I'm Racist When It Comes To Dogs. Chester County Ugly Dog.

The other night I'm upstairs and I hear my son come in. Then I hear a tiny dog bark.

I perk up. Whu???

It sounded almost like a cute puppy bark. So I run downstairs all excited, turn the corner and..... *cue the loser music for the Price is Right* "Bum-Bum-Babuuuuuumm Waaaaaaaa"

It wasn't a cute puppy. It was a scraggly old cockapoo. With a bad haircut. And it was just walking away from me. It's saggy, discolored sphincter staring me in the face. Mocking me. Pure disappointment. It turns out my son saw it walking around outside. He eventually found the owner that night.

But as for petting it? No thanks. I think I'm just racist against some dog breeds. Not that I hate them but I just don't care about them. And I'm a dog lover too. Of the important breeds*.

I love dogs (some breeds) so much that if I go to somebody's house and I see a dog I'll practically push them aside to go play with the dog. But this saggy sphincter dog? No. I'm just as likely to walk into somebody's house, see a hamster and run over to the cage and be like, "Whoa! Who's this little guy? Hey buddy. What are you doing in there? Look! He's thinking about going on his wheel!! I can just tell! You guys go outside I'm just going to wait here and watch him run on his wheel for a while."

I know. It might be wrong but if you're judging me doesn't that make YOU a people racist? *holds up mirror to your face*

*Like the Newfoundland dogs you see above. I would love to get one of those someday.

I've Got A Great Mooning Accessory I Need To Get Working On

So I'm reading my comments from the post about mooning and laughing at some of the funny things people wrote. Then I read the comment from Whiskey Marie :

"I've never mooned anyone because I have an irrational fear of strangers accidentally catching a glimpse of my butt hole in unflattering light. I wish I was lying, and I wish I could stop confessing these things to you people."

As soon as I read that it hit me. Sphincter Patch! A patch that covers the sphincter so that people that are weary of mooning can do it without worrying about others seeing their butt holes in an "unflattering light". Whatever that means. Maybe it can even come with some sort of hatch or flap so that the patch can be raised to expose the sphincter. You know - in case the person starts feeling a bit more comfortable and they want to expose their sphincter without the hassle of having to remove the entire sphincter patch garment. Holy cow! I've got an invention on my hands!

...felt.....rubberbands....stenciling materials....tinfoil....glitter.....pipe cleaners......Sorry I'm just so excited that I'm brainstorming out loud. I wonder how much a patent is?... I better go. I really need to get down to my workshop and crank out a few prototypes.

In the mean time, will someone please tell me what Whiskey Marie means by an "unflattering light?"