Statesboro Blues Almost Makes Man In Exton Do Something With His Bagel.

I was driving to the Exton Dunkin Donuts this morn to get a bagel and some coffees. With a $1 bagle coupon. Suckers.

On the return trip, the Statesboro Blues by the Allman Brothers came on. So I crank it up and start rocking out.

Then I look in the mirror and there's everything bagel and cream cheese all jammin up in my teeth. How the hell are you supposed to eat one of those things anyway without that happening?

So I look over to the car next to me and I totally had this urge to start air guitaring to the lady while making this crazy ass open mouth face with all the everything bagel all over the place. Nodding and pointing to her. Then following her. Our cars reaching dangerous speeds.

Of course I chickened out. I think one of the these days I'll get the courage to do all of these things I imagine. I'm OK with doing those things if I'm with someone else but I chicken out when I'm alone. Maybe I'm a coward.

But maybe you're not a coward. I believe you're a hero. So I'm challenging someone to do that and take a picture of themselves doing it.

Now get to work. I'm only promising to view the first 30 images or videos of the scene that are sent to me.

That is all.

Question About Tipping. West Chester Dunkin Donuts and Beer.

Two questions about tipping*:

When did all donut shops and places with a counter start putting out tip jars? I guess it was within the last five years. Not saying that I wouldn't put one out if I worked at a counter but that's not the point.

If someone is simply handing me a donut and a coffee, why the hell should they be tipped? I refuse to do it. Do you guys do it? If so, is it out of guilt?

The lady at the Dunkin Donuts actually holds the change OVER the tip jar so you have to reach to get your change instead of her reaching to give it to you. I guess she's thinking that it might slip and fall into the tip jar then you'll be too embarrassed to reach in and get it out. Classy. Real classy. Then she gives me the evil eye when I don't tip.

Suck it lady! And when I have a coupon for a free donut and don't want a coffee?...Don't ask me if I'm SURE I don't want a coffee. If you didn't want people coming in for a free donut then you shouldn't have printed the coupon. You ole' bag!

The other tipping question I have is for bartenders. What are the degrees of tips you would give for the following (cheap ass, regular tip and great tip):

Scenario 1: Four $3 Happy Hour priced beers that usually are $4. (Total cost $12)

Scenario 2: Three premium pints at $4.50 each. (Total cost $13.50)

Thanks.

*Did you know that in Italy the cab drivers don't expect tips? And in Peru a customary tip is kicking the dude in the nuts? Not really but the Italy one is true.

Chester County Blogger Inspired By Jelly On Biscuit.

I just had a a biscuit with jelly on it. While I was eating it, I started thinking about jelly donuts. Then I thought..what would it be like if I were in a big ole' jelly donut costume and I was doing some freestyle rap?

Then, sadly - I went to the Youtube and found out it's already been done. Oh well. If I were a freestyle rappin jelly donut this is close to how I would do it.

Statue of Liberty! You've Got Some Chocolate Right Here. No Here.

So here's another really weird dream I had last night that I'm totally not making up.

I had to come up with an advertising campaign for a donut chain. It was some donut chain from New York that I've never heard of. So my idea was to have someone secretly fly a helicopter to the Statue of Liberty at night and paint the lips and around the lips with brown paint so it looked like she had been eating chocolate donuts. But really make it sloppy - like if you handed a candy bar to a mental patient and said, "Here's your lipstick. Put it on."

So you've got The Statue of Liberty looking like she ate chocolate then the idea was to have a 40 foot replica of the donut box sitting next to The Statue of Liberty's feet.

Then I realize that it's a stupid idea because it's illegal to mess with national monuments but the client said that since they'd use paint that would wash off in a month they were OK with it.

Then I started getting nervous.

Hemorrhoid Suffers Independence Day

Many of you immature people out there would laugh at someone if they saw them walking into work with a Hemorrhoid Donut. And because the person also might have to carry their laptop, lunch and other junk, they might have to tie a string around it and wear it around their neck until they got to their desk.

They probably get taunted by other workers,

"Yo Flavo Flav - nice clock. No, it's more like Stinky Flav - OH YEAH." Then the taunter turns to the person they're walking next to and puts their palm out because they've earned a high-5 for the 3rd grade level joke they just made up.

Or even worse, they have to put their head through it and wear it like a big assed necklace. Then, you got some dope running to the top of your building and leaning over yelling, "Look at me! I'm the king of the world!" - Like he's Leo DiCaprio on the titanic and you're a drowning Titanic victim because the roid donut around your neck looks like a life preserver.

Well, not unlike Mother Theresa or Bono, I'm a giver. And today, I'm giving this idea - for FREE to the world. What if the hemorrhoid donut manufacturers printed jokes ONTO these cushions? Then, when someone made a joke about the donut, the sufferer could hold up the donut and show people the joke that's written on it. Then instead of being victim of a joke, everyone would be laughing at the NEW joke and completely forget about the donut. I know. Sometimes brilliant solutions are very simple.

OK. I've done my humanitarian work for the day. Now it's up to my readers to take this idea and run with it.