West Chester Blogger Focuses On One Aspect Of Jesus Dummy LP. Nervous Barber.

Of all the weirdness in this album cover the first thing I thought was, "Man that dummy is totally wearing a wig."

And a wig in the style of maybe 1977?

I wonder if there was ever a ventriloquist that was embarrassed to bring his dummy onstage because the hair of his dummy was too outdated. "I can't do it! I look like a fool!"

So then he brought the dummy to a barber shop to get it cut but felt weird so he said that the dummy was really his kid and that the kid gets nervous around barbers and just clams up and doesn't talk so, "Could you just kindly get on with the haircut without asking any questions?"

The barber then nervously cuts the hair of the boy who just stares ahead. The barber's hands a' shakin'. Sweat dripping down his face.

Danny O'Day Ventriloquist Dummy (Figure) Now In My Possession. Creepy.

"Whu r you doi oher dare?"

Sorry, that was me talking "Ventriloquist" - what I was saying was, "What are you doing over there?" You could tell though. Right?

Remember when I told you (probably via Twitter) that I was at my Mom's and there was an unclothed ventriloquist dummy aka Danny O'Day smooshed in a plastic bag by her front door? Which in itself was freaky because it looked like a corpse. A tiny, lipstick wearing corpse.

I asked what it was all about and it turns out it was my nephew's but he was so freaked out by it my sister had to just "get it out of the house".

Well his loss is my gain. My Mom waited to give it to me because she had to get the clothes for it before she gave it to me. You know, because "it just wouldn't be complete"...I guess was the thinking.

So now it's mine. All mine. And I'll have you know that I had this very dummy when I was a kid and was kind of good at using it. I even "studied" ventriloquism. Well, if studying means reading a "book of tips" and practicing in my room that is.

And I've already had great fun freaking my family out with it by doing things like peaking it's head in a room and making it mouth things like, "MUST. KILL." And I've only had it for a day! Imagine what the next 30 years holds?!

*And note that MY Danny O'Day is not dressed like the nerd in the picture above. MY Danny O'Day is all classy with his tux and top hat. Eat that bitches!

BREAKING NEWS: A Ventriloquist Dummy Might Find A New Home! Creepy.

I was at my mom's the other day. She always leaves bags of things for us at the door so we doesn't forget to take the stuff she's either bought for us or wants to get rid of. It's usually cakes and pastries or magazines and coupons.

So I look down on the floor and I see something curled up in a white plastic bag*. Guess what it was? Yup! A Danny O'Day Ventriloquist dummy. Just like the one I used to have when I was a kid.

And I've got to tell you - it looked super creepy curled up in a plastic bag. Like it was a dead body. I should have taken a picture.

So then when I was over my sister's house the other day I was telling her about it and she said it was her son's but it was creeping the kids out so much that she needed to get it out of the house. They were terrified by it. She then said my mom put it in a bag by the door because, "She knows you like things like that".

Excellent. When I get it I'm totally gonna use the Flip camera and film it. Maybe I'll do a blog question and answer with it. What do you think? What is the best use for this figure (ventriloquist jargon for dummies).

*If I took a picture of the dummy in the bag it could be used on the movie poster of a movie I could make about a family that keeps trying to get rid of a haunted dummy. It could be called, "Don't Forget To Take Out The Trash" or "Just Put It In A Bag".

I'm A Very Gifted Ventriloquist - A Natural If You Will

So yesterday at my sister's house for Christmas I was inspecting the gifts that my nephews received and to my delight, and to the delight of everyone there, do you know what I found? Did you guess a Danny O'Day Ventriloquist dummy? If you did, you're right. The same one I told you about a few post ago. Remember I told you I got one in 5th grade?

Now I don't want to brag, but I'm kind of a natural. I'm not too good at keeping my lips from moving but I'm pretty skilled at insulting people and coming up with rude things to say on the fly. So much so that people were getting mad at me and running away.

I'm much better than this guy Jeff Dunham: