Thursday, August 30, 2007

Is Gang Violence Coming to West Chester University?

Alert from West Chester resident Mary Ann Fulmer (82 year young)

While taking a walk on the Campus of West Chester University, I came across a disturbing image. The word "GATE" and a weird symbol was spray painted on the side walk. It was right there on Church Street.
I've seen all of of the gang shows and believe you me, I'm pretty sure it was spray painted by gang members that go by the name "the Gates".
I know from watching 60 minutes that there's the Cribbs, the Bloods and Kool and the Gang but I don't recall the Gates.
I must say however that I was a little disturbed because when I asked the construction workers that were standing next to a metal construction gate whether they had seen any "gang bangers". They looked at me like I was a ninny.
Head the warning and stay indoors.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Two Tall People And One Fake - You Be The Judge

Below are several tall people. One is a hoax. The others are real. Study the pictures carefully and pick the hoax. (for entertainment purposes only - please, not betting)

A) "Hi, I'm Sandy. I'm tall. This is my friend Sid. He sells carpeting and is handing me an empty box that's been gussied up to look like a present. I wish it actually concealed treats. I'm tall."

B) "My name is Bao Xishun. I the tall one.This little rascal I think is a boy, a man or a monkey man. He be put next to me to make me look taller but it do not matter because I am tall for real. Please choose 'B' to keep my family out of danger."
C) "I'm the real tall one. Look, I'm walking next to a regular sized person."
The correct answer is C.
To read advice about how to grow tall by a few uninformed dummies on Yahoo Answers, click here.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Hey Everyone, Look At Those Nuns

Observation by THAT BLUE YAK'S BENJAMIN R. POLISKI


I was eating breakfast at the Happy Days Diner in Frazer and two nuns walked in. And do you know what? I started laughing. I guess it's like seeing your 2ND grade teacher at the mall or a dude in a Speedo when you're not in Canada - it just seems out of place.

But God Bless the little rascals. I decided to let them eat instead of the old days. I would have stared them down for a while. Then I'd walk over and sit down in their booth and not say anything for a few minutes. Then I'd start eating their food or say something like, "We don't take kindly to your type in these parts".

I guess I'm mature now.
Learn more about becoming a nun here

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Phoenixville Blues Festival Still a Go Despite 167 Degree Forecast

It's still a go in Phoenixville despite a weather forecast of 167 degrees. The home of the blob is asking all music loving residents to leave the comfort of their air conditioned homes and pools and join them in downtown Phoenixville today.

We're asking that all people that like to complain about the the heat stay home. They will not be tolerated.

Pennsylvania troopers will be on hand in full force to beat, arrest and jail buzz killing festival complainers. So please, come on out and enjoy the great blues but respectfully keep your pie hole shut about the God awful, untolerable heat.


What: New Century Bank Blues Festival


When: August 25, 2007/ 1:00 to approx. 7:00


Where: Bridge Street and Main Street in Phoenixville, PA


What to bring:
- Ice
- water
- reserve cooler with ice and water
- directions to places that sell ice and water
- phone numbers of friends that can bring you water in case the stores that sell ice and water are sold out.
- cute parasol that subtly complements your outfit.

Enjoy.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Presidential Coins Contest - We Need Your Help

The following are the results of a USA Today report concerning the new presidential coins:

- 26% of Americans have seen a new presidential coin.

- 73% have not seen one.

- 1% "have no opinion".

If the presidential coin series gains popularity, the Federal Reserve has estimated that $500 million a year would be saved. We're calling on America to help with the popularity of this very important coin collection by suggesting alternate images for the coins. This is how it will go down:

1) THAT BLUE YAK will start the list and we will accept all suggestions from you - the little people. Please add suggestions in comments area below.

2) Please suggest an image for the "face" side of the coin and for the unimportant B side.

3) Once we've gathered all of the suggestions from the little people, we will randomly discard all but two of the choices and add them to our stellar list.

4) We will type the choices onto a nice stock paper.

5) We will try to get an artist to draw a few of these potential coins for free.

6) We will then send the list and the drawings to Washington D.C. asking for the images to be considered.

Here are some of suggestions from THAT BLUE YAK:

WILLIAM TAFT
Face side: A close up of William Howard Taft stuffing his face with a Burger Kink Quad Stacker.
B side: Tips on how to eat sensibly.

JAMES BUCHANAN
Face side: James Buchanan holding pinkie up to the corner of his mouth. Paul Lynde is seen in the background giving the international "ssshhhh" symbol.
B side: Fashion tips.

ABRAHAM LINCOLN
Face side: Abraham Lincoln, portrayed at his true size of 23 feet 9 inches tall about to crush a cowering Robert E. Lee at the battle of Fredericksburg.
B side: Beard maintenance tips using only a dull razor and twig.

GEORGE WASHINGTON
Face side: George Washington holding his wooden teeth up to the face of a child and saying, "Got your nose!"
B side: Top reasons King George was a dick.

FRANKLIN ROOSEVELT
Face side: Franklin Roosevelt giving Adolph Hitler the Mandibular Nerve Pinch. (Tears can be seen in the eyes of Hitler).
B side: Friendly reminders of the "leave a penny, take a penny" rule.

TEDDY ROOSEVELT
Face side: Teddy Roosevelt holding his ray gun with foot placed upon his most prized hunting trophy -the mighty unicorn of the Belgian Congo.
B side: Mighty Unicorn of the Belgian Congo skinning tips and recipes.
Good luck.

Monday, August 20, 2007

S'more Invention Is Sure To Change The World

The following conversation was transcribed in the THAT BLUE YAK lounge today as part time electrician Edwin the Earl Kennedy bore assed everyone on his new invention


Man have I got an invention for you. Let's just say that after the last post about the marshmallows and the Copeland School Road fire, I got a hankering' for some s'mores. The ingredients were purchased, the fire was made and the s'more's were a flyin'.
Without giving the details away, one of the youngsters put a piece of chocolate in between two marshmallows before toasting it. That's when it hit me - MY GREAT IDEA. I'm afraid you're going to have to wait to hear the sweet details. If I give the details away, I'm sure some a-hole will steal it and be on his way. Once I've developed the prototype and secured a primary and secondary Chinese factory I MAY reveal the details. If I were you, I'd create a tickler file to remind yourself because believe me..it's so worth the wait. As a matter of fact, all of my robot making plans have been put temporarily on hold.

Let's just say that the relatives of Eli Whitney will soon be forgotten.

That is all.

Mr Kennedy then proceeded to reheat his hot pocket in the microwave and marched confidently out of the lounge.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Huge Fire Rages on Boot Road - Area Supermarkets Issue Statement

As a fire raged at the corner of Boot Road and Copeland School Road this afternoon, the Chester County Supermarket alliance issued the following statement: WE ARE OUT OF MARSH MELLOWS!


Robert Norris, Exton Acme Manager announced the following to crowds outside of the Whiteland Town Center in Exton via bullhorn,

"Listen people, there are no more marsh mellows. We have a few boxes of peeps and we will be auctioning them off at around 2:30. We will be accepting cash only"

The fire raged at 1:00 Friday in West Whiteland. That Blue Yak receptionist Betsy Griffin captured these amazing photos after picking up the last bag of marsh mellows at Wegmans in Downingtown and "popping home quickly to make sure her iron was turned off."



Thursday, August 16, 2007

Elvis Smelvis - Look At This Sign That Vernon Made

Yes, it's been 30 years since the death of Elvis, but how many years since father Vernon Presley made this crappy sign? On a recent trip to Graceland we took a picture of this simple sign.

The sign hangs on the garage/shed-like "office" that sits in the backyard of Graceland. What or who inspired Vernon to make this sign? The tone, red letters and capital letters indicate his rage. But the pencil marks that were put in place to keep the letters straight show his patience. The unerased guidelines though indicate sloppiness.

Many questions remain. Why didn't he plan the letters more carefully so they wouldn't be all squished in at the end of the line as seen on the words EMPLOYEES and BUSINESS? How did this dummy make no spelling errors?

Who were the non employee loafers? Were they wondering hillbillies? Delivery men? And how many versions did Vern Presley make of the sign before crumpling it up and starting anew?

Was Vernon Presley tired of sitting at his metal desk and lining up pencils so he was looking for a more important task? We may never know - unless we dig up his body - located about 30 yards away and ask the man . But he would not answer. Because he is dead.

Monday, August 13, 2007

The Pick Up Artist - Now Here is Some Good TV

A review by That Blue Yak TV editor Billy Melons.


Let me first start by saying that I'm not a fan of reality TV. It's fake and the characters are annoying. The Pick Up Artist on the other hand can be described in one word: Nerdarifick!
Eight lonely nerds are taught how to "pick up chicks" by master pickup artists. The first episode featured the nerds trying to pick up a lady at a nightclub.

If this is what you call a train wreck then take me to the station because nothing is as refreshing as hearing the following dialog from the 45 year old nerd trying to talk to a 25 year old hottie at a club:


Old Nerd: Any Cajuns here?

Hottie: I am. I'm from New Orleans!

Old Nerd: How did your family do in Katrina?

Hottie: Two died.

Way to go Poindexter!

The pickup artists, namely, "Mystery", "Matador"and "JDog" then go into the club and show em' how it's done. Personally, I think most chicks would be creeped out by JDog but his English accent softened the weird look for the ladies I guess. (I ain't no queer so how would I know?)

Trust me, this is a must see. Tune in tonight VH1 (Monday, Aug 13) at 9:00 Eastern time. You will not be disappointed.

Check out the official site on VH1 by clicking the following word: GEEK


Monday, August 6, 2007

Creepy Mom Catches Son Playing With Himself

West Chester, Pa

Busted! Enjoy the following disturbing video as reviewed by cafeteria workers of Chester County's 3rd most influential business - That Blue Yak:





"That robot mom was trained real good,"

- Benny Lewis Crane (mopper)

"I'm concerned that the video shows a sticker of Mickey Mouse on the wall. It's all coming together now."
- John B Lawrence (corn guy)

"WAIT A MINUTE! This video's been edited. What happened to the part where he pulls the knife out and slits his throat?"
- Mary Ann Cornish (Supervisor)

Friday, August 3, 2007

New Zoo Review Outtake Is Pure Fun

Please enjoy the following outtake from the New Zoo Review. If my math is correct, classic cheezeball TV plus gay references equals pure fun. Enjoy

Thursday, August 2, 2007

Cruise Ship Bumps NYC Dock; Ship Doctor Suffers Bruised Ego

A cruise ship bumped a pier at the Manhattan passenger terminal on Thursday. No physical injuries were reported, however ship Doctor Adam "Doc" Bricker suffered a bruised ego. Cruise Director Julie McCoy explains,


"Apparently, Doc was just about to 'seal the deal' if you know what I mean with Jaye P. Morgan when John Aston and Raymond Burr come strolling by. Raymond mentions to John in clear earshot of Jaye P. the size of Dick Van Patten's package. Well let me tell you, Jaye P. hears that and she was out of there. Doc just stood there looking like a dope.......Oh yeah, then we bumped the Hudson River Pier."