Thursday, May 12, 2011

Shut Up About Your Cruise! I Don't Care! Boring People.



There’s nothing I can’t stand more than a bore ass. People just yappin’ about stuff that isn’t remotely interesting or funny. And giving every mundane detail. Going on and on.

Like this chick I used to work with would go on a cruise every year and when she came back she would tell me every boring detail. She’d start off like, “OK, so we get there Monday. And usually we like to check in and get right to the bar, but it was really crowded so we decided, ‘What he hell’, lets sneak in a drink across the street…”

But saying it in a way like “Aren’t we crazy?” And trust me. Nothing interesting happened across the street but the margarita’s were sooooooo good.

Then she would proceed to go day by day and tell me every boring detail. I’d sit there nodding (because I’m a nice guy – plus I was trapped in her office). Sometimes when you thought your sentence was almost over she’d remember something “important” in the story and have to go back, “So we wake up on Thursday and then and I wanted to get to that buffet so….Oh wait! I forgot to tell you about the illusionist we saw Wednesday night*!!!”

I was always happy when she was done and even happier when I’d see her corning someone else in the hall or in the coffee room. And you’d see the same glazed over look in their eyes as she excitedly told them the exact story. Word for word, “We met this couple named Peggy and Mike. They were sooooo funny. We’re going to keep in touch. Mike was a RIOT!” I'd give the person a look behind her back like, "Hmmm you don't say.."

So basically what I’m trying to say is: if you’re boring, please shut the fuck up.

(And look at that fat fuck in the blue at the buffet table. Jesus Christ Tubby. Leave some food for the rest of us!)

*can he make me disappear

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

i want to hear more about what it means to 'corn' someone in the hall or coffee room -- not your boring-ass story about boring-ass people.

Dr Zibbs said...

Look at you Anonymous reading my blog all thoroughly and finding mistakes...

That I out there intentionally.

Corning by the way is the Lenni-Lenape word for "Trapping someone against a tree or a teepee"

TC said...

Buffets...how I hate them. Fighting with gluttons for potentially salmonella filled scraps.

Tom said...

Zibbs, you make me laugh. I think I know the same person.

Scope said...

Man, if the cruise ship you're on uses styrophome plates, you've gotten on the wrong damn cruise ship.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Tell us how you really feel Zibsy...HA!

TrinaLikesWine said...

I laughed just seeing the picture. I think the table decor could use some sprucing up...Like maybe a tower of petit fours...or fruit...or Klondike bars.

And those kinda people need to put on a ship and released to the sea...forever....

Luna said...

"That I 'out' there intentionally."

Zibbs, your posts are always entertaining :)

Luna