Hey Davy Jones. Happy Birthday. You're 64 today.
Remember that time you were on the Brady Bunch? And you were singing "Girl Look What You've Done To Me"? Yeah. That was good.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Hey Davy Jones. Happy Birthday. You're 64 today.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Reading Twitter can sure get tiring. With all that actual reading. Someone need to invent a Twitter app that works like this:
- I send a tweet.
- The tweet is converted from text to my voice.
- As a follower of mine, the technology actually turns the volume up on you phone and "yells" the important tweet that I wrote. This way, everybody gets to hear it. Not just you.
So you'd be in the grocery store and all of a sudden you would hear: "Oh my god! A bird had sex w my aunt and its spawn is singing on jay Leno. Nevermind. Its just manilow".
or - "I wonder if a midget ever got a custom snuggie as a gift and said: wait a minute..you just cut up a wash cloth didn't you?"
or maybe even: "I bet some guy was asked by his wife to pick up staples before a storm and the dumbass came home w actual staples"
Here are a few more to enjoy:
"I wonder if that really tall guy from the show CPO Sharkey was Ed Begley Jr's mutant Frankenstein twin".
"Product idea: Circus Freak Peanuts. (Oooh! I got an orange bearded lady. I can't wait to enjoy it's cardboardy goodness)."
"Ooh. What's that movie the lovely bones about? A nice skeleton family or something?.."
"Mayor McCheese was based off of a real person with a real oversized, hamburger shaped head deformity #ItsFuckinTrue "
"Product idea: scale that has pics of celebs that are your weight each number"
"Tip for foreigners: to a lady don't say, your hair reminds me of the finest quality dry hay in the land "
That's all I got for you today.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Remember that post I wrote about the Siamese Twins and one dies but it stays attached to the brother? To read it, click here
And then I asked people to draw pictures of the characters? I thought I would be flooded with submissions but then I remembered that when people have to do something that requires any effort they don't do it. But on the other hand, when they're getting something for free, everyone comes out of the woodwork. Like the time I gave readers nicknames last year.
Which is why - sadly - I only received two submissions.
So here we are. The runner up for this contest goes to a young man named Scope. Look at the beauty of this art! There is no way he took 30 seconds to throw it together. And if you use your imagination, it KIND OF looks like a Siamese twin and his dead brother. Not a ghost standing behind a shadow.
And the WINNER of the contest goes to a new blogger on the scene - KRISTEN from the blog Enough Hats For Everyone. Look at the hat on that fellow! And the recycling shirt? Nice touch. What's YOUR interpretation? How do YOU feel when you see this art?
And to collect the coveted prize, Kristen will have to email me a mailing address where I can mail it.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
You read that post title correctly. My mommy got me a new pillow for Christmas. And as I wrote on Twitter: "..it works great! I'm gonna call it Lil' Fluff - the pillow who believed in love."
See. You need to follow me on twitter (@DrZibbs) or you'll miss all the pillow related news that I may tweet about. Imagine hearing this news an hour ago? Instead, you're just hearing it now. It's kind of sad if you think about it.
So anyways. The pillow works great. It's super fluffy. My old pillow was such a dick. It was all flat and used up. If I was ridiculous enough to name an OLD pillow I'd probably call it something like "Pete the pillow that dreamed of being a pancake..and did".
And it's true. It's like someone broke into my house every night then brought Pete outside and ran him over with a steam roller. Everyday it seemed to get flatter and flatter. There's really no other explaination I can think of. Can you?
I've been complaining about my pillow for a few years but when I wake up, I never seem to remember how crappy it is and then drive to a store and buy a new pillow. And that's pretty bad if you think about it because it means that I've forgotten the same thing, everyday for like 1200 days IN A ROW!
Oh my God. Once I see it in writing that's pretty bad. Let me read that over again.
(reads it over again)
Yup. That's pretty bad.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Remember when there weren't that many beers? And Lowenbrau was considered one of the best ones?
Here's a Lowenbrau commercial from 1984 . Do they even still make it? I forget how it tastes but I think it was kind of crappy.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Alright. You've been caught up in the hustle and bustle of the Holiday Season. Don't you think it's time to take a break?
Why don't you treat yourself to this video of Jim Nabors singing, "Let Me Be There."
And really let yourself get into it. Don't be shy. OK go shut your curtains if you're afraid someone might see you.
Are you ready? Here we go.
