Why Can't Dr Zibbs Eat? Please Help Me With Food Issue.

So I'm at our dinner club Saturday night and guess what happens?

(reader): You start telling stories and have everyone cracking up?

Yeah but I'm talking about at dinner. OK I'll tell you. Within one minute of eating, I spill red sauce on my white shirt. Why Lord? And don't say because I shouldn't wear white after Labor day and it was God's way of punishing me.

I really can't figure it out. I don't eat faster than other people. I'm not clumsy in other areas of my life - like I'm not always tripping over things and dropping things. I just don't get it.

I eat at a normal pace but I'm always spilling things. If I'm eating a Buddy Burger the insides slip out then it splatters on me. If I'm not at my house or with close friends I wouldn't even think about eating chicken wings. It ends up all over my face AND I need ten napkins just to clean myself up while I'm eating. How the hell do you people eat chicken wings at a restaurant with your nice and neat delicate bites?

I've studied people and I still can't figure it out.

The only thing I can figure out is when I spill stuff in my car because everything is on the atlas that's sitting on my lap and I'm multi tasking while I'm driving. Remember the Sausage Gumbo incident of 08? (to read, click the word spill)

Maybe I need to video myself eating and take it to an expert. I don't know.

Does anyone have any theories?

How Many Eggs Does One Have To Eat To Be Labeled A Glutton?

So we're watching the Philadelphia Eagles beat the Vikings on Sunday at John Smith's house and we were getting on their son's case about a meal he had a few weeks ago. OK. First - what would you consider to be an amount of fried eggs and slices of bread that would cause you to say, "What the hell!! Are you kidding me?"

OK. Hold onto you plates. Here it comes....

My man had 10 fried eggs and a half a loaf of bread for breakfast! What??????

He's not obese. Yet. If I were one of those carnival workers that guesses weight and height, I'd say he's about 175 pounds and 5' 6". And his build is stocky/muscular. And he's about 22 years old.

Is it just me or is this ridiculous? And the let me know if you have any nickname ideas. So far, the tops ones are Eggy, Eggs and my favorite Huevos Diez.

Pork Shoulder In Oven - Check Out This Song

So I had a pork shoulder brining all night and woke up early to put it in the oven. I'll post the blogger meetup story a little later so check back every half hour throughout the day.

In the meantime, check out this cool song I just found about pork on the Youtube. It's a bit long but catchy. And look at that pig riding on the sausage? Pretty hypnotizing. If they ever make that into a real, non cartoon vehicle, I'm totally buying one. Yeah ....you wait. I'll do it too.

Crazy Freaky Video Mashup Perfect For Practical Joke

I have no plans to break into anyone's house and terrorize them like in the movie Funny Games with Tim Roth and Naomi Watts. But if I did, I'd probably wear a pig or monkey mask. Then, after I tied them up, and before pulling my mask off I'd make them watch this video mashup. Tell me that wouldn't freak those dopes out.

(DISCLAIMER: I NEVER WOULD TERRORIZE THEM - INSTEAD, AFTER THE VIDEO WAS OVER, I'D PULL OFF THE MASK AND SAY, 'GOT YA'. ALSO, I'D DO IT TO FRIENDS BECAUSE IF THEY WERE STRANGERS THEY'D PROBABLY HAVE ME ARRESTED)