The Greatest Christmas Gift of All - A Video Featuring Me

To know me is to love me. And to really know me, is to know that I really love me. And chicks and red wine and crawfish and laughing at people with weird features and dining alfresco...OK....back on track.

Another thing I love is when people give me the respect that we all know I deserve. Even though I have this Elvis sized blog, it touches my tiny, dark heart when the little people mention my blog - or better yet, when they go above and beyond the call of duty. Take for instance the new blogger Scope. He had the smarts to make a really cool Christmas video featuring himself, Gwen and me. Check it out by clicking here.

Thanks Scope.

And Then He Handed The Bloggers Their New Nicknames

OK, fellow bloggers. This took WAY longer than I thought. As promised, I've come up with your new nicknames. Just like the powerful Oz, I will now present them to you.

And note that I've supplied links to your blogs so hold on to your hats because you're gonna get a crap load of hits today. Feel free to thank me in a blog post. I dare you.

Also, I've learned a bit about you all. You're all greedy as hell. As soon as you heard "free" you came a runnin'. I bet if I announced that I was putting an old sink on my curb at least ten of you would be on your way over here. Anyway, here they are. Some of the names will only make sense to a few people. In some cases - only me. Enjoy.

Jon (Extraneous Kickassery)
"The Floor" (he's an expert at installing floors)

"Hand-J" (short for handsome Jon - or so the ladies tell me)

"Leaper" (he only writes a post every leap year)

Anonymous (Anonymous and Loving It)
"Jel-E-Bub" (jealous because he didn't come up with the Bubble-Up song)
"Sir Stalks-Alot" (he was stalking me last week)


Dmb5_Libra (DMB Does Not Stand For the Dave Matthews Band!)
"Poop Deck Patty" (from your comment in your profile about poop decks)

Holy Crappers - Sista #1 (Holy Crappers)
"Crapese"

"Sister Mary Philly" (lives in Philly)

M in SF (Insert Witty Title Here)
"Tub-A-No" (because she hates fat kids)

Poobomber (The Other Side Of Normal)
"Fecal Fling Frank"
"Y-Pages" (he writes more posts than there are ads in the yellow pages)

Kimmie (KinDeC)
"Noodle Locks" (because she loves to cook and has blond, curly hair)

J Hi - (Jigsaw: Pieces Of My Life)
"Lemon Lippy", or "Tart-si" (look at her avatar)

The Imaginary Reviewer (The Imaginary Review)
"The Unicorn Whisperer" (get it? ...imaginary?)
"Ole' English Toof" (you know the British and their careless ways with a toothbrush)

Mathdude (Eating Chicken Vindaloo)
"Protractus" (probably Latin for a protractor)

Gwen (Everything I Like Causes Cancer)
"Magna-Nipple" or "Sammy Nipple Jr" (you know - with her one nipple that goes the other way. See her blog for the amazing details).

Blood Red Roses (Everything's Temporary)
"Polka Pam" (her profile says her favorite music is "anything and everything")

Red (Ginger Is the Watchword)
"Skipper, now rub the lotions on my butt" (I know it's long but it's they only Gilligan's Island reference that's coming to me. Now the stretch of a joke here is that the Skipper and Gilligan are participating in some homosexual behavior with lotions and if they're on the lookout in case Ginger comes snooping around...get it?..OK shut up!).

Get Kristi Love (Two Minutes In The Box)
"Pucky" (Loves hockey)

B.E.Earl (Bug Eyed Blog)
"The Earl of Bugs"

Whiskey Marie (Whiskey Marie)
"Bourbon Boob-A-Licious"

Step Right Up (Warped Viewing of My Mind)

"Stool" (used when you want to "step right up")

Mike (Brown Cotton and Red Sox)

"Matt" (sounds similar to Mike) or "The Poor Man's Jon" (because I've heard him and Jon are twins)

Smoochies (I Have Nothing To Say About That)

"Breath-A Lisa" (Almost got busted at sobriety check point in Downingtown.

The Indefatigable MJenk (A Crown of Thistles)

"Test-ees" or "Test-ees Tim" (because he claims to be in the field of chemistry)

Beckeye (The Pop Eye)

"Tubes" (because she reviews things on the tube - among other pop culture suff).

MnMom (Happy To BE From Iowa)

"Compass" (Because her name is Minnesota Mom but her blog is "Happy To Be from Iowa)

Jennifer and Sandy (Minnesota Vs. Texas - Bloggin' Through Life One Goat At A Time)

"Mary, Terry and Carrie" (one more name but easier to remember)

Ask Alice (Alice in Average Land)

"The Canadian Fox" or "Mag-Dum" (because she attracts "dummies" like a "magnet" - the dummy being her friend Blondie)

Ms Florida Transplant (Just a girl....And her dogs)

"BamBlorida" (Big beautiful eyes like a deer and lives in Florida)

Fancy Schmancy (Fancy Schmancy)

"Prancy Nancy from Delancy" (rhymes with original name)

Urban Blond In The Burbs (Urban Blond In The Burbs)

"Urbs"

Some Guy (And Some Guys Blog)

"Ribs McCoy" (see his rib eating video on Youtube)

Falwless - (Lots Better Then Your Blog)

Soul-less (literally - has no soul)

Vodka Mom (I Need A Martini Mom)

"Ruskareena" (You know - how the Russians love vodka)

Enc (Observation Mode)

"Fash-Ano" (has a great fashion blog)

The End.

West Chester Blogger Invents Cool, Creepy Gift

My good blog friend Gwen had a great post the other day about the Hug Me Pillow that's offered at Overstock.com. It's a creepy half torso pillow that the ladies can snuggle up to when their man it out of town - (I hear it's also used by the fatties and butterfaces that can't bag a man so they have to settle for a freakish, soon to be tear soaked pillow). Some love is better than none I guess. But who am I to judge?

Anyways, I hate to say, "Whoops -I did it again." - but dagnabit I did. One day I'm inventing Words, Voice Motions - a popular game that's about to be in stores. And the next, I'm making up a song (100% by myself) called "Bubble Up" and the phrase "Bubble Up" is sweeping the nation too. But instead of the phrase coming from the ghetto and movie Up the chain, like, "Hi Holmes? How are you today?" OR "I think I'd prefer to get Jiggy with that thing", my Bubble Up expression has started in my multi-million dollar That Blue Yak headquarters and is moving DOWN the chain. Go figure!

Well, here it is. I unveil to you - "the limited edition, extra fingered Indian dude's hand Hug-A-Lot Pillow". It's pretty much like the Hug Me Pillow but with the added bonus of an Indian dude's hand that has an extra finger on it. I'm also thinking about perfuming the hand with that cologne that Indian people use. So it's authentic and all.

The name is a bit wordy so I'm going to give my readers the opportunity to name the product. Please free to suggest tag lines as well. The winner will receive a Zagnut bar.

Last Minute Father's Day Gift for BBQ Dad

If you've waited this long to get you Dad a Father's Day gift you are a dope. But you still need to get him something. How about this cool condiment gun? Imagine how cool it will be to fill this revolver with BBQ sauce, mustard or ketchup? Nice. Just print this page out and fold it like a card and write, "I.O.U. one condiment gun". Click here for order info and additional cool pics: Condiment gun.