then add minced shallots, garlic, pepper and some bacon on top. That's the stuff. Haven't seen that on a menu in a while.

*The sandwich I got was not great. A turkey sandwich with bacon. The bread is just too thick. But I did have a few bites of what my date was eating. Potato soup and mac and cheese. Yum.