Saturday, October 22, 2011

Chester County Man Lists Lame Assed Bucket List. Goats.



I've been thinking of writing a bucket list but haven't. I do have one major one that is totally going to happen soon but it ain't none of your alls beeswax.

But in lieu of the bucket list I've decided to make a "bucket list junior." These are things that are bucket-listesque but shorter term and easily obtainable. Here we go:

- Make homemade cheese.

- Watch Madmen. (I know I'll love this show and I think I even have the channel on Verizon but have no idea what time it's on. I'm sure I'll like it)

- Get a BJ in a dressing room. (Leaning toward Victoria's Secret. Leaning against Value City)

- Learn a French phrase that I can say in a smart ass way then say it to someone and just walk away. And there will be a crowd and people will think, "Holy shit that Mother F'er speaks French??

- Make a few videos and put them on the Youtube.

- Give a crying Indian chief a tissue.

- Tell more people in a movie theater to "stop talking." Kind of hooked from when I did it a few months ago.

- Walk into a room naked except I'm wearing a sock over my junk and pretend I don't know what people are talking about when they're all, "What the?? What are you doing???"

- Play with a goat.

- Master a Burt Reynold's imitation.

- Get a disguise (including a wig) and go somewhere and trick people. Using an accent and everything. Then maybe go back into the place as me and get the people to talk about the disguised me.

There you go. Just a little off the cuff. Leave your short term goals in the comments and I'll judge you. If you want. Leave a "J" after your list if you want honest feedback.

19 comments:

Pearl said...

I'm thinking you can do several of these at once. A man in a cock-sock, bearing a homemade cheese and reminding people in a theater to be quiet sounds like a YouTube sensation to me...

Pearl

sybil law said...

What an awesome list! I actually stood with two naked dudes at a party- in my underwear, for that very reason. It was purely for shock value. Aaaah, to be in my 20's, again!
I am in sever pain right now, (fucking horrid cold I've got going on!), so no list for me. Just maybe relief from this sinus pressure bullshit!!

Scope said...

Just don't do the "naked sock over your junk" and "playing with goat" and "post on YouTube" all at the same time.

Please!

TC said...

I have but one. To revive and then be on Stairway to Stardom.

Anonymous said...

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Why American men should boycott American women

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I am an American man, and I have decided to boycott American women. In a nutshell, American women are the most likely to cheat on you, to divorce you, to get fat, to steal half of your money in the divorce courts, don’t know how to cook or clean, don’t want to have children, etc. Therefore, what intelligent man would want to get involved with American women?

American women are generally immature, selfish, extremely arrogant and self-centered, mentally unstable, irresponsible, and highly unchaste. The behavior of most American women is utterly disgusting, to say the least.

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BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN!


BRAND NEW: Buy the Boycott American Women book. After reading this book, I promise you that you will never even think about dating an American woman ever again, or else I will give you your money back. That's right, if you are not convinced by my book, I will give you a full refund!

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Dr Zibbs said...

TC - Ha! YES!

Anonymous - can't get laid huh?

Andrea Kiliany Thatcher said...

I'd be willing to help with one of these...

What? I'm a big Mad Men fan.

Steve Bailey said...

masterburting??? That just made my list now two....

Anonymous said...

Dr Zibbs, no, I can get laid, and am getting laid, every day by my asian wife.

I am merely protesting how utterly rotten and disgusting American women have become. American women have destroyed millions of men's lives through false charges and divorce courts, and stolen their children from them. Many men even committed suicide as a result.

So, it is not an exaggeration to say that ALL American women are evil. Not ONE SINGLE WOMEN ever protests against these crimes against men, that means they APPROVE OF IT!

AMERICAN WOMEN ARE THE SCUM OF THE EARTH!

Dr Zibbs said...

Anonymous - first of all, why did you leave the first comment on this blog? It has nothing to do with the post I wrote. Do you just ramble on like that in the comments of blogs to generate traffic? Not too cool.

But feel free to leave comments that have to do with the subject people are writing about.

And are you SURE you're married? Something sounds fishy. Did you mean to say that you WISH you were married to an Asian? If indeed you ARE married to an ASIAN then the only way to prove it is to post a picture of her on your blog.

I think we can agree that if you don't then you're probably just making it up. And if you are making it up I wish you luck in finding and dating an Asian woman. Remember, be polite and don't play games and I bet you'll get a date. And proper grooming. Remember that too.

Good luck!! Keep me updated!

Scope said...

Zibbs - There's no way to argue with this idiot. I tried a while back, got frustrated, and now just delete his comments as soon as they show up.

Tracey said...

he's fishing for traffic and hoping his links in your comments will build up his search ranking too. Lame.

Cora said...

He copies and pastes that sexist, racist rant everywhere he can. He even emails it to fashion magazines! A class act all the way. I bet his mother is very proud.

Sara said...

I really want to know what happened to him that made up so F'd up.

Dr Zibbs said...

Sara - Maybe I'll interview him.

Anonymous. Would you like to be interviewed for a blog post?

Dominica said...

for the French phrase ; my second native language is French (as is German, we have 3 languages in our mini country) ; so - maybe this phrase (I often use myself) would be just perfect for you ;
Attache moi, il y a du vent !
You would say or use it when someone gets snooty or thinks he's just better than you !
...
I'd like to give you a new phrase on a weekly basis if you like ??
We'll skype for perfect pronunciation ..

Dr Zibbs said...

Dominica - I would love a weekly phrase. As for Skype I really should get that going. I've never set it up. Seems pretty simple though.

Dominica said...

The phrase means liturally : Tie me up, it's windy ...
I use it when people are walkin' round with their nose in the air and almost bend over backwards because of that ... Let's do the French phrase every Friday .. You may remind me - I'll think about a good catchphrase during the week .. :^)

Jill/Twipply Skwood said...

OH! But I just posted how I milked a goat when I was little. But I can't imagine playing with one would be very fun. At least at the petting zoo, they're always trying to eat your clothing.

I first read the one about getting a BJ in a dressing room as "Get BJ into a dressing room". And I was all, "Who is BJ and why does he want to get him or her into a dressing room?!?" But then I reread, and it made much more sense.

I took 7 years of French and I forgot everything. But one time when my husband and I were trying to have sort of an argument in front of the kids without them understanding and he said something to me in French, it came back very suddenly and fluently. I stood there not so much angry anymore as shocked that the words had spewed forth with such precision.

That last one sounds fun for a party. The cheese sounds kind of hard though.