There are just so many questions I have about people that wear a Warner Brothers Tazmanian Devil jacket like the one pictured above. Here are a few:
- Do they get the Taz jacket first and THEN nickname themselves Taz? Or is it an all out, Taz blitz with self nicknaming themselves Taz and the jacket is merely a reinforcement of the name?
- Did they see someone wearing a Taz jacket and that inspired them to buy one. "Man, look at that dude all Tazed out and shit. That's gonna be me someday."
- Have friendships ever been lost because one guy was wearing the Taz jacket and then a friend put Taz mud flaps on his truck? "No fucking way. Take em off! First the mud flaps, then you'll get a Taz shirt then you'll want a Taz jacket! That's MY thing!" (fight breaks out - after Taz jacket removed).
- Do they ever call places that store mink coats in the off season for pricing? Just in case.
- When it's cold out do they ever say, "It's cold as shit out here. I better go get my Taz."
- Do they ever go to a party and the host asks for their coat and they refuse to give it up? "Uh..I don't think so. If this coat goes in a pile on your bed and it walks? There's gonna be a situation. I think I'll just hold it."
- When they first get the Taz jacket and they're going to their local hangout, do they ask a friend, "Would you mind going in and looking around to see the reaction I'm getting from people when I come in the door? Maybe you can say, 'I wonder if Taz is showing up' or something and when they're like 'Who the hell is Taz?' I'll strut my ass in, frame myself in the doorway for a few seconds then walk to my bar stool. Beginning my new life as 'Taz - the dude that wears that Taz jacket.'"
What questions do you have?
And note that the inspiration for this post came from this blog post. I was cracking up in bed as I was thinking about Alice's encounter with a Loony Tunes jacket wearing dude.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Someone called me on my cell today and I was listening to this on WXPN and I couldn't stop laughing at this.
It's stupid but I couldn't stop laughing. It's Frosty the Red Nosed Snowman.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Every generation hates the younger generation's music. I guess it's a tradition.
But most rap sucks. I like some rap, like Snoop. And some other stuff*. I have it on my Ipod. But a lot of the other stuff? It's awful!
Lil Wayne? Have you heard this nonsense? It's just terrible. I'm not saying it's offensive or "I don't get it" or anything like that. It's just terrible, terrible music. If you can even call it music.
You couldn't get a hippie off of the street in the 60's and put him in a rock band without anyone noticing but I swear that you could get a homeless guy and make him a rap star and nobody would notice. "Hey that guy's great!"
And maybe it's just that people like to hear rap for rap - like it's people talking to music but it really shouldn't be categorized as music. Can't it be in the spoken word category?
And don't EVEN try to say I'm racist. I love R & B. And I LOVE Funk. Most rap just sucks it.
If you don't believe me, check out one of the top rap stars. Please explain the talent to me after you hear this.
*I forget the name of it right now but...
Sunday, December 20, 2009
I will tell you that I see a lot of movies.
I'll also tell you that I'm not a huge comic book/fantasy movie fan but I still see them all.
I really didn't get it when people were raving about Spiderman and the new Batman movie. They were OK but I wasn't that impressed.
But once in a while there are movie that you walk out of and you can't believe how great they were. In the past years, for me, it's been Goodfellas, American Beauty, Waiting For Guffman and most Tarantino movies.
And now there's another. Avatar.
This movie was so great. Great story and effects that are so unbelievable that you can't believe what you're watching! Cameron creates a whole new world. And then they're these flying huge birds and there's these crazy dogs that attack and, and....You just gotta see it.
And if you're not a person into fantasy films or computer animation don't worry. You'll find yourself lost in the movie very shortly. Trust me. It's really a new milestone in special effects.
To see the trailer click here.
Posted by Dr Zibbs at 9:15 PM
During the blizzard yesterday one of the movies we watched was The Wizard of Oz. I haven't seen it in a while. Lots of fun.
But there's something with that Cowardly Lion that seems a bit different. Something a bit queer and curious that I can't...OK he seems gay. Take a look:
And the Tin Man seems a bit feminine too.
But who rally cares? I don't even know if Bert Lahr the Cowardly Lion was gay. Wikipedia says he had a daughter.
OK. That doesn't mean anything either.
So I guess we'll never know until Hollywood releases that secret gay list. My guess is that John Travolta isn't on it but I think Tom Cruise may be. Who else do you think's on it?
Posted by Dr Zibbs at 11:05 AM
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
What percentage of people do you think will get this Tweet I put up this morning?:
I wonder if that really tall guy from the show CPO Sharkey was Ed Begley Jr's mutant Frankenstein twin.
Is anyone else reading the blog Retro Space? It's one of my new favorites.
What are your new favorite blogs?
I wonder what kind of fun my long time blog friends Gwen and Whiskey Marie are going to have in Chicago this weekend? What type of adventure do you think they'll have?
If there was a business that would computer animate your future spouse so you could see what he/she would look like when they were older, do you think people would pay for that?
Has anyone used the Google Mobile App on their Blackberry? If not, check it out. You can google search by speaking into your phone. Sweet.
I didn't get all of the leaves in my backyard raked up because I've been injured. Is it going to kill my grass? Is it a myth that people in New England don't rake?
Where can I get an inexpensive Dell laptop charger for my son that will ship by Xmas. Other than Ebay?
Why is that I'm trying to delete some blogs I read and I delete them in my Google Reader and the number of blogs I read lowers as I delete them but when I come back later...the blogs I deleted are back?!
Did you remember I'm having a contest on this blog? The deadline is Friday at 5. The details are here.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
I've never exposed my true identity on this blog. But since this is a video of when I was in Junior High - who cares? If it can just help one person..then maybe it's worth it. Hmmm?
Here's a video that was taken when I was discussing LSD with my handsome guidance counselor when I was in Junior High.
He sure did have some good advice for me. Let's take a look.
Description: He's one half of a Siamese Twin. His brother (Pong) died years ago but the skeleton is still attached to him.
Conflict: He tries to hide his brother - now a skeleton - my dressing him up.
Now this is the part I can't figure out. I can either...
1) Have the skeleton attached to his side and he dresses it in an overcoat, hat and sunglasses. When people ask, "Who's this guy?" He just changes the subject, "Oh him? Uh yeah..I've got to meet up with him later about this one thing...so ANYWAYS..."
2) The smaller skeleton is attached to his head. He covers it with one of those really long knit hats. But of course once in a while the hat peaks open and the skull or feet are exposed.
Setting: I'm thinking that maybe he works for a small city and is in charge of helping the city become Green compliant. See? This is a hot topic these days so...
I'm also thinking some hilarity can ensue because he's always trying to hide the skeleton. And people pick on him all the time. Like when he approaches, you can hear the skeleton bones hitting together, and maybe a bully says, "Hey everybody, here comes old Wind Chimes! Get it? Because he clanks like wind chimes? Yeah. Look at him!" Then the dick shoves him.
Everyone laughs at him. Except this one girl who might be in love with him.
I don't know. What do you think?
And here's where the contest comes in. Draw a picture of the character and I'll post it on this here blog. And of course you'll get a valuable link to your blog. The winner will receive nothing. Because we're ALL winners. Right?
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Before there was Austin Powers there was The Incomparable Jackie Rogers Junior from SCTV. Here's a video that someone put together with his great performances.
Were any of you fans? Hmmm?
Seriously. You need to sit through this. Or fast forward to the 7 minute part.
Monday, December 14, 2009
I don't know what got me thinking about this and my wife never reads my blog but here is a story that I would like to share.
Years ago, my wife and I pulled into our driveway. (Now remember, we live in Chester County, PA. It's not the city, not the forest. It's the suburbs. But we do have pockets of woods around and tons of deer and the occasional additional wildlife).
So as we get out of the car and I'm like, "Holy shit! It's a wolf!*" And I run to the door.
Now the wolf never followed us but I never heard the end of it for ages because she thought I was pulling the George Costanza move where he runs out of the party - thinking there's a fire and knocks over an old lady. Selfishly thinking of his safety.
My thinking was that I was holding the key to the house so I could open it really quickly and we could both get in to safety. Which we did. I swear to God.
But she still thinks I was looking out for myself.
And looking back, maybe it wasn't a wolf but it may have been. Please chime in so I can print out this info and show her the results that total strangers voted on.
*Believe me. It was a wolf!
Sunday, December 13, 2009
It was 4 AM when my wife woke me up last night. I was screaming in my sleep.
I was having a dream that my best friend Jim, that died 9 years ago in a head on collision in Chester County was standing next to my bed.
In the dream Jim was looking at me and he looked sad. I was saying, "Jim, are you really not dead? Are you alive? Answer me!"
And I was reaching for him but he was an inch out of reach. I knew that if I could just touch him I would know that he was not dead.
When my wife woke me up I was in tears because I was so frustrated that I couldn't reach him.
So this morning when she mentioned the nightmare she said that in the night she didn't want to freak me out but reminded me that today is the anniversary of his death.
I still don't believe in ghosts or supernatural stuff but that is a strange coincidence.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Here's a nice collection of creepy and scary Santas to haunt your dreams. Which is your favorite?
"Cindy. Now I told you. Don't talk. Just look at the camera and I might return you to your family. IF...they're still alive."
(In robot voice) "MUST KILL!"
There's something very fishy about that glove.
Do you know why there's a "no face here" sign? Because she actually has no face. Damn you Santa! How could you?!
"I am your honorable Santa. You will be very pleased with the various fine clothing products I shall bring that are made from the finest silks from far away lands".
Yeah right. What Santa holds a staff like that? Look at the dainty finger positioning. You know he's about to break into song and dance.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
As you may know, I love listening to my Ipod.
Sometimes I just need the soothing voices that only ladies like Karen Carpenter, Anne Murray and Norah Jones can provide.
It just soothes my heart. Kind of like when there's an escaped gorilla and they have to bring a violinist in to calm him down so the zoo keeper can get in close enough to shoot him with a tranquilizer dart. You know.
Well anyways, as you may have read in this post, Anne Murray's daughter Dawn Langstroth was reading my @FatherTwitter tweets and told her mom Anne Murray. And now they're BOTH followers*.
So I went onto the YouTube and on Dawn's website and you're not going to believe how great her voice is. I just can't believe how great she sounds! It almost makes me cry. I predict she's going to be a huge star.
*and not to brag but also @DrZibbs followers (stands up straighter and looks around to see if anyone is looking).
Here's a real dream I had last night that I'm totally not making up:
I was standing in a gazebo and I had just opened a pack of Funny Bones - the delicious chocolate treat with a peanut butter filling that's available in your grocer's snack section.
So I'm just about to reach down to grab the Funny Bone and a homeless guy next to me grabs it. And he's standing there pretending he's a sleep.
Me: Yo. Give me my Funny Bone.
Homeless Guy: (opens eyes) OK here.
Me: You know what? I'm gonna call the cops.
Homeless Guy: No don't. I have a new Funny Bones flavor. Want to trade?
Me: OK. Lets see it.
The homeless guy pulls out a pack of Funny Bones that is a different flavor. I really didn't notice what kind it was. But as far as I know - in real life - there's only one kind of Funny Bones.
Me: OK Lets trade on three. One...Two...Three!
But I grab his Funny Bones and I start running. The Homeless Guy starts chasing me yelling, "Come on! Come - Give it back". He's all out of breath. Coughing while he's running.
And he would slow down and I would stop enough for him to think he could catch up but then I would speed up. And I started eating the Funny Bones but shoving them in my mouth to show how good they are.
I showed him.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Here's an update of the celebrities that follow me on Twitter. As you may know, I have my famous @DrZibbs Tweets and my famous @FatherKelly tweets. Ready? And go...
Sarah Silverman @SarahKSilverman - We then sent a few DM's back and forth . She said I was funny (jumps in air and yells, "She thinks I'm funny!" like Rudolph yelling, "She likes me!").
Christina Applegate - mentioned me twice. I've sent her a few DM's (direct messages) but she hasn't responded. Something is probably wrong with her computer. But then one of you a-holes sent me an email saying it was her. OK who was it? Because whoever it was, you really did your research. Nice try. Seriously, who was it? Was it you? What about you?..
Lisa Jane Persky (@lisajanepersky) - actress.
Nina Bargiel (@SlackMistress) TV Writer: Lizzie McGuiere and other stuff.
AnneMurray - Grammy award winning singer. She follows Dr Zibbs and Father Kelly. We've DM'd each other and she's communicated with me via tweets. She said she'd come to the West Chester Christmas Parade and do a duet with me next year. She probably wasn't joking. I put a note in my tickler file to remind me to contact her next November. Keep your fingers crossed.
Dawn Langstroth @DawnLangstroth daughter of Anne Murray . Click on her name to see how hot she is. She was the one that told Anne Murray to follow me. I wonder of the two of them read my tweets at family gatherings. And it's probably become a nice tradition. The Kennedy's played football, The Murrays/Langstroths read my Tweets.
Caissie St Onge @Caissie - Write/Producer of Best Week ever. We Dm's and emailed each other. She also worked on the Letterman Show. Nice.
James Urbaniak @JamesUrbaniak - Actor in various movies including playing R Crumb in American Splendor. Currently does the voice of Dr Venture on The Venture Brothers. I asked him to DM Paul F Tompkins and tell hom to follow me. Which he did.
Paul F Tompkins @PFTompkins - Comedian and actor. I actually know him from when I used to do stand up but I'm glad he's following me. He follows Dr Zibbs and Father Kelly. If you ever get a chance to see his stand up act, check it out. He's hysterical. Or you can buy his new CD - Freak Wharf. It just came out last week.
Ted Leo @Tedleo - Rocker from Ted Leo and the Pharmacists.
Michael Faustino ( @MichaelFaustino ) - He's the brother of David Faustino from Married With Children and was on a few episodes. I'm hoping he gets his brother to follow me. Then I'll only have two people left and I'll have the whole family of Married with Children. It's like playing Twitter Monopoly.
And guess who STOPPED following me? Yup. Chris Daughtry's wife. She must have issues. I don't know.
And that's about it for now. And I'll leave you with this tweet that I actually thought of in a dream last night. I swear to God. Here goes...
"Product Idea: Pants that have printed arrows pointing to the groinage area and the words, 'Doesn't have a boner' - so when you DO have a real boner, people might just think it's a joke."
It's probably over 140 characters but who cares.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Kristen, over at the new West Chester blog Enough Hats for Everyone just wrote a post about Christmas Albums .
I love some of the old covers. So I did a quick search of Christmas album covers and look at the gem I found:
It's Kenny And Corky! I have no idea who they are but just look at how craptacular they are! They're just sitting there singing Christmas carols. Look at em' go!
And look at the title. Instead of "Nothing" for Christmas, it's called "Nuttin'" for Christmas.
I need to find this album and make it a new family listening favorite.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Friday, December 4, 2009
Check out this short clip of Andy Richter doing "You Gotta Be".
He just cracks me up. He kind of reminds me of my neighbor Calhoun*. Just look at him. Well, you don't know him but this is what he looks like kind of and these are the kind of dance moves he'd do to this song.
*You know Calhoun. He's that fool I play darts with up the street. And I suspect he's the one that called me a Douche bag a few posts ago. Of course mangled the spelling. And you know me and my spelling. It's gotta be perfect.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
It is true! I AM the most important person on the internet. Look at all of those comments. It's unheard of. It's gotta be some kind of record.
I was gonna wait until I got 100 comments but I changed my mind. Plus, I don't want to be responsible for any suicides.
Now here is my statement:
If I read the post about me bitching, my response would have been something along the lines of "Stop being a big baby". Which is what many of you wrote. I honestly wrote that post in a minute because I was in a pissy mood. So there you go.
But some of the comments just baffle me.
As for needing validation? Of course I do.
As for writing and not caring who reads it? Hell no. That's like writing something, then printing it out and throwing it in the trash. That's no fun.
But the comment that really blew my mind was from Katrocket.* She wrote:
Why would we want to read a blog that's all about how awesome you think your blog is? You're not very funny. You regularly insult your readers. And obviously you have some weird issues about commenting. That's not very interesting.
I honestly TRIED to figure you out for a while because i saw some potential, but when you sent a bunch of people over to my blog to guilt me into writing comments on YOUR blog, that was the last straw. Now I just think you're a jerk.
Now fuck off or get on with it. The choice is yours.
Really? A dick move is sending readers to your blog to guilt you into commenting? HAHAHA. Why would that bother somebody? Somebody, please tell me. Isn't half the fun of leaving comments saying something goofy? How could someone feel guilted into leaving a comment?
Insulting readers? Of course I do. I often call them peasants or the commoners but who reading this blog would be offended? It's so absurd it makes me laugh.
And saying how awesome my blog is?? It is though. That's exactly what this blog is about. Being a self absorbed, clueless parody. How could anyone not get that after reading a few posts? I don't get it.
And saying I'm not very funny? That's fine. I'm not going to please everyone all the time. I get people saying some posts are too weird and others saying to write more about myself so I'm never gonna please everyone. But I do get lots of comments and emails saying I'm hyterical. So whatever.
Now if you'll excuse me I need to pick up my capes from the dry cleaners.
Let the comments begin.
*and I do truelly hope you keep reading my blog. Perhaps reading it aloud or with a friend would make it funnier. I don't know.