Think Before You Speak Dad. Ellen DeGeneris.

So after the funeral Saturday we're back at my cousin's house. About 15 of us are sitting on their deck. One of my cousins had two friends there. Both were very attractive. They were in their early thirties.

So we're all talking and laughing when out of the blue, my Dad says, (in the way one would say "I need the attention of everyone because what I'm about to say is very important")..he says:

My Dad: Do you know who you look like?

Girl: Me?

(I'm already starting to cringe)

My Dad: You look like Ellen DeGeneris.

Girl: What???

As she's saying, "What?" Everyone is screaming, "No! are you crazy? Ellen DeGeneris?"

My Dad: Has anyone ever seen that show? Look at her..she looks just like her.

He's clueless that telling a woman that she looks like Ellen DeGeneris is an insult. Then throughout the day he's say, "Ellen Degeneris. I'm sticking to it". He couldn't just drop it.

So at what point do you take your dad aside and tell him to keep his mouth shut? And to top it off, he gets everything wrong so he was probably talking about someone else anyway but I just picture the girl looking in the mirror for the next few weeks and examining her face.

Squeegy Retarded

Am I the only one that thinks Squiggy from Laverne and Shirley looks like a mongoloid? I'm not trying to be a jerk but just look. I've thought this for years. Maybe I'm just gifted or something.

I don't know.

I Love Seeing People That Are Look Alikes

I love seeing people that are look alikes of people I know. And the goofier they are, the better. They just need to resemble the person enough that if 10 people were shown the twin, at least 7 would agree. But more importantly, they'd laugh and say, "Oh my God that's mean. But it does look like him. That's the Poor Man's Bob alright".

I used to compile look alike pictures that I'd find in newspapers and magazines and keep them in a photo album called "The Look Alike File". It was lost for five years, then I found it. It was like finding a hundred dollar bill. My favorite was the look alike for my friend Jim. It was Orvil Redenbacher's grandson. Man was he pissed.

The only thing similar to this I've heard of was my friend who said her brother-in-law has been keeping an "Ugly Brides" album for years. I'd love to get my hands on that.

I also like to spot look alike celebrities. The best part about spotting a look alike famous person is the satisfaction I get when I point out the look alike to the person I'm with. But instead of just saying, "Hey, doesn't that guy look like Tom Bosley?", It'll go like this:

Me: I don't think this place looks like Arnold's at all do you? He must be confused.
Person I'm With: What?
Me: Well, somebody better tell him -(pointing to look alike) - because Richie's dad is never gonna find him in here.

If I'm at a bar, I like to say this to my friend right before I get up and leave for the bathroom so that by the time I'm out of site, they're sitting by themselves, giggling like a fool